Quality Street Part 15

PHOEBE. Oh, no.

BLADES. Miss Livvy, I have something to say to you of supreme importance to me. With regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss Livvy, that it has retained a too youthful bloom. My brother officers comment on it with a certain lack of generosity. (_Anxiously._) Might I inquire, ma'am, whether you regard my complexion as a subject for light talk.

PHOEBE. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it.

BLADES (_who has had no intention of offering, but is suddenly carried off his feet by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt responsible for many proposals_). Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it.

(_She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before his affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She would endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have listened to you,_ ENSIGN BLADES, _with attention, but I am really_ MISS PHOEBE, _and I must now request you to fetch me the implement.' Under the shock, would he have surrendered his palm for punishment? It can never be known, for as she looks at him longingly,_ LIEUTENANT SPICER _enters, and he mistakes the meaning of that longing look._)

SPICER. 'Tis my dance, ma'am--'tis not Ensign Blades'.

BLADES. Leave us, sir. We have matter of moment to discuss.

SPICER (_fearing the worst_). His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so deep as mine. He is a light and shallow nature.

PHOEBE. Pooh! You are both light and shallow natures.

BLADES. Both, ma'am? (_But he is not sure that he has not had a miraculous escape._)

PHOEBE (_severely_). 'Tis such as you, with your foolish flirting ways, that confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as silly as yourselves.

SPICER (_crushed_). Ma'am.

PHOEBE. I did not mean to hurt you. (_She takes a hand of each and tries to advise them as if her curls were once more hidden under a cap._) You are so like little boys in a school. Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know you are very brave--

BLADES. Ha!

PHOEBE. And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt with the ladies again.

SPICER. Oh, ma'am.

PHOEBE. As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that you adore her.

BLADES (_in an ecstasy_). Nay, I swear.

PHOEBE. And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so deficient in conversation.

SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy.

PHOEBE (_with sudden irritation_). Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and read improving books.

(_They are cast down. She has not been quite fair to these gallants, for it is not really of them she has grown weary so much as of the lady they temporarily adore. If_ MISS PHOEBE _were to a.n.a.lyse her feelings she would find that her remark is addressed to_ LIVVY, _and that it means, 'I have enjoyed for a little pretending to be you, but I am not you and I do not wish to be you. Your glitter and the airs of you and the racket of you tire me, I want to be done with you, and to be back in quiet Quality Street, of which I am a part; it is really pleasant to me to know that I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged.' With the entrance of_ CAPTAIN BROWN, _however, she is at once a frivol again. He frowns at sight of her cavaliers._)

VALENTINE. Gentlemen, I instructed this lady to rest, and I am surprised to find you in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary of their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to order your chaise.

PHOEBE. It is indeed a liberty.

BLADES. An outrage.

PHOEBE. I prefer to remain.

VALENTINE. Nay.

PHOEBE. I promised this dance to Ensign Blades.

SPICER. To me, ma'am.

PHOEBE. And the following one to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm.

VALENTINE. I forbid any further dancing.

PHOEBE. Forbid. La!

BLADES. Sir, by what right----

VALENTINE. By a right which I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you gentlemen have retired.

(PHOEBE _sees that the declaration is coming. She steels herself._)

PHOEBE. I am curious to know what Captain Brown can have to say to me.

In a few minutes, Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall be at your service.

VALENTINE. I trust not.

PHOEBE. I give them my word.

(_The young gentlemen retire, treading air once more_. BROWN _surveys her rather grimly._)

VALENTINE. You are an amazing pretty girl, ma'am, but you are a shocking flirt.

PHOEBE. La!

VALENTINE. It has somewhat diverted me to watch them go down before you. But I know you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier in your one hand there is a handkerchief in the other ready to staunch their wounds.

PHOEBE. I have not observed that they bled much.

VALENTINE. The Blades and the like, no. But one may, perhaps.

PHOEBE (_obviously the reference is to himself_). Perhaps I may wish to see him bleed.

VALENTINE (_grown stern_). For shame, Miss Livvy. (_Anger rises in her, but she wishes him to proceed._) I speak, ma'am, in the interests of the man to whom I hope to see you affianced.

(_No, she does not wish him to proceed. She had esteemed him for so long, she cannot have him debase himself before her now._)

PHOEBE. Shall we--I have changed my mind, I consent to go home.

Please to say nothing.

VALENTINE. Nay----