The History of The Hen Fever Part 8

Dr. Bennett can supply me, I presume; but I want _pure_-bred stock.

I have no doubt my crower will weigh eighteen or nineteen pounds, at two years old; he is now only eight months old! Let me hear from you.

Resp'y, ---- -- ----.

No. 19.

MR. BURNHAM:

I always took you to be a man of honor, and I supposed _you_ knew (if anybody did) what a Cochin-China fowl was, because you imported your stock. Now, those you sent me, and for which I willingly paid you $40 for the three, are feathered on the legs; this should _not_ be, of course. How is this? They are fine, but I am certain they can be nothing but mere Shanghae fowls. Let me know about this, will you?

Yours, &c.

No. 20.

MY DEAR SIR:

I hardly know what to write you about the stock I had of you, six months ago, for "Cochin-Chinas." That they are _not_ Cochins I feel positive, however; for one half the chickens came smooth-legged, and the rest are heavily-feathered on the legs!! I consider them only _Shanghaes_, and now I want to know if you can send me a trio of _pure_ bloods, that you _know_ to be Cochins. If so, I care nothing about price. I want _blood_. "Blood tells," you know. Let me hear from you, and state your own views in this matter. I will be governed by your advice. Enclosed is ten dollars for a dozen of your "Cochin" eggs--_pure_, you know.

In haste,

Yours truly, ---- ----.

No. 21.

MR. BURNHAM.

SIR: Do you call yourself a man of honor? I bought one doz.

Cochin-China eggs of you, for which I paid you six dollars, cash. I set them, and I got but _ten_ chickens out of them (two eggs I found rotten, in the nest). Every one of these chicks are c.o.c.ks, sir--_c.o.c.ks_! Now, what the devil can _I_ do, do you imagine, with ten c.o.c.ks? I want to breed fowls. That is what I bought the eggs for; to begin _right_. You must have _known_ better than this.

Anybody could have seen that these were all male eggs. _I_ saw it, at once (I remember), but I _hoped_ I was mistaken. What do you propose to do about this? Let me know, _at once_, without fail.

In haste,

No. 22.

SIR: You may think well of the Cochin-China fowls,--I _don't_.

Those you sent me are long-legged, and there are no feathers on their legs, or feet, as there _ought_ to be. _I_ know what a Cochin-China fowl is, too well to be deceived in this way. I will keep them. _You are a humbug._ You are welcome to the thirty dollars I paid you. I don't ask you to return it. I don't want it.

I can get along very well without it. You need it. Keep it. Much good may it do you!

In haste,

P.S. Don't you wish you may get another $30 out of me, that way? O, yes--I guess you will--ha! ha!

No. 23.

MR. BARMAN. Dear Sir: I see in the Poultry Books that the Cotchin-China fowls lays two eggs every day,[9] and sometimes three a-day. I have hens that lays two eggs a-day, frequenly, but I want to get the breed that will lay _three_ eggs a-day, reglar. If you have got anny of the Cotchins that you _know_ lays three eggs a-day, I would like to get a few, at a fair price. I don't pay no fancy prices for 'em, though. The hen fever won't larst forever, I don't believe; and then when its busted up, what's the fowls good for, even if they _do_ lay three eggs a-day? Let me hear from you,--but don't send any fowls unless you are _sure_ they lay three eggs every day!

Yours, &c.,

No. 24.

MR. BURNHAM.--SIR: I am a gentleman, and I have no disposition to be fractious. I sent you twelve dollars, in a letter, for a dozen "Cotchin" eggs, and I set them. After waiting twenty-three days, I found two grizzled-colored chickens in the nest yesterday, both of them with huge _top-knots_ on their polls! What does this mean? Am I to be swindled out of my money thus? By return of mail if you do not refund my money, if I live I will prosecute you, if it costs me a thousand dollars. You may rely on this. I am not a man to be trifled with, and I refer you to Messrs. ---- & ----, who know me; you evidently do _not_!

In haste,

[I did not reply to this spicy favor, because, if the gentleman really was not a "fractious" man, I imagined he would like his pure-bred chickens better as they grew up; and, besides, I could afford to wait for "a gentleman" to cool off. I never heard from him, afterwards; and concluded that he didn't _live_ to carry out his laudable intention of expending a thousand dollars in prosecuting me! I trust that, before he departed, he became hopefully pious. Peace to his manes!]

No. 25.

SIR: Them fouls you sent me, got the sore-hed. I gin em tuppentyn and unyuns and brandy, but it want no use. The poletry books sed so, and I follered the direction, and _it killed 'em both deader'n thunder, in one night_! Now you've gut my mony, and I haint narry fowls. What'll I do? Don't you think this a pooty impersition? Send me another pear, to once--if you don't want _fits_.

In haist,

[I sent this man "another _pear_,"--only I didn't!]

[1] After a hen had set over four weeks on her nest, I should suppose she _might_ have been thus affected!

[2] O, the cannibal!

[3] I never heard from this customer again, and should now be glad to know if he ever got his "munney"!

[4] _Here_ was a "lawyer," who knew the difference between a Cochin-China and a Shanghae!

[5] This was the kind of gentleman I loved to fall in with.

[6] _Some_ persons would consider this personal!

[7] I would liked to have seen the dealer that could "fule" this customer more than "twict."

[8] I informed this purchaser that I could send him a pair which, if they "couldn't eat off the tops" of his flour-barrels, I'd warrant would eat up the _contents_ of one as quickly as he could desire!

[9] "This gigantic bird," says Richardson, a noted English writer, "is very prolific, _frequently laying two, and occasionally three eggs on the same day_!" And, in support of this monstrous a.s.sertion, he subsequently refers, as his authority for this statement (which was called in question), to the "Rt. Hon. Mr. Shaw, Recorder of Dublin, to Mr. Walters, Her Majesty's poultry-keeper, and to J. Joseph Nolan, Esq., of Dublin." This was, in _my_ opinion, one of the hums of the time, and I never had occasion to change that opinion. I do not believe the hen that _really_ laid two eggs in one day ever lived to do it a second time! I have _heard_ of this thing, however. But I never knew of the instance, myself.

CHAPTER XIII.