The Punster's Pocket-book Part 10

P.S. By BERNARD BLACKMANTLE.

To which complaint, I add this note And sketch, by way of antidote, The glorious art can life enhance, A Pun will cause a Bear to dance, And as we here have proof,--provoke A bashful man to stand a joke.

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EXAMPLES IN PUNNING,

BY

ROYAL, n.o.bLE, AND EMINENT PERSONS.

THE PUNSTER'S BOWL.

The sovereign medicine of life, The antidote to care and strife-- Is friends.h.i.+p, and the cheerful bowl, When humour meets a kindred soul: Then flows the epigram, and pun, From starry eve, to morning's sun; And Laughter, "holding both his sides,"

The rubs and jeers of life derides.

Then honest hearts, elate with glee, Forget the world, and black _ennui_; For nought like punch, and puns, can drown, The supercilious rich man's frown, Or free the heart, a prey to care, From fortune's ills and fell despair.

Bernard Blackmantle.

EXAMPLES IN PUNNING.

"The seeds of punning are in the minds of all men."

_Addison, Spectator, No. 61._

ROYAL PUNS.

RIGHT DIVINE.

Among the few highly favoured individuals who were included in the select evening parties of his present Majesty, George the Fourth, while at the Pavilion, Brighton, was the facetious Reverend J. Wright. On one occasion the king suggested to his brother, the Duke of York, some intention he had of doing a particular act, to which the duke dissented, and his Majesty referred to the D.D. on which the reverend jocularly observed, "The king can do no wrong." Then, said his Majesty, "Fred. I shall pursue my object, for you hear I have '_Wright Divine_' on my side."

COOKE AND KITCHEN.

Sir George C., better known as Col. C., was said to have had an intrigue with a Mrs. Kitchen. When the king was told of it, he said, "It was very natural that a Cooke should be fond of _Kitchen stuff_, but if he meddles with the _Coles_ he will get out of the frying-pan into the fire." The _Coles_ were cousins to the lady.

A DOWN HILL PUN.

Sir George Hill, the vice-treasurer of Ireland, and a near relative to the Londonderry family, was among the visitors at the Pavilion. Dr.

Tierney remarked, that Sir George was getting old and feeble--"If I mistake not," replied the king, "he is going _down hill_ very rapidly."

"Hume and Croker had a sharp contest last night," said the Earl of Liverpool to his Majesty, "but it ended in _smoke_." "I don't wonder at that," replied the monarch; "The _Fire_ of _Croker_ was sure to _smoke_ like Irish _turf_ beneath the weight of Scotch _Hume-i-dity_."

Sir Edmund Nagle said he wondered that the king of France did not feel offended at the _squibs_ let off against him in the English newspapers.

"Pshaw!" said the king, "he would be a fool indeed to be frightened at a _squib_ in London, when at Paris he is sitting on a _barrel of gunpowder_."

LORD ELDON'S PUNNING JEU D'ESPRIT.

In an application to his Lords.h.i.+p for an injunction to restrain the proprietors of the "Gazette of Fas.h.i.+on" from selling the song of "We're a' Noddin," the Chancellor perceiving the trifling nature of the cause, after hearing the defendant, observed, "I will dismiss both parties, by granting an injunction against _Cease your Funning_."

LORD STOWELL,

On a recent occasion, having taken his seat in the Admiralty Court, inquired separately of the advocates, if they had any motion to _move_; and being answered in the _negative_, the judge very good humouredly replied, "Then, gentlemen, the best thing we can do will be to _move ourselves_."

GEORGE CANNING AND EARL BATHURST.

_Kicking the Bucket._

As the Earl Bathurst and George Canning were walking along Pall Mall, the Earl struck his foot, by accident, against a small pail, (which some careless servant had left at the door), and turned it over; "Why, your lords.h.i.+p has _kicked the bucket_," said the facetious orator; "No, not so bad as that, George," replied the witty earl, "I've only _turned a little pale_ (i. e. _pail_)."

LORD ERSKINE.

Few persons ever enjoyed a greater facility of punning upon the ancient languages than his lords.h.i.+p. For instance, on one of the articles of his breakfast apparatus, Lord E. had inscribed _Tu doces_, literally _Thou--Tea--Chest_.

THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON IN ACTION.

"Your Grace speaks without _reason_, and too much in a _pa.s.sion_," said a Spanish brunette to whom he had made a _proposal_, and was _pressing_ it somewhat _close_. "Ah! my dear little angel," said the great captain, "_reason_ has nothing to do with _love_; and _pa.s.sion_ is very desirable when we are on the point of _entering_ into _immediate action_."

TURN IN AND TURN OUT.

A n.o.ble lord who was aide-de-camp to the Duke of Wellington, visited the Duke early on the morning of the battle of Salamanca, and perceiving him lying on a very small camp bedstead, observed that his Grace "had not room to _turn_ himself." The Duke immediately replied, "When you have lived as long as I have, you will know that when a man thinks of _turning in_ his bed, it is time he should _turn out_ of it."

THE d.u.c.h.eSS OF DEVONs.h.i.+RE

Being told that a great public defaulter had married his _kept-mistress_, observed, "That fellow is always _robbing the public_."