The School for Scandal Part 28

CHARLES. Aye now comes my Turn--the d.a.m.n'd Family Pictures will ruin me--

SURFACE. Sir Oliver--Unkle--will you honour me with a hearing--

CHARLES. I wish Joseph now would make one of his long speeches and I might recollect myself a little--

SIR OLIVER. And I suppose you would undertake to vindicate yourself entirely--

SURFACE. I trust I could--

SIR OLIVER. Nay--if you desert your Roguery in its Distress and try to be justified--you have even less principle than I thought you had.--[To CHARLES SURFACE] Well, Sir--and YOU could JUSTIFY yourself too I suppose--

CHARLES. Not that I know of, Sir Oliver.

SIR OLIVER. What[!] little Premium has been let too much into the secret I presume.

CHARLES. True--Sir--but they were Family Secrets, and should not be mentioned again you know.

ROWLEY. Come Sir Oliver I know you cannot speak of Charles's Follies with anger.

SIR OLIVER. Odd's heart no more I can--nor with gravity either-- Sir Peter do you know the Rogue bargain'd with me for all his Ancestors--sold me judges and Generals by the Foot, and Maiden Aunts as cheap as broken China!

CHARLES. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with the Family Canvas that's the truth on't:--my Ancestors may certainly rise in judgment against me there's no denying it--but believe me sincere when I tell you, and upon my soul I would not say so if I was not--that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my Follies, it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing you, my liberal benefactor.

SIR OLIVER. Charles--I believe you--give me your hand again: the ill-looking little fellow over the Couch has made your Peace.

CHARLES. Then Sir--my Grat.i.tude to the original is still encreased.

LADY TEAZLE. [Advancing.] Yet I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.

SIR OLIVER. O I have heard of his Attachment there--and, with the young Lady's Pardon if I construe right that Blush----

SIR PETER. Well--Child--speak your sentiments--you know--we are going to be reconciled to Charles--

MARIA. Sir--I have little to say--but that I shall rejoice to hear that He is happy--For me--whatever claim I had to his Affection-- I willing resign to one who has a better t.i.tle.

CHARLES. How Maria!

SIR PETER. Heyday--what's the mystery now? while he appeared an incorrigible Rake, you would give your hand to no one else and now that He's likely to reform I'll warrant You won't have him!

MARIA. His own Heart--and Lady Sneerwell know the cause.

[CHARLES.] Lady Sneerwell!

SURFACE. Brother it is with great concern--I am obliged to speak on this Point, but my Regard to justice obliges me-- and Lady Sneerwell's injuries can no longer--be concealed-- [Goes to the Door.]

Enter LADY SNEERWELL

SIR PETER. Soh! another French milliner egad! He has one in every Room in the House I suppose--

LADY SNEERWELL. Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised and feel for the indelicate situation which your Perfidy has forced me into.

CHARLES. Pray Unkle, is this another Plot of yours? for as I have Life I don't understand it.

SURFACE. I believe Sir there is but the evidence of one Person more necessary to make it extremely clear.

SIR PETER. And that Person--I imagine, is Mr. Snake--Rowley--you were perfectly right to bring him with us--and pray let him appear.

ROWLEY. Walk in, Mr. Snake--

Enter SNAKE

I thought his Testimony might be wanted--however it happens unluckily that He comes to confront Lady Sneerwell and not to support her--

LADY SNEERWELL. A Villain!--Treacherous to me at last! Speak, Fellow, have you too conspired against me?

SNAKE. I beg your Ladys.h.i.+p--ten thousand Pardons--you paid me extremely Liberally for the Lie in question--but I unfortunately have been offer'd double to speak the Truth.

LADY SNEERWELL. The Torments of Shame and Disappointment on you all!

LADY TEAZLE. Hold--Lady Sneerwell--before you go let me thank you for the trouble you and that Gentleman have taken in writing Letters from me to Charles and answering them yourself--and let me also request you to make my Respects to the Scandalous College--of which you are President--and inform them that Lady Teazle, Licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted her--as she leaves of[f]

Practice and kills Characters no longer.

LADY SNEERWELL. Provoking--insolent!--may your Husband live these fifty years!

[Exit.]

SIR PETER. Oons what a Fury----

LADY TEAZLE. A malicious Creature indeed!

SIR PETER. Hey--not for her last wish?--

LADY TEAZLE. O No--

SIR OLIVER. Well Sir, and what have you to say now?

SURFACE. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner to impose on us all that I know not what to say----however, lest her Revengeful Spirit should prompt her to injure my Brother I had certainly better follow her directly.

[Exit.]

SIR PETER. Moral to the last drop!

SIR OLIVER. Aye and marry her Joseph if you can.--Oil and Vinegar egad:--you'll do very well together.

ROWLEY. I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake at Present--

SNAKE. Before I go--I beg Pardon once for all for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the Parties present.

SIR PETER. Well--well you have made atonement by a good Deed at last--

SNAKE. But I must Request of the Company that it shall never be known--