The Life and Adventures of Maj. Roger Sherman Potter Part 16

"The consummation of this being announced in all the newspapers, it was ordered that I occupy a seat in the office at an immense mahogany desk, at least three hours a day. I was to have all the daily papers duly filed at my hand, and to appear immersed in a pile of correspondence, just received per various foreign arrivals. If a customer strayed to me, I was to refer him to Flutter, who was the polite man of the firm, and generally sat in an enclosure of highly polished walnut railings, at a desk, upon which lay an enormous ledger he was for ever footing up, and which he at times left with great reluctance. Sometimes I was directed to refer the customer to a foreign gentleman who sat demurely at a desk in a corner, engaged in filling up foreign bills of exchange. In leaving unnoticed much that the house did, I may mention that it soon got into an extensive credit; for Flutter, who was a man of extremely good looks and dress, kept two of the best looking and most expensive female companions in Twenty-third Street, while Prig had a stud of seven horses, not one of which could be beat at Harlem; and these qualifications were excellent pa.s.sports into the credit of the banking world of Wall Street. In truth, Flutter would frequently say, that the very hue and circ.u.mstance of their establishment was such as to make an impression upon, and secure the confidence of, the most flinty hearted banker; and as love of show was the malady of the nation, you must make the plaster to suit.

"Pickle was engaged most of the time in outdoor operations, and left to Prig and Flutter the sole management of the exchanges. And both being extremely generous men, and fast enough for any thing, they soon made a large circle of friends, whose paper they were ready to endorse out of sheer love. I had money enough for all my wants, and began to think myself the happiest of men. It was also deemed advisable, and for the advantage of the house, that I should go to board at the Astor. So, rubbing out the old score, I left my humble lodgings at Mrs. Pickle's, and returned to my old quarters, where, on seeing the quality of my pocket, I soon got in high favor with the landlord, and gave dinners to my friends. We went on swimmingly for nearly a year, and the Young American Banking House of Pickle, Prig, Flutter, & Co., it got rumored on the street, had been wonderfully prosperous. I sent my wife, Polly Potter, enough to live like a lady, and all the village began to say she was an excellent person, and our children played with the children of the best of them. One day, a short time after we had been drawing no end of bills, and selling largely of foreign exchange, there came back upon us such a large amount of returned paper as completely drove Flutter out of sight, while Prig said he held it advisable not to be seen at the counter. Twenty-four hours pa.s.sed, and he also was not to be found. Poor Pickle got nervous, and turned pale, and offered all the excuses his ingenuity could invent to save himself from a cage with bars. Curses came like thunder claps upon the head of the house, but it was all to no effect. We had no balance in the bank, and cursing money out of a dead banking house, it seemed to me, was as useless an occupation as trying to get goods out of the custom house without feeing an employ of that very accommodating asylum for idlers and rogues. The house thought it advisable to shut up, which it did by posting a notice to that effect upon the door. For myself, I felt like making my peace with my Maker, and enjoining him to send me some less perplexing mission; for the thing got into the newspapers, and we were held up to be a set of impostors, who deserved to be well hanged.

"And then Wall Street got into a strong frenzy, raised a cry of holy horror that such miscreants had been suffered to pollute the atmosphere of its righteousness; to preserve which its votaries were ready to call in all the bishops and priests of the land; though not a word was said of the many who had ransomed their backslidings with the tears of widows they had induced to invest in divers schemes.

But to make the matter worse, it was found that Flutter, who was skilled in caligraphy, and could imitate the signatures of others to perfection, had raised a large amount of money on a species of collateral that proved to be worthless, though excellent as ill.u.s.trating his skill in imitation. In truth, Flutter could manufacture first cla.s.s paper with a degree of perfection rarely excelled. As neither Flutter nor Prig were to be found, and all attempts to solve the mystery of their ancestry proved futile, poor Pickle was arrested, called a miscreant, and all sorts of evil names; but was declared innocent by a jury of his peers, though his trial made a great noise, and there were enough unkind enough to say he ought to get twenty-one years in the penitentiary. Sly insinuations were also cast out about me; but they were coupled with so much courtesy, that as I had made nothing by the concern, I proceeded straight to the Astor, explained the state of my distress to the landlord, who indulged his disappointment with a few regrets, but at length said I ought to thank heaven it was no worse. He said he would wait for the little affair between us, hoping that fortune would so smile on me as to hasten the pay day. The Young American Banking House of Pickle, Prig, Flutter, & Co., being at an end, I held it prudent to give up my mission to Was.h.i.+ngton, (I had received news that my chances were slender,) and get quickly and quietly to my wife Polly, who at first thought I had come to take her and the family to live among the fine folks of New York, and was sorely grieved when the truth came out, but soon embraced me like a good wife. And together we lived as happily as could be desired, (I made calf brogans at twenty cents a pair,) until I went to the Mexican War, where, by my merit and bravery, I soon won my way to distinction."

CHAPTER x.x.xIV.

WHICH DESCRIBES SEVERAL STRANGE INCIDENTS THAT TOOK PLACE, AND MUST BE RECORDED, OR THE TRUTH OF THIS HISTORY MAY BE QUESTIONED.

THE major concluded his narrative, but forgot to mention, that when he returned home to his family, it was as plain Major Roger Potter-a change he considered due to discretion, for the villagers were extremely inquisitive, and might inquire by what process he was made a general. And, as his military honor never failed him, so was it brought into excellent use in gaining an advantage over the landlord of the Astor.

The night was now far advanced, and as we were about retiring to bed, Barnum entered, and, after debating various subjects, the conversation turned upon the wonderful pig, Duncan. The major swore he would not part with him for his weight in gold, as he intended soon to place him under the care of Doctor Easley, who would so cultivate his knowledge of German and other languages, as to take the critics by surprise, and cause them to get up a controversy concerning his talents, which was a fas.h.i.+on with them. And, as neither Easley could be embarra.s.sed with his charge, nor the charge be ashamed of his tutor, who contemplated himself the greatest living critic after Macaulay, he would prosecute his studies with every advantage to himself, since, when he was brought forward for public favor, Easley could not abandon his pupil, and, being well paid, would consider himself in duty bound to write divers panegyrics in his praise. But Barnum, who was as shrewd as the major, though, perhaps, not so great a knave, persisted that such a course of instruction, and with such a tutor, could not fail to prove a grave injury, since the pig's talents were valuable only because they were natural, and the more wonderful on that account.

As to Easley, he was but a dilapidated priest, much given to such tricks as were common with them, and, being employed by numerous publishers, who held him in high esteem as a critic, thought it no harm to write profound essays on the very trashy books of very sentimental school girls of sixteen. Barnum continued in this strain until he convinced the major that it would not be safe to place so gifted an animal under instructions to so capricious a critic as Easley, who would surely damage his morals, as well as his manners.

He also declared that his dealings in monstrosities had got him into numerous difficulties with editors and savans, which caused him to contemplate giving it up, though he well knew the public appet.i.te for such things had not lessened a whit. And though the state of his affairs were somewhat chronic, he thought, if he could get another first cla.s.s monstrosity, he could create an excitement that would make his fortune, and send New York mad. He had thought of getting up a clever imitation of the devil, which he was sure the public would all rush to see, and had undertaken the enterprise, but that he feared the editors would pick some flaw in him; for, though he had made them a mermaid, and a wooly horse, they still complained of his skill, and said he was not fit, when his friends suggested him for President of the United States.

I finally witnessed an agreement between this wonderful man and the major, by which the latter was to engage Duncan to the former at ten dollars a night, for ten nights, the engagement then to expire, and be open to further negotiations, according to the degree of favor then established between the animal and the public. And, as an evidence of his faith in the pig's talent, Barnum declared the first wonderful feat he intended to perfect him in, was that of sitting in state and presiding over primary meetings; and no man of sound sense would say he had not talent enough for the office.

When, then, the bargain was completed, and the major had given an order for the safe delivery of the pig into the hands of the loquacious showman, he touched him on the arm, and said, with an air of much sympathy, "Remember, sir, my affection for this animal makes it not the easiest thing in the world for me to part with him. And he was a great favorite with my wife Polly, who was so much attached to him that she shed no few tears at his departure. Pray see well to his behavior; and, as I take you for as good a Christian gentleman as any of them, I would have you remember that he was brought up in the care of the clergy, and can cut pranks enough if you let him have his way, though, from what I have seen, I should judge he had no love for the vulgar politics they delight to meddle with. Another favor I have to ask is this-that you will not whisper the owners.h.i.+p, lest the matter between us get to the ears of the editors, who would make much of it to the damage of my reputation as a politician.

There is, also," he continued, in a whisper, "a little affair or two outstanding, which might make it extremely inconvenient."

No sooner had the showman taken his departure, than three distinguished generals entered, saying they had come to pay their respects to a fellow in arms, whom it was the pleasure of the city to honor. Each approached him with great gravity of manner, and, after shaking him warmly by the hand, presented him with sundry congratulations in what are called neat and appropriate speeches. To which the major replied, thanking heaven that with clean hands and various gifts of the head, he had served his country like a man; and, as his mission was not yet filled, he hoped (if the devil interposed no obstacles) yet to render his country a service such as historians would write of. He now bade them be seated, and ordered an abundance of good wine, of which they partook without objection, and were soon as merry a set of fellows as ever bivouacked; for in truth they readily discovered the mental deficiencies of the major, and, to make up for the deception of which they were made victims by the newspapers, resolved to enjoy the diversion afforded them by the quaintness of the major, who, though he had never put foot in Mexico, at once inquired of them the brigade they belonged to, and what service they had seen in that country. The spokesman of the party, whose bearing bespoke him a man acquainted with arms, and who was as great a wag as Tim Bobbin, immediately answered by saying that they were in the hottest of the battles of Palo Alto, Resaca de la Palma, Metamoras, and Buena Vista. And not to say too much of their bravery, he might mention that they were within smell of the gunpowder that stormed the heights of Cerro Gordo. Indeed, they were in so many battles, and bore away so many scars, that it was impossible to remember them all.

"Faith, gentlemen, that is exactly the case with me," interrupted the major, "for I was in so many, that if I had the memory of a Sampson I could not keep them all at my tongue's end, though I remember well enough what a buffeting we got at the storming of San Juan de Ulloa. As to the brigade I was in, that's neither here nor there; and whether it was the first or second will not be set down against a man when he is dead. But if you will have proof that I also was in the hottest of it, pray let your eyes not deceive you."

Here the major gave his head a significant toss, and waddled across the floor to his wardrobe, from which he exultingly drew forth his military coat and three cornered hat. The former was indeed an ancient fabric, with which divers and sundry moths had made sad havoc, though he held it before the light and swore, by not less than three saints, the holes were all made by bullets. If either had doubted this evidence of his valor, he was ready to strip to the buff, and satisfy their eyes with the veritable scars. But they all declared themselves satisfied that he had given sufficient proof of his valor. Indeed, the odor that began to escape as he doffed his coat, in earnest of his sincerity, was by no means pleasant, and consequently hastened a favorable decision.

The major was more than ever elated that the affair should have taken such a pleasant turn, and bid them fill their gla.s.ses, which they were glad enough to do, with renewals at such short intervals that the major, who was not to be outdone in number of gla.s.ses, providing his patriotism was pledged in them, found himself in a state of mental configuration, for he saw ghosts and dead warriors by the dozen, all of which he would have sworn, in a court of law, were real flesh and blood. In fine, he capered about the room like a madman, feeling at his side for his sword, and swearing, by his military reputation, that he would think no more of killing them than he would so many Was.h.i.+ngton lobby agents.

Among these generals, there was a short, fat man, of the name of Benthornham, who, with the exception that he was less pumpkin bellied than the major, one might have supposed cast in the same mould, for he was squint eyed, and had a red nose, in size and shape very like a birch tree knot. Nor was he a whit behind the major in tipping his gla.s.s; and though there was a review on the following day, to which they had invited the major, out of sheer respect to his fame, there was sufficient cause to apprehend that this General Benthornham, (officer of the day though he was,) would not be sober enough to appear. However, as they all boarded at the St. Nicholas, one of the party suggested, that in order to pay becoming honor to so distinguished a major, they invite him to General Benthornham's room. And as the major never refused an invitation, especially when it came from persons distinguished in the profession in which he claimed to have won no small honors, he at once joined them, and proceeded to the room aforesaid, where brandy and champagne, in great abundance, were provided, and to which the major took with such renewed avidity, that they began to think his bowels vulcanized.

After they had plied him sufficiently with liquor, they insisted that he relate some of the wonderful exploits he had performed in war and politics, which he did, and with such an appearance of truth, that the two who had not so far drenched their senses with liquor as to be incapable of judging, whispered to themselves that he was not so much of a fool after all; in fact, that there was so much truth in what he said, that no man could doubt his being a real and not a sham hero of the Mexican War. "It does not become me to speak of myself, gentlemen," said the major, in conclusion, "but if there was a war in Mexico I was not in, it was not worth calling a war; and as for politics, why I have made twenty-eight speeches in a month, and you may learn of their quality by inquiring of the people of Barnstable, who used to praise them enough, G.o.d knows."

It being past midnight, the two sober generals withdrew, undecided as to the major's mental qualities, and left him with General Benthornham, whom he found no difficulty in soon talking into a profound sleep. And this the major, who was not so far gone as to forget what belonged to good manners, regarded as an indignity no really great military man could suffer to pa.s.s unresented. He thereupon mounted his three cornered hat and stalked out of the room, in the hope of finding his own and going quietly to bed. But such was the labyrinth of pa.s.sages, that he lost his way, and mistook for his own the bedroom of a fellow boarder, which was natural enough considering the state of his optics. And though it was an hour when every honest husband should be dividing his bed with his better half, and all suspicions set at rest with the lock on the door fast secured, the major found no difficulty in entering this room, which he did with as little ceremony as he would drive his tin wagon. But no sooner had he begun to doff his wardrobe, than a figure quite resembling a ghost, with a pale, round face, and two eyes of great l.u.s.ter, flamed in the crimped border of a very white nightcap, rose up in the bed, and with an air of bewilderment, said, "Charles, my dear, here it is almost morning, and you are but just home. O, Charles!"

"Please, my good woman," spoke the major, pausing, and looking surprised at the strange object he fancied in his bed, "you might find better business than this. You must know, I am a man of family, and have a wife, which is enough for any honest man. So if you will just take yourself away like an honest woman, as I would have every one of your s.e.x, I will say no more, for I have heard of these tricks, and am not ready to be robbed of my character."

The figure now gave sundry screams, which echoed and reechoed along the pa.s.sages, and brought not only the watchmen of the house, but a dozen or more boarders, all in their night dresses, and nearly frightened out of their wits, to the scene of distress. Several courageous ladies, with threatening gestures, ventured to say he ought to be well hanged, (the good for nothing fellow!) for attempting such liberties at that hour. Others said military men were all alike.

"Hi! hi! what's here to do?" exclaimed the head watchman, a burly fellow of forty, as he made his way through a barricade of night gowns. "Come, sir, you must take yourself away from here. You have insulted the lady; have intruded yourself where you have no right; and if you get not away before her husband comes, he will cut you to bits." ("He is a Georgian, and would rather have his wife dead than another man make free with her," whispered a bystander, as the watchman admonished the major by taking him by the arm.)

The major, however, stood with his nether garments in his hands, like one bewildered, muttering, as his eyes blinked in the bright gas light, which one of the courageous females had ignited: "I would have you know, ladies, that I am known for my gallantry, and am a man who would share his meal any day with a lone female. And if you will give me peace by taking this lady away, I will forgive her, and beseech heaven to do the same. I may tell you that I am Major Roger Sherman Potter, commonly called Major Roger Potter; but I say this not of myself, for I take it you know me well enough."

The distressed female now stood erect in her night robes, screeching at the top of her voice, for she believed a madman had entered her room, and went straight into a fit of hysterics, while the watchman and numerous of the female bystanders gathered around the major, and would have torn him to pieces, but for a clergyman, who suddenly made his appearance, in his s.h.i.+rt and spectacles, and commenced reading them a lesson on the qualities of mercy.

But while the parson and one of the bystanders were offering all sorts of apologies for the major, which were having their effect on the females, who, on discovering the nature of the accident, enjoyed the joke exceedingly, the husband of the lady, being informed of what had occurred by one of the waiters, who knew the truant's haunts at any hour, came rus.h.i.+ng into the room, and without waiting for an explanation, set upon the major with the fury of a goaded tiger, and when he had belabored him with a cudgel until they all declared there was not life enough in him to last till day light, drew a knife, and had despatched him on the spot, but for General Benthornham, who, being called upon to quell the outbreak, had armed himself with his sword, and came toddling into the room in his s.h.i.+rt and night cap, his soppy face and red nose made scarlet with excitement, and presenting so sorry a figure that the courageous females scampered away to their rooms, and covered their blushes with the sheets.

"Heavens!" exclaimed the general, resting the point of his sword on the floor, "what's here to do?" In another moment he advanced between the contestants, and with his sword struck the knife from the uplifted hand of the Georgian, and commanded him to spare the life at his mercy. "Pray, sir," said he, "don't forget to be merciful, for he is a military gentleman of distinction, and I am sure it was an accident you will readily forgive when it is explained." The Georgian replied, that it had become a fas.h.i.+on with military men to carry their gallantry a little too far with females, and rather than regret the trouncing he had given the major, he hoped the example would have its effect.

The landlord now made his appearance, and seeing the city's guest in such a plight, inquired into the cause, but could get no satisfactory account of it; and being scrupulous of the reputation of his house, he enjoined them to keep the affair as quiet as possible, lest it get to the ear of the editors, who would take great pride in using it to his damage. He then closed the door and endeavored to raise the major to his feet, but he was so like a dead man, and had lost so much good red blood, that the landlord became seriously alarmed, and had a doctor, who boarded in his house, at once called in. The doctor, when he had felt his pulse and ribs for some time, said the case was a little doubtful, but he had skill enough to mend it. Indeed, to tell the truth, it only required a plaster or two, and a purgative, to restore him to perfect health.

When the major had gained the use of his tongue, however, he declared he had at least seven broken ribs, and he knew not how many cracks in his skull, for it felt like a fractured cocoanut.

And while the doctor was administering his balms to the patient, the Georgian was endeavoring to pacify his wife, who, with the aid of hartshorn and sundry other restoratives, was in a fair way of recovery. General Benthornham, in the meantime, continued to pace the room, so much absorbed in his endeavor to preserve the peace of the house, as to be unconscious of the figure he was cutting.

"And now, gentlemen," said the general, in a foggy voice, "as the lady has received no damage, either to her reputation or person, and you are both gentlemen, I think the little affair can be reconciled, if the major will but explain the mistake with as much delicacy as he is capable of."

"Indeed," replied the major, "I am sure the gentleman will be satisfied that I meant no wrong to his lady, who I thought had got into my room instead of my getting into her's, by mistake as it turns out, when I tell him how it happened. The people where I was raised know me for a peaceable man; and now that I have become a politician, it behooves me to take care of what little character I have, which is not the case with all of them. And G.o.d knows I treated the lady with courtesy; for, rather than prove unfaithful to my wife Polly, I bid her take herself away." The major said this in such a tone of humility, that although it left the matter more confounded in the Georgian's mind, it so affected his feelings that he began to regret having dealt so severely with him, and earnestly desired to know the origin of the affair, which the major at once related with great simplicity of manner, and finally, laid all the blame to the strength of the liquor he had indulged in during the evening. General Benthornham had, in the meantime, taken a seat where the bright glare of the gas shone full upon his face, and as the major proceeded with his narrative, would every now and then interpose an approving, "See that now!"

When the major had finished his story, the lady was affected to tears, and besought her husband to make the gentleman such amends as the case demanded. But, indeed, that was unnecessary, for the Georgian had become so affected that he would have gone upon his knees and offered the major any apology he might in reason demand.

But the lady sprang to her feet, and saying she would dress the injured man's wounds with her own hands, proceeded to her beaureau and with her cologne bottle and sponge set about bathing his temples, and performing such other little kindnesses as pleased the major wonderfully, and made him declare he believed it the fate of every truly great public man to suffer in this way. In truth, he was not so sure that we appreciated it to the extent of its value, for it disciplined a man and prepared his mind for meeting the great things that were required of it in this world. "I have no fears of my reputation, madam," he concluded, "but being the guest of the city, I fear if my enemies see the bruised condition of my head, they will say I have had a difficulty with an alderman." While they were each trying to emulate the other in consoling the major in his distress, the lady, who had just then discovered the singular plight General Benthornham was in, caught sight of his bare extremities, which so affected her that she shrieked, and swooned in the arms of her husband.

CHAPTER x.x.xV.

WHICH RELATES THE VERY UNMILITARY PREDICAMENT THE MAJOR WAS FOUND IN ON THE FOLLOWING MORNING, WHEN HIS PRESENCE WAS EXPECTED AT THE REVIEW.

GENERAL BENTHORNHAM was every inch a gentleman, and though he had what the vulgar call a very ugly conk nose, the ladies held him in high favor, and doubtless had never seen him except in full uniform, when he appeared to excellent advantage, for the point of his hat aided to detract from the immensity of his nose. As soon, therefore, as he saw the lady faint, and was made conscious of the cause, he took to his heels, and scampered out of sight with the nimbleness of a boy of fifteen, muttering apologies as he went, and saying to himself, "Isn't this a pretty pickle for a military man of my age to be in?" The Georgian was nevertheless inclined to treat this second fainting effort of his wife with no great degree of sympathy, and without further ceremony told her, while almost suffocating her with hartshorn, not to make such a fool of herself, for it was the devil who put bad thoughts into the heads of virtuous women. As to the general, he was an old man, and had nothing about him a female of good morals need fear. This suddenly brought her to her senses, when she indulged in a few of those epithets females, however delicate, will use when resolved to show their lords the length they may go in a.s.serting a priority of rights. In truth she threatened to pluck out all her hair, which would have been a performance much to be regretted, seeing that it floated over her shoulders like tresses of silk, and was so luxuriant that a Delhian maid might have envied it.

She also cursed the hour she took him for her husband, saying his night revels would be the death of her, and continuing in a strain of execrations and wailings, (wis.h.i.+ng herself back with her mother an hundred times, and declaring her's the most wretched of lives,) until he swore she gave him no peace of his life.

The Georgian raised not his voice in anger again; but took the major affectionately by the arm, and, moved by compa.s.sion, a.s.sisted him to General Benthornham's room, where he strove to comfort him as best he could; and as the night was excessively hot, they quenched their thirst with a little brandy and water, over which they again condoled one another for their misfortunes, and became the very best of friends. The general then begged the Georgian to say to his lady that he intended no affront and that his appearing before her in his s.h.i.+rt was entirely owing to his presence of mind having forsaken him. Bidding them good night, the Georgian promised to convey this apology to his lady, and took his departure, as the two military heroes went quietly to bed.

General Benthornham's was a double bedded room, and when morning came, and the numerous pet birds in the house were tuning their notes, and stray members of the seventh regiment, in their das.h.i.+ng uniforms, might be seen pa.s.sing down Broadway to their armory, anxious lest some rival corps rob them of their laurels, and as proud of their feathers as the whistling canaries, the general and his guest still slept, but in such a position, and with such loud snoring, that had a stranger entered the room he would have sworn they had gone to bed prepared for battle, expecting at day light, (the time most fas.h.i.+onable for duel fighting,) to open fire and seriously damage each other's most dependable parts. Verily, reader, do not make me the object of your invective, when I say that it is extremely doubtful if the public at large, to which I am ready at all times to pay homage, ever saw a general officer in his native buff. And this I hold to be the reason why it is so p.r.o.ne to overrate the mightiness of some of those warriors who dash up Broadway on parade days, decked out in such a profuseness of feathers. Indeed it has come to my knowledge that the greatest of generals, when presented with that natural uniform in which their worthy mothers gave them to the world, are in no one particular unlike other men, and in truth that it is the splendid uniform that invests them with an appearance of great possessions and power, before which even great poets and scholars are ready to cast their offerings. Taking this view of the case, then, I pray you to give ear while I relate how the general and the major were seen in a position which I venture to a.s.sert few truly great military men were ever seen in, either during war or peace.

The beds in General Benthornham's room stood parallel with each other, a narrow pa.s.sage extending between. And, as I have before stated that the weather was excessively warm, when the aid de camp, a profusely feathered foreign gentleman, entered for the orders of his chief, he found both heroes naked to the buff, with the broad disc of their most dependable parts forming confronting batteries, and their bodies making the letter C, very like snails after a shower of rain. On the opposite sides were little tables, upon which stood, within reach, bottles of congress water, decanters in which the liquor had well nigh got to the bottom, and tumblers containing the dregs of two very suggestive drinks called c.o.c.ktails, all provided at an early hour by a shrewd and very considerate waiter.

The aid was not a little abashed when he discovered the condition his chief was in, and declared, in very good French, not a word of which Benthornham could have understood had he been awake, that although he had been aid to Garibaldi when he held possession of Rome, and had served in numerous battles where he had to run for his life, he never had seen general officers cut such figures, which he would not have the brigade see for the world. Indeed, he thought within himself that the sight was enough to have shocked either the seventh or seventy-first regiments, both of which corps were composed of young men of modesty and great respectability. The aid touched his hat out of sheer respect to his sleeping superior, and indeed saluted him according to the regulations of the service. But as neither the general nor the major paid the slightest heed to these courtesies and the aid was a man much given to paying all deference to his superiors, he, without disturbing the general in the least, drew up the sheet and laid it gently over him, as a means of protecting his dignity from further damage. He also performed a similar service for the major, who was snoring at a pace that can be better imagined than described.

When the aid had performed the little services above described, he paced the room for several minutes, undecided as to the next course he should pursue. He had fully expected to find his superior officer in a different uniform, and ready to issue his orders as became a man of so much circ.u.mstance. As to the city's guest, he expected to find him at least a respectable gentleman, and one who would take some care of his person. He at length thought it advisable to give the general a few gentle shakes, in the hope of restoring him to consciousness; but, so sound was his sleep, that it became neces- sary to use violence before even a perceptible motion was produced.

After considerable effort, however, he turned upon his face with a loud guffaw, and then upon his back. In fine, he put himself in various strange att.i.tudes, puffed like a porpoise in an head sea, and began swearing as never general swore before, that the wretch who disturbed him of his slumbers should suffer for it at court martial.

As the time for forming the brigade was near at hand, the aid very naturally became more and more anxious. "Pardon me this liberty, your honor," said he, addressing his superior, who was rubbing a pair of swollen and very red eyes, "but the regiments are waiting orders, and as the hour is late, the officers will be in much suspense until they are issued."