The School for Scandal Part 24

SIR BENJAMIN. No--what no mention of the Duel----

MRS. CANDOUR. Not a word--

SIR BENJAMIN. O, Lord--yes--yes--they fought before they left the Room.

LADY SNEERWELL. Pray let us hear.

MRS. CANDOUR. Aye--do oblige--us with the Duel----

SIR BENJAMIN. 'Sir'--says Sir Peter--immediately after the Discovery, 'you are a most ungrateful Fellow.'

MRS. CANDOUR. Aye to Charles----

SIR BENJAMIN. No, no--to Mr. Surface--'a most ungrateful Fellow; and old as I am, Sir,' says He, 'I insist on immediate satisfaction.'

MRS. CANDOUR. Aye that must have been to Charles for 'tis very unlikely Mr. Surface should go to fight in his own House.

SIR BENJAMIN. Gad's Life, Ma'am, not at all--giving me immediate satisfaction--on this, Madam--Lady Teazle seeing Sir Peter in such Danger--ran out of the Room in strong Hysterics--and Charles after her calling out for Hartshorn and Water! Then Madam--they began to fight with Swords----

Enter CRABTREE

CRABTREE. With Pistols--Nephew--I have it from undoubted authority.

MRS. CANDOUR. Oh, Mr. Crabtree then it is all true----

CRABTREE. Too true indeed Ma'am, and Sir Peter Dangerously wounded----

SIR BENJAMIN. By a thrust in second--quite thro' his left side

CRABTREE. By a Bullet lodged in the Thorax----

MRS. CANDOUR. Mercy--on me[!] Poor Sir Peter----

CRABTREE. Yes, ma'am tho' Charles would have avoided the matter if he could----

MRS. CANDOUR. I knew Charles was the Person----

SIR BENJAMIN. O my Unkle I see knows nothing of the matter----

CRABTREE. But Sir Peter tax'd him with the basest ingrat.i.tude----

SIR BENJAMIN. That I told you, you know----

CRABTREE. Do Nephew let me speak--and insisted on immediate----

SIR BENJAMIN. Just as I said----

CRABTREE. Odds life! Nephew allow others to know something too-- A Pair of Pistols lay on the Bureau--for Mr. Surface--it seems, had come home the Night before late from Salt-Hill where He had been to see the Montem with a Friend, who has a Son at Eton--so unluckily the Pistols were left Charged----

SIR BENJAMIN. I heard nothing of this----

CRABTREE. Sir Peter forced Charles to take one and they fired-- it seems pretty nearly together--Charles's shot took Place as I tell you--and Sir Peter's miss'd--but what is very extraordinary the Ball struck against a little Bronze Pliny that stood over the Fire Place-- grazed out of the window at a right angle--and wounded the Postman, who was just coming to the Door with a double letter from Northamptons.h.i.+re.

SIR BENJAMIN. My Unkle's account is more circ.u.mstantial I must confess--but I believe mine is the true one for all that.

LADY SNEERWELL. I am more interested in this Affair than they imagine--and must have better information.-- [Exit.]

SIR BENJAMIN. Ah! Lady Sneerwell's alarm is very easily accounted for.--

CRABTREE. Yes yes, they certainly DO say--but that's neither here nor there.

MRS. CANDOUR. But pray where is Sir Peter at present----

CRABTREE. Oh! they--brought him home and He is now in the House, tho' the Servants are order'd to deny it----

MRS. CANDOUR. I believe so--and Lady Teazle--I suppose attending him----

CRABTREE. Yes yes--and I saw one of the Faculty enter just before me----

SIR BENJAMIN. Hey--who comes here----

CRABTREE. Oh, this is He--the Physician depend on't.

MRS. CANDOUR. O certainly it must be the Physician and now we shall know----

Enter SIR OLIVER

CRABTREE. Well, Doctor--what Hopes?

MRS. CANDOUR. Aye Doctor how's your Patient?

SIR BENJAMIN. Now Doctor isn't it a wound with a small sword----

CRABTREE. A bullet lodged in the Thorax--for a hundred!

SIR OLIVER. Doctor!--a wound with a small sword! and a Bullet in the Thorax!--oon's are you mad, good People?

SIR BENJAMIN. Perhaps, Sir, you are not a Doctor.

SIR OLIVER. Truly Sir I am to thank you for my degree If I am.

CRABTREE. Only a Friend of Sir Peter's then I presume--but, sir, you must have heard of this accident--

SIR OLIVER. Not a word!

CRABTREE. Not of his being dangerously wounded?

SIR OLIVER. The Devil he is!