Mr. Punch in the Highlands Part 18

[Ill.u.s.tration: "UNCO CANNY"

_n.o.ble Sportsman._ "Missed, eh?"

_Cautious Keeper._ "Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae faur as to say that; but a' doot ye hay'na _exactly_ hit."]

THE SONG OF THE SCOTCH TOURIST

Those Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels Are fit for princes and for swells; But their high charges don't agree With humbler travellers like me.

Twelve s.h.i.+llings daily for my board Is more than I can well afford, For this includes nor ale nor wine, Whereof I drink some when I dine.

Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six, A price that in my gizzard sticks: And if I want a pint of port, A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't.

For service, too, I have to pay, Two s.h.i.+llings, as a rule, per day: Yet always, when I leave the door, The boots and waiter beg for more.

So, till a fortune I can spend, Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend; Far cheaper there, experience tells, Is living than at Scotch hotels!

[Ill.u.s.tration: A VERY DIFFERENT MATTER

_Southern Lord_ (_staying at Highland castle_). "Thank you so much.

I--ah--weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place."

_Sandy the piper._ "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lords.h.i.+p be needin'?"

_Southern Lord._ "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy."

_Sandy_ (_sniffing_). "Och! Inteet!--Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lords.h.i.+p, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

THE END