The School for Scandal Part 23

SURFACE, solus Soh!--This is one bad effect of a good Character--it invites applications from the unfortunate and there needs no small degree of address to gain the reputation of Benevolence without incurring the expence.--The silver ore of pure Charity is an expensive article in the catalogue of a man's good Qualities--whereas the sentimental French Plate I use instead of it makes just as good a shew--and pays no tax.

Enter ROWLEY

ROWLEY. Mr. Surface--your Servant: I was apprehensive of interrupting you, tho' my Business demands immediate attention-- as this Note will inform you----

SURFACE. Always Happy to see Mr. Rowley--how--Oliver--Surface!-- My Unkle arrived!

ROWLEY. He is indeed--we have just parted--quite well--after a speedy voyage--and impatient to embrace his worthy Nephew.

SURFACE. I am astonished!--William[!] stop Mr. Stanley, if He's not gone----

ROWLEY. O--He's out of reach--I believe.

SURFACE. Why didn't you let me know this when you came in together.--

ROWLEY. I thought you had particular--Business--but must be gone to inform your Brother, and appoint him here to meet his Uncle.

He will be with you in a quarter of an hour----

SURFACE. So he says. Well--I am strangely overjoy'd at his coming-- never to be sure was anything so d.a.m.n'd unlucky!

ROWLEY. You will be delighted to see how well He looks.

SURFACE. O--I'm rejoiced to hear it--just at this time----

ROWLEY. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him----

SURFACE. Do--do--pray--give my best duty and affection--indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him!--certainly his coming just at this Time is the cruellest piece of ill Fortune---- [Exeunt.]

SCENE II.--At SIR PETER'S House

Enter MRS. CANDOUR and SERVANT

SERVANT. Indeed Ma'am, my Lady will see n.o.body at Present.

MRS. CANDOUR. Did you tell her it was her Friend Mrs. Candour----

SERVANT. Yes Ma'am but she begs you will excuse her----

MRS. CANDOUR. Do go again--I shall be glad to see her if it be only for a moment--for I am sure she must be in great Distress [exit MAID]

--Dear Heart--how provoking!--I'm not mistress of half the circ.u.mstances!--We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers with the Names of the Parties at length before I have dropt the story at a dozen houses.

Enter SIR BENJAMIN

Sir Benjamin you have heard, I suppose----

SIR BENJAMIN. Of Lady Teazle and Mr. Surface----

MRS. CANDOUR. And Sir Peter's Discovery----

SIR BENJAMIN. O the strangest Piece of Business to be sure----

MRS. CANDOUR. Well I never was so surprised in my life!--I am so sorry for all Parties--indeed,

SIR BENJAMIN. Now I don't Pity Sir Peter at all--he was so extravagant--partial to Mr. Surface----

MRS. CANDOUR. Mr. Surface!--why 'twas with Charles Lady Teazle was detected.

SIR BENJAMIN. No such thing Mr. Surface is the gallant.

MRS. CANDOUR. No--no--Charles is the man--'twas Mr. Surface brought Sir Peter on purpose to discover them----

SIR BENJAMIN. I tell you I have it from one----

MRS. CANDOUR. And I have it from one----

SIR BENJAMIN. Who had it from one who had it----

MRS. CANDOUR. From one immediately--but here comes Lady Sneerwell-- perhaps she knows the whole affair.

Enter LADY SNEERWELL

LADY SNEERWELL. So--my dear Mrs. Candour Here's a sad affair of our Friend Teazle----

MRS. CANDOUR. Aye my dear Friend, who could have thought it.

LADY SNEERWELL. Well there is no trusting to appearances[;] tho'-- indeed she was always too lively for me.

MRS. CANDOUR. To be sure, her manners were a little too--free-- but she was very young----

LADY SNEERWELL. And had indeed some good Qualities.

MRS. CANDOUR. So she had indeed--but have you heard the Particulars?

LADY SNEERWELL. No--but everybody says that Mr. Surface----

SIR BENJAMIN. Aye there I told you--Mr. Surface was the Man.

MRS. CANDOUR. No--no--indeed the a.s.signation was with Charles----

LADY SNEERWELL. With Charles!--You alarm me Mrs. Candour!

MRS. CANDOUR. Yes--yes He was the Lover--Mr. Surface--do him justice--was only the Informer.

SIR BENJAMIN. Well I'll not dispute with you Mrs. Candour-- but be it which it may--I hope that Sir Peter's wound will not----

MRS. CANDOUR. Sir Peter's wound! O mercy! I didn't hear a word of their Fighting----

LADY SNEERWELL. Nor I a syllable!