The Punster's Pocket-book Part 11

ROGERS ON TASTE.

When the Marquis of Hertford opened his splendid hotel in Piccadilly, Mrs. Coutts was one of the visitors present--much to the annoyance of certain of our fair n.o.bility. In reply to an observation of _hers_, upon the splendour and magnificence of the furniture and decorations, Rogers archly remarked, that, "besides splendour, there was so much good taste in the _ornaments_ and _society_--every thing in the rooms was so _chaste_ and _delicate_."

LADY HAMILTON.

The beautiful Lady Hamilton having at her table given "Mr. Abraham Goldsmidt" as a toast, and Lord Nelson only half filling his gla.s.s, she cried, "Come, come, my Lord, you must not _sham Abraham_."

JACK BANNISTER AND THE GOUT.

A friend consoling with the comedian during a severe attack of the _gout_, observed, that the disease _prolonged life_, and added, "Any body might take a _lease_ of _yours_." "Then it must be," quoth Jack writhing with pain, "at a _rack rent_."

HOSPITALITY.

Jack Bannister, praising the hospitalities of the Irish, after his return from a trip to the sister kingdom, was asked if he had ever been at _Cork_? "No," replied the wit, "but I have seen a great many _drawings_ of it."

LUTTRELL AND ROGERS.

Luttrell and Sam Rogers met together at the Chinese Saloon the other day. "This must be a famous speculation," said Sam; "I think the proprietor of the _Anatomie Vivante_ should take his motto from my favourite epistle in Horace--

'Annonae prosit-- _Vir_ BONUS.'"

"Why," said Luttrell, "I think the man a humbug; you'll find plenty of living skeletons in our hospitals--so I think a better motto may be found for him in the same epistle, which you have quoted so often--

'_Vir_ BONUS est QUIZ.'"

THE RIGHT HONOURABLE CHARLES JAMES FOX.

C.J. Fox, and Mr. Hare, his friend, both much incommoded by duns, were together in a house, when seeing some very shabby men about the door, they were afraid they were bailiffs in search of them. Not knowing which was in danger, and wis.h.i.+ng to ascertain it, Fox opened the window, and calling to them, said, "Pray, gentlemen, are you _Fox-hunting_, or _Hare-hunting_?"

LORD ROSS.

The witty Lord Ross having spent all his money in London, set out for Ireland in order to recruit his purse. On his way he happened to meet with Sir Murrough O'Brien, driving for the capital in a lofty phaeton, with six fine _dun_-coloured horses. "Sir Murrough," exclaimed his Lords.h.i.+p, "what a contrast between you and me! I have left my _duns_ behind me; you are driving your _duns_ before you."

DR. JOHNSON.

Early one morning, the Doctor pa.s.sing by the end of the Old Bailey, observed a great crowd collected, and upon inquiring of Boswell what it meant, was informed that one _Vowel_ was going to be hanged for forgery.

"Well," replied the Doctor, "it is very clear, Bozzy, that it is neither _U_ nor _I_."

AN UNFORTUNATE CELEBRITY.

_Dr. Johnson._

A pert young fellow who had made some abortive attempts as an author, and notwithstanding the shallowness of his pretensions, was on excellent terms with himself, had long been labouring for an opportunity of being introduced to the Doctor, and at length succeeded in obtaining an invitation to Mr. Thrale's. Having taken proper means to be frequently accosted by his name, which, in his own fond imagination, was "_fama super aethera notum_," he sat for some time in expectation of being accosted by the Lexicographer. Finding, however, that his hopes were vain, he at length ventured to break the ice. Approaching the Doctor with a smile of self-sufficiency, "My name, Doctor Johnson," said he, "is----; you have probably heard of me as being of some celebrity in the literary world." "Yes, I have indeed," was the sarcastic reply he received, "of _very unfortunate celebrity_."

DR. PARR ON WANTS.

The Doctor used to say, that a man's happiness was secure in proportion to the _small number of his wants_; and he added, that, all his life, he had endeavoured to prevent the multiplication of them in himself. A Mr.

Ketch, on hearing this, said to him, "Then, Doctor, your secret of happiness is, to _cut down your wants_." "_Suspend_ your _puns_, Mr.

_Ketch_," said the Doctor, "and _I will drop_ you the hint: _My_ secret is, _not to let them grow up_."

GEORGE COLMAN.

George Colman being once asked if he were acquainted with Theodore Hook, replied, "Oh yes; Hook and I (_eye_) are old a.s.sociates."

JAMES SMITH, ESQ. ON SPRING AND SUMMER.

"We shall _jump_ into _summer_ all at once," said a friend to James Smith, one very fine day in the early part of the year. "Stop," said the punster, "if it is _leap year_, you must take a good _spring_ first."

s.h.i.+ELD AND SIR GEORGE SMART--THE SCORE OF MERIT.

s.h.i.+eld the composer, on the occasion of Sir George Smart being knighted, said, "It must have been on the _merit_ of his _score_[19], and not on the _score_ of his _merit_."

[19] _The t.i.tle was bestowed by the Duke of Richmond, then Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, who it is known was not over rich._

MR. WILLIAM SPENCER.

_Cla.s.sical Pun._

As William Spencer was contemplating the caricatures at Fores's one day, somebody pointed out to him Cruickshanks's design of the "Ostend packet in a squall;" when the wit, without at all sympathizing with the nausea visible on some of the faces represented in the print, exclaimed,

"Quodcunque Ostendis _mihi_ sic incredulus odi."

REYNOLDS THE DRAMATIST.

The amiable Mrs. W. always insists that her friends who take grog, should mix equal quant.i.ties of spirits and water, though she never observes the rule for herself. Reynolds having once made a gla.s.s under her directions, was asked by the lady--"Pray, Sir, is it--_As You Like It_?"--"No, Madam," replied the dramatist, "it is--_Measure for Measure_."

HENDERSON AND THE TWO GARRICKS.

_The Tatler, Spectator, and Guardian._

The first time that Henderson, the player, rehea.r.s.ed a part at Drury Lane, George Garrick came into the boxes, saying as he entered, "I only come as a spectator." Soon after he made some objection to Henderson's playing, when the young actor retorted--"Sir, I thought you were only to be a _Spectator_; instead of that you are turning _Tatler_." "Never mind him, Sir," said David Garrick, "never mind him, let him be what he will, I'll be the _Guardian_."

ANDREW CHERRY THE COMEDIAN.