The Age Of Desire: A Novel Part 5

"That before I lose the sweetness of day It will be heated from my touch."

Anna has spent a lifetime allowing poetry to tie neat bows around her life. How gratifying that this time her habit of finding herself in poetry has managed to please the poet herself.

How little the world around Anna has ever been heated by her touch! And yet is there anyone she knows who experiences more from the universe than she? Who else sees beauty in the branchings on the underside of a leaf, thrills at the perfect middle C of a streetcar bell, is electrified by the perfume of rain on cobbles? Edith. Edith is the only other person she knows who finds splendor in the mundane. And that is why she loves her, why she has devoted herself to her. From the moment she laid eyes on the earnest ten-year-old with ripples of strawberry hair, she knew she'd met her match. A walk in the woods with Edith was a revelation for both of them. A letter from Miss E. Jones burst with description, with news that no one else would have relished.

Yes, Edith was intractable sometimes. She wanted the world to be as she expected. Once, as a twelve-year-old, she tore every page out of a d.i.c.kens book because it disappointed her. Another time, she wouldn't write to Anna for a whole month when they were apart, because Anna, called away in an emergency, left the Jones's household unexpectedly.

"You could at least have warned us," Edith said as Anna packed and her young charge watched, her mouth in a jealous twist. Just as Anna was closing the case, Edith grabbed Anna's already packed shawl and yanked it from the bag. "In fact, I won't let you go. You've just come."

"Edith, no one could have guessed Ilsa Barnard would come down with scarlet fever. They need me to take care of her."

"But you are not a nurse, Tonni! Let them hire a nurse."

Anna took the furious little girl and held her to her breast. "I'd choose you over Ilsa, you know, if I had the choice. We'll see each other soon. Would you like to keep my shawl in the meanwhile?"

Edith gazed at the nimbus of blue yarn crushed in her fist, sheer and glistening as spider silk.

"No." she said, throwing it back on the bed. "I don't want to be reminded of someone so . . . so . . . inconstant!" After a month of silence with not a single reply to Anna's faithful letters, she wrote, "I have enjoyed all your letters, Tonni. Do come back soon. I have had some very important thoughts about Goethe and no one to share them with. And mother is at a loss without you." How relieved Anna felt, knowing Edith couldn't stay angry at her for long.

For the last thirty-five years, the very center of Anna's life, the touchstone, has been Edith. How can Anna help feeling unspeakably pained when she knows Edith is laughing at her, as she surely was this afternoon in de Noailles's presence? Would Edith have become the writer she is if Anna had not walked in the woods with her and discussed the leaves, the people they met, the reasons things happened? If Anna had not read poems aloud to her, had not made Edith pa.r.s.e the poet's intentions in every line, had not opened her eyes to new ideas, new ways of thinking? Has Edith come to believe she taught it all to herself? Anna kicks the faucet with her toe. The radiating sting fills her eyes with tears. How lucky she is that she's in the bath, where no one can see.

For Edith, the best part about Henry James's visit is that Morton Fullerton drops by often now: sometimes in the morning, when Edith is writing, sometimes for afternoon tea. She is sorry to miss him when he arrives too early. And she discovers that she is a bit jealous of the abundant attention he pays Henry. On his third visit, he brings the proofread ma.n.u.script of The House of Mirth with him. Even at a quick glance, Edith can see he's done a fine, exacting job.

"I owe you a great deal for this, Mr. Fullerton," she says, eager to see all the marks he's made.

"Since Henry is nowhere to be found," Fullerton says, "perhaps you'll honor me with a walk, Mrs. Wharton. It's the nicest day of the year so far. And you can consider it a payment of sorts, especially since you have been so cruelly ignoring me of late."

"Ignoring you?"

"Well, the last few times I've come to visit, you haven't even appeared. I find that very wounding."

"Mr. Fullerton! I didn't 'appear' because I was writing."

"And you find literature more important than me?" His blue eyes twinkle. He holds out his elbow. "Let's go out before the sun decides it has better things to do."

The air is soft and persuasive and the sun, rather than deserting them, splashes itself all along the high-walled hotels particuliers of the Rue de Varenne. Except for a few walkers, the squeal of pa.s.sing prams and an occasional distant horse clop, there is no sound but their shoes on the pavement. They are nearly the same height, and their feet find a lilting rhythm.

"So tell me," Fullerton says, "have you ever known anyone like Lily Bart? Someone who's his own worst enemy?"

She glances over at him. "Isn't everyone?"

"No. You don't strike me as someone who risks enough to do damage to herself."

She is startled by his statement. Does she seem so very dull to him?

"I think I should be insulted."

"You shouldn't. I don't find risk takers particularly appealing," he says. "I find them less appealing every year."

"I would like to be a risk taker." Edith envisions Anna de Noailles.

"What good would risk do you?" Fullerton says jauntily. "You know what you like. And you seem to have everything you could want."

Edith smiles to herself. "You don't know me at all, Mr. Fullerton."

The lawns of Les Invalides roll out green and fragrant before them. After the narrow streets, the open s.p.a.ce exhales verdant airiness.

"I know why I find Lily Bart so compelling." A shadow clouds his eyes for just a moment. "What can be more tragic than someone destroying his own chance at happiness? It's the cla.s.sic theme. The seductive glow of the wrong option. Wrong options always seem to have ribbons on them for me."

"For you, Mr. Fullerton?"

"I think I'm doing everything right and most of the time I'm just flat-out wrong. And I live with the consequences. I am a very bad sport. I don't like consequences. They're so untidy."

She is charmed by his forthrightness. She thinks him a very rare man, indeed, who can view his own failings with such a cool eye.

In the garden, they locate a bench and sit side by side. She can sense his body heat, and takes in his odor of driftwood and lavender. Edith feels something she hasn't felt in a long time and cannot name. She's been happy of late, but this feeling of expansion dizzies her.

"Look there." He points. "See that honeybee?" On the hedge behind them, a honeybee as fat as a blackberry is trying to wedge himself greedily into the narrow trumpet of a pink flower. Fullerton turns his gaze to her and says, "That's how drawn I am to you."

Edith, speechless, feels her cheeks redden.

Seeing her discomfort, he seems to s.h.i.+ft gears. "You are far more disciplined than I, for one thing. Were you always like that? Is it something I can learn?"

Her mouth is very dry. "I had tutors who insisted on discipline. I suspect you could learn it too."

"My school reports all declared that's what I lack most. You, on the other hand, were, no doubt, a stellar student."

"I've always had to motivate myself. No one's ever expected anything from me," she says.

He smiles softly. "I do."

She observes his perfect Greek head, his smoothly shaven chin and combed mustache, his gloved hands. She has never seen neater gloves. Entirely b.u.t.toned. Teddy has never b.u.t.toned a glove in his life. What does Fullerton want from her? Why should he waste his ammunition on such untasty game-a long-married woman whose beauty has never been her greatest a.s.set?

"We should go back," she says. It's Lucretia whispering in her ear: Why hope for much? You can only fail. How strong this need of hers to close off options, to make things safe. Only on the page can she take risks. She abhors this about herself.

They walk back in near silence. Still, their bodies seem to cleave to one another.

"I'm leaving soon, you know," she says. "I'm off to America. Do you have any plans to make a crossing this summer?"

"My family has been asking me to come."

"You could visit me at The Mount."

"And view your gardens; take in the much ballyhooed scent of those pines."

They stop by the gate and look at each other. Their mutual gaze extends beyond the fleeting nod of parting friends. Edith relishes the moment to dwell on the extraordinary perfection of his face. Has she ever thought a face so lyrical?

"I don't think I'll come up and see Henry today after all, if you don't mind," Fullerton says at last.

"No?"

"He doesn't even need to know I've come to call. I really came to see you."

Edith is bewildered. Is he really trying to woo her? Or is it wishful thinking on her part?

"Thank you for the lovely walk," she says. "And the proofreading. I'm eager to see what you've marked."

"My pleasure." He bows his head formally. She hopes he might grasp her hand and kiss it as he has done before; she longs for him to do so, but instead he draws away suddenly and walks toward the Rue du Bac. His gait says he knows he's being watched, and also, somehow-Edith is certain-that leaving her has cost him a great deal of energy.

Henry oversees the packing of his many trunks and heads off for a few weeks in Italy before returning to England ("For Life!" he says). Edith and Teddy have their own trunks packed. George Vanderbilt wants his apartment back and they must move to Edith's brother's much smaller residence in the Sixteenth Arrondiss.e.m.e.nt. The little house feels cramped and puts Teddy too near at hand so that Edith is surrounded by his b.u.mping about and sighing. In Harry Jones's house, Edith finds it impossible to write or to entertain comfortably. Anna Bahlmann has to share a mean little room in the attic with Catherine Gross and both are unhappy. When the staff isn't happy, everyone feels it.

"We'll be back at The Mount before you know it, Tonni," she consoles Anna, patting her hand. "Before you can so much as blink." Anna gives her a doleful look.

Edith thinks of those last weeks as a fine transition. They make her actually glad to be heading off to Le Havre and the s.h.i.+p home. How happy she has been in Paris this winter. The salons! The people! The talk! The week before departing, she scribbles a note to Fullerton. She tells him that she is "findable" at The Mount in Lenox any time up until Christmas and hopes he will visit.

He writes back: Dearest Mrs. Wharton, As discussed, I have indeed decided to visit the States this summer. There is much on my agenda. A lecture at Bryn Mawr. A day or two with the Nortons. And a great deal of time eating mother's cooking and reminding her that despite my so-called worldly knowledge, she is indeed my favorite cook. Amidst all that, I hope to see you.

Morton Fullerton During that last week in Paris, Anna too receives a letter. She slides it into her pocket and opens it three, five, eight times over the course of the day. It's from her niece, Anna Louise, in Missouri, imploring Anna to come.

Maybe not just for a visit, Aunt Anna. Would you consider coming for good? Is there any way we could entice you? Father does miss you. Your good company would perk him up considerably. You've worked hard for so many years. Wouldn't you like to make a home with us in Missouri, as you always said you would? We would be so happy to have you in our daily lives.

At first, Anna feels a heaviness as she reads the note. Her brother William is the eldest in their family; Anna is the youngest. William has recently retired from a career as a teacher, a school princ.i.p.al, a college professor. He taught German, loves poetry, books, ideas. But William's life has been marred by tragedy. His son, Lewis, the very soul of his life, a golden boy, shattered William's world by holding a rifle to his head and taking his own life after an ill-fated romance. The following year, William's beloved wife died of a broken heart.

William's heart is equally damaged, but he has not been lucky enough to die, he tells Anna sometimes. Alone, he's moved reluctantly from Warrensburg, where he taught, to Kansas City to live with his daughter. Anna's niece has written that there are entire days when he barely speaks. He goes to bed at dusk. He pushes his plate back not having touched a thing. And then, for months at a time, he'll be more like himself, until the dark times return. Anna is no fool. She's seen Teddy Wharton's dark days. Surely her brother's taken a turn for the worse. Otherwise, why would Anna Louise ask her to come now?

So she shudders on receiving this letter. And frets about it. Then she begins to envision what life in Missouri might be like, how calm and enveloping, and she starts to feel giddy at the thought.

She remembers one Fourth of July during a family visit years ago. How glorious the parade was up and down the main street of Warrensburg, Missouri, stars and stripes adorning farm wagons, children waving triumphantly from the seats, dogs prancing in ruffled red, white and blue collars. And the fireworks, the ice cream! It held a wholesomeness and hopefulness she can still savor. On that trip, she visited Kansas City. It hardly seemed more crowded, and offered the same innocence. Entirely different from the world she inhabits now-Edith's world of formal dinner parties, ironic banter. And Anna always feeling as though she's standing backstage.

In Missouri, the stage would be her own. She'd be surrounded by her great-nephews and great-niece! Billy, whose letters make her laugh. Charlie, the two-year-old. And the baby, a girl named Abbott-a baby she could hold in her arms! Well, that sounds fine indeed. To truly be "Aunt Anna." To have a place in the world!

Anna fantasizes telling Edith, "When we return to the States, I believe I will retire. I'd like to go to Kansas City, to be with my family."

She pictures Edith's shock, her hands clasped in distress, pleading, "But Tonni, I need you. How am I to write without you to lighten the load? Without your counsel?"

The thought of Edith so openly appreciating her would be worth the terror of breaking the tie. And Teddy. He would grasp her hands in his. His fingers would be warm and dry. He'd realize what Anna meant to all of them. To him in particular.

"Are you sure of this, Miss Anna?" he'd say. "I don't want you to leave." Her heart aches to think of it. She takes his locket into her hand, presses its eggsh.e.l.l smoothness into the nest of her palm and feels a sense of peace she hasn't felt for years.

The morning before they are to go to Le Havre to board the s.h.i.+p-the first morning it hasn't rained in a week-she asks Edith if she might take a walk with her.

"A walk?" Edith asks. "When there is so much to do?" She looks annoyed, but nods and asks the bonne to bring their wraps. "All right, then. Let's not take too long." They have been walking companions for many years. As they skirt the park, they say nothing. The sound of motorcars and horses, laughing children and some nearby construction seems to press between them. Anna's heart leaps against her throat. She feels light-headed.

And then she stops. "I've been thinking," she says at last.

"Thinking what?" Edith's voice is stern.

Anna cannot get the words out. She is sure she's going to faint.

"Can we sit down?" she asks.

Edith looks at her with concern. "What is it? Are you ill, Tonni?"

Anna shakes her head. They settle themselves on the nearest bench.

"I was thinking, when we go back, perhaps I won't come to The Mount with you. . . ." Her tongue feels thick in her mouth.

"You'd rather stay in New York?"

She can't swallow. She can barely breathe. "I want to go to Kansas City and be with my family, Edith. They want me to come." For an orphan, could there be anything more seductive than to be wanted? "They want me to stay."

Edith pales. She looks into Anna's eyes and Anna realizes Edith's face is dearer to her than any face she's ever known, more familiar than her brother's or her niece's. It's the face she's understood for too many years to count. Tears fill her eyes, then spill hot and plentiful.

"Well, then you shall go home, Tonni." Edith says softly. It's the voice she uses for Nicette and Mitou, the souls she loves most in the world. She strokes Anna's back, just as she does the Pekinese. "We'll arrange a reservation on a train out West the minute we land. You can join us at The Mount later in the summer. I can manage."

Anna hadn't antic.i.p.ated an interim solution. She could go out for the summer. She could cheer her brother up, help with the children, spend time with her family and then return.

"Of course, you are homesick! I would never keep you from your home or family. I would be happy to pay for your trip."

But is this what Anna wants? No laying down of her burden? No breathing easily at last?

Anna puts her face into her hands.

"There, dearest," Edith says, patting her hand. "No call for crying. We must hurry back. We have many things to accomplis.h.!.+ Especially if you are about to leave me."

It is as cold as a winter morning and still dark as the blue Panhard-Leva.s.sor roars away from the city toward Le Havre. Edith turns and watches the rows of electric lamps disappear to a single point on the horizon. She doesn't want to leave Paris. She has been awakened by the daily sting of its beauty, a venom, she knows, that will bedevil her forever. The promise of The Mount doesn't fill her with the pleasure it should. And in the port office in Le Havre, they are informed that the s.h.i.+p has boiler problems and will be delayed by at least two days.

"Boiler problems?" Cook scoffs. "Not likely. That gentleman over there says it's a strike."

"Why is it never simple?" Edith says petulantly, tossing her pale kid gloves down onto the stone floor. "First Anna wants to desert us. Now, this. I take it as an omen that we should turn right around and stay in Paris for the whole summer." Everyone knows that Edith doesn't like surprises. And two in a row! Cook gingerly squats for her gloves and hands them back to her.

"Bite your tongue, Puss." Teddy says. "You would stay at your brother's miserable little place rather than our Mount? Do you know what Paris is like in the summer? A cesspool." When Teddy gets upset, his lips turn as gray as liverwurst.

"And are your needs the only ones to be considered, Mr. Wharton?" Edith says.

Cook steps nervously between them. "Excuse me for interrupting. But perhaps I can offer you and Mrs. Wharton a short motor trip. In two days you could see a good deal of Normandy."

In the silence that follows, Edith's aspect lightens from surly to serene.

"That's exactly what we should do. Teddy?"

The color returns to Teddy's lips. "You'll get no argument from me."

The servants' trunks are separated from the rest. A hotel is found for Anna and Alfred White and Catherine Gross so they can stay on in the port with the trunks and the dogs.

In short order, the purr of the motor, the Normandy air and beautiful sights smooth all tempers. As they swoop past green fields and apple orchards, long velvet beaches and timbered houses, Teddy reaches over and squeezes Edith's hand. Edith can't help reflecting that despite this potentially sour ending, she has spent a wonderful season in France, one of the best of her life. She senses it the way animals sometimes antic.i.p.ate an earthquake-pawing the ground, restless-that something is about to s.h.i.+ft. It gives her spirits wings.

"Isn't this grand?" she exclaims.