War And Peace: This Is Me, Baby Part 10

Patting her blonde curls, I arch an eyebrow up at Mom. "You can't just blast in through the door, Mom. I have company."

Mom's mouth drops open and her gaze takes in my appearance. I'm sure my hair has that just-f.u.c.ked look and I'm not even wearing a s.h.i.+rt, for crying out loud. Her cheeks turn bright red as she wrestles Mason's tiny body out of the car seat. "Well, I didn't know!" she exclaims. "I told your brother I was coming. He said you'd be here."

Toto, now curious about my home, wiggles out of my grip. I set her back on her feet to go on a hunt for my coffee. It's too early to deal with this c.r.a.p without my liquid caffeine. "Want any coffee?" I call out.

Mom follows me into the kitchen. "Wow..."

Looking over my shoulder, I frown at her. "What?"

"That tattoo. It's..."

"Big?" I quip with a smirk.

She laughs. "That too. It's beautiful, Ren."

I'm just taking my first sip of much needed coffee when I hear Brie screech my name from the other room. I slam down my mug and trot toward the bedroom. When I burst through the door, I'm frozen at what I see.

Toto, a big toothy grin on her face, sitting on Brie's chest and petting her dark brown hair. Brie's eyes are wide and horrified but she makes no move to push Toto away.

"Ahhh, f.u.c.k," I hiss.

Mom swats at my back. "Don't cuss around her. She learned the word s.h.i.+t the other day from your father and has said it probably a thousand times since." When she pushes past me, she too, pauses. "Oh, dear. You do have company."

f.u.c.king Calder.

"Uh, Jesus," I groan and run my fingers through my hair before I stalk over to the bed. "I'm sorry." I scoop Toto's nosy a.s.s up and storm back toward the door. "Mom, take Toto and wait in the living room. Please. Brie and I'll be out in a sec."

Mom's eyes are wide with understanding. She steals another glance at Brie before she ushers Toto out of my room. When I turn to look at Brie, she's chewing on her bottom lip. G.o.d, she looks so f.u.c.kable this morning with her messy bed hair. She's every man's wet dream with the sheet barely tugged over her generous b.r.e.a.s.t.s. If my mother weren't waiting for an explanation in the other room, I'd rip the sheet from Brie's grip and give her something to smile about this morning.

"I'm sorry it had to happen this way," I groan. "If you want, I can make them leave. You don't have to meet..." I close my eyes and let out a huff. "Your sister."

When I risk a glance at her, she's still frowning. "Technically, I just met her." Her tone is cold but then she seems to soften. "I can do this."

Her simple words mean so much. I love Toto. Who wouldn't love Toto? I want Brie to love her too. Both Toto and Brie could use a sister. Their dad is a little on the special side.

"You're so f.u.c.king brave, Brie," I tell her as I stride over to her. I grip her tousled hair and tilt her head back. She lets out a soft moan when I give her a hard kiss. When I finally pull away from her, her eyes flash with anger.

"I haven't brushed my teeth!"

I smirk and shrug my shoulders. "Tasted pretty sweet to me. You don't hear me complaining."

"Who said it was my breath I was disgusted about?" she retorts back, her brow lifted up in challenge.

Laughing, I shake my head. "Keep looking at me that way, woman, and I'll give my mother something to be disgusted about when I f.u.c.k you so hard you scream loud enough to scare the babies."

She gapes at me. "You wouldn't..."

I slide my leg between her thighs. "Want to test me?" My knee slides up and I nudge her right where I'll put my dirty little mouth if she keeps up the sa.s.sy talk.

She's about to respond when Toto starts banging her tiny fists on my door. "Teev! Teev!"

I snap my gaze to Brie and give her a wolfish grin. "We'll continue this discussion later."

The flicker in her previously dull eyes tells me she's looking forward to it.

Awkward doesn't even begin to describe this moment. Brie sits beside me on the couch. Toto is in my lap and keeps petting Brie like she's some sort of exotic animal. And Mom stares at Brie in wonder with Mason suckling on her t.i.t.

Where is Dad or Calder or f.u.c.king Gabe?

"Toni is your sister," I tell Brie, my voice soft.

Toto turns and grins at me. "Sissy?" She points at Brie in question.

Brie's hard gaze softens a bit. I know she's uncomfortable around my sister's toddler but these people are her family whether she likes it or not. Toto didn't do anything wrong. If anything, she's the only thing that Hannah and Gabe ever did right.

"Yep," I tell her and tug at a curl. "That's your sissy."

"Why do you call her Toto?" Brie questions.

I can tell Toto wants to crawl into Brie's lap but she hesitates, probably sensing the stress that seems to be rippling from her.

"Your dad calls her that so it kind of stuck."

Toto lets out a needy little whine and regards Brie with the saddest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen. That's a look she learned from her momma. Brie bites on her lip as if she's mentally battling with herself. Finally, though, she reaches for her sister. Toto crawls into her lap and lays her head on her shoulder. Her tiny hands begin playing with Brie's hair.

"Sissy pwetty."

Brie, who was stiff, relaxes and she pats Toto on her back. "You're pretty too."

I flash Brie a supportive smile before turning to look over at Mom. Tears roll silently down her cheeks. After a moment, she finds her voice. "You look just like your dad," Mom says, her voice quivering.

Brie regards her with a frown. "I look like my mother too. But she was killed."

Mom flinches as if Brie's words were an actual slap to her face. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I am so, so sorry."

Brie, who seemed poised for a fight, deflates just as quickly as she'd puffed out. "That was rude. I didn't mean to..." she trails off and jerks her teary gaze to mine.

"Some bad s.h.i.+t happened," I a.s.sure her, "and you're not wrong to feel angry or to lash out. If anyone knows how it feels, it's Mom." I smile at Mom and hope she can see how broken Brie is. That she's not being a b.i.t.c.h...she's just hurt.

"My mother died too. And then my father was killed by my high school boyfriend." Mom lowers her gaze. "People hurt me. They stole from me. They took away everything I loved." She sniffles as she burps Mason. "Your father was one of those people."

Brie snaps her gaze to my mother. "What?"

"They told me what that man did to you in Colombia. And then what happened to your husband," Mom says. "I'm so sorry, honey. I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know how it feels to be raped and held against your will. I know how it feels to be a captive. I know how it feels to watch the ones you love bleed out in front of you." She dabs at her cheek with Mason's bib. "And I also know how awful it feels to have to have contact with those who hurt you. The hardest thing I ever had to do was accept your sister. My rapist's child."

Brie starts to cry. "But he's my daddy." Even though she argues with my mom, I can sense she believes every word. "He wouldn't do that, right?"

Mom swallows and her lips purse into a firm line. "He did. It was a long time ago but he did."

I attempt to comfort Brie by pulling her closer but she's still on her quest to understand and shakes me away.

"I don't know if I can accept this-what you're saying," she chokes out, her voice breathless. Her eyes flit over to her little sister and she frowns. "Any of this."

"I can't imagine how it would feel to have to accept your mother's murderer's child," Mom murmurs. "I know that it hurts. That it is confusing. That it makes you angry."

"Mom-mom," Toto says sadly as she climbs off Brie's lap and runs over to Mom. "Don't cwy."

Mom pulls her into her side and kisses her blonde head. "But some of us just have to be stronger because the rest of the world simply is not."

Brie buries her face into my side as a loud sob escapes her. I hold her to me as she cries. My poor, broken, beautiful girl.

"Daddy always told me that people would say he did bad things. I just never understood what those things were. He certainly never explained them." Brie lets out a painful cry but sits up to look at my mother. "He might have hurt you, and for that I'm sorry, but he was the best father anyone could have asked for."

Mom nods and smiles at her. "I don't doubt that for a minute, sweetheart. I've seen how he behaves around Toto. Gabe isn't all bad. For ten years of my life, he was my entire world. I'm not trying to turn you against him. I'm simply telling you I understand how you feel."

Brie's hand finds mine and she squeezes it as if she requires my strength. "I still love him."

"I know." Mom winks at her.

Something pa.s.ses between them. Something powerful. Something solid.

"Umm, Mrs. McPherson..."

"Baylee," Mom corrects.

Brie swipes away her tears with the back of her hand and begins resurrecting the wall that protects her. "Can I get the name of your obstetrician? I'm not sure who to go to and I'm going to need to get some prenatal tests done soon."

Mom's eyes drop to Brie's stomach and then flicker to mine. I give her a slight shake of my head. I'm not the father. Understanding flashes in them. Not relief, though. Sadness. "Of course, Brie. I've got a card in my bag. In another month or two, Mason will be too big for his ba.s.sinet. I could loan it to you if you'd like."

"I would like that," Brie a.s.sures her. "And, Baylee?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I'm sorry he hurt you. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

Mom smiles at her. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. They may try to tear our hearts apart..." She strokes at Toto's hair and looks fondly at her. "But they don't understand, our hearts are made of steel. Women like us are unbreakable. Even when we're shattered into a thousand bits. We just find a way to gather up what's left, walk into the fire otherwise known as life, and weld our most precious piece back together again." Mom kisses Mason's forehead before leveling her gaze at Brie. "This is life, baby. And you're going to conquer it."

I FIDGET ON THE exam table as I wait for the doctor to see me. The nurse had me pee in a cup and drew some blood after having me fill out a mountain of paperwork. Baylee had offered to come with me, but I'm glad that it's Ren who's here with me.

His shoulders are tense as he stares out the window. It's been a week since I met my sister and his mother. A whole week of us being intimate at night but friends during the day. Something about the daylight makes me feel exposed. Like I've done something wrong. Like I've betrayed Duvan by letting Ren put me back together again.

The daylight instills guilt.

Which is why I keep him at arm's length.

Until his bedroom door closes at night.

When he draws me into his arms and kisses away all the pain. I count down the minutes until we're alone in the dark. It's the only time I feel somewhat normal. I'd thought he'd be upset with me. That my standoffishness during the day would hurt his feelings.

But Ren is strong.

It's as if he has direct access into my head. I don't have to tell him because he gets it. Ren respects my boundaries and doesn't breach them.

I hate what I'm doing to him but it helps me. I'm selfish because I need him to be two different people for me at two different times.

"Are you nervous?" he questions, his steely blues darting to mine.

I stop chewing on my fingernail and nod. "I am. What if I'm not really pregnant? What if I don't have his baby inside me? It's all I have left of him..." The stupid emotions overwhelm me once again. Tears streak down my cheeks. But before they can even drip from my jaw, Ren is out of his seat and standing beside the exam table pulling me into his arms.

"You're sick every morning, Brie. Your t.i.ts are huge. And you haven't had a period in a while, right? You're pregnant. Stop worrying. His baby is safe," he a.s.sures me.

I let my best friend hug me tight. We may not carry on a s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p when the sun can stare at me with disdain in its eyes, but we still touch. His hugs are soothing to me. They're needed and always come at the right time.

Luciana and I are tight, but she can't give this to me.

Vee, at one time could have, but she's nowhere to be found.

The thought of Vee has my heart aching. I don't know where she went. Ren's father is looking into tracking her whereabouts. According to his records, her apartment and parents' house are still being paid for. It's as if she and her mom left on a vacation or something. Knowing her stupid mom, she probably took Vee to some resort so they could deal with the stress of losing Heath by getting pedicures and ma.s.sages and sipping mimosas.

I'd ask Oscar but he's unreachable. He won't answer his phone or his emails. The last I'd heard about him was from Rafe. But I can't get in touch with Rafe now either. Everything is all so weird.

The door clicks open and someone walks in. Ren kisses the top of my head before releasing me to go sit back down. An Asian woman with black hair and a pretty smile walks in wearing a lab coat.

"h.e.l.lo, Mrs. Rojas. I'm Dr. Ling," the woman greets and extends her small hand.

I shake it and force a smile. "Hi."

She sits down on a stool and opens the laptop on the counter. Quickly, she scans through the information. "Well, you're definitely pregnant according to your bloodwork and urine sample. Congratulations," she says with a grin. "And based on when you said your last period was, that puts you at twelve weeks."

My heart races in my chest.

This is real.

I'm pregnant with Duvan's baby.

I will carry on a piece of him.

"Would you like to see your baby?" she questions. "At this stage, we should be able to get a pretty good picture for you."

My gaze jerks over to Ren and he's beaming. He nods his head before rising and striding back over to me. He takes my hand. "Brie, this is exciting."

Tears well in my eyes, and I nod at the doctor. "Yes. Please."

She calls in a nurse and they begin prepping me for a v.a.g.i.n.al ultrasound. My hand squeezes Ren's strong one as anxiety spikes through me. The only thing keeping me sane through this entire ordeal is the breathtaking smile on his handsome face.

He's happy for me.

That thought elates me.