Mr. Punch with The Children Part 6

PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE.--_Son and heir_ (_whose inquiring turn of mind is occasionally a nuisance_). Say, 'pa, what's a v'cab'lary?

_Father._ A vocabulary, my boy--what d'you want to know that for?

_Son._ 'Cause I heard 'ma say she'd no idea what a tremenjous v'cab'lary you'd got, till you missed the train on Sat.u.r.day!

AT THE SUNDAY SCHOOL--_Teacher._ Now, Mary Brown, you understand what is meant by baptism?

_Mary Brown._ Oh, _I_ know, teacher! It's what Dr. Franklin did on baby's arm last Toosday!

[Ill.u.s.tration: A LITTLE CHRISTMAS DREAM.--Mr. L. Figuier, in the thesis which precedes his interesting work on the world before the flood, condemns the practice of awakening the youthful mind to admiration by means of fables and fairy tales, and recommends, in lieu thereof, the study of the natural history of the world in which we live. Fired by this advice, we have tried the experiment on our eldest, an imaginative boy of six. We have cut off his "Cinderella" and his "Puss in Boots,"

and introduced him to some of the more peaceful fauna of the preadamite world, as they appear restored in Mr. Figuier's book. The poor boy has not had a decent night's rest ever since!]

YOUNG, BUT PRACTICAL.--"What! Harry! not in bed yet, and it's nine o'clock! What will _papa_ say when he comes home?"

"Oh, papa! _He'll_ say, 'Supper! supper! What's for supper?'"

A REALIST IN FICTION.--"I saw a rabbit run through that hedge!"

"No, dear. It was imagination!"

"Are 'maginations white behind?"

IMPROVING THE s.h.i.+NING HOUR.--_The new Governess._ What are the comparative and superlative of _bad_, Berty?

_Berty_ (_the Doctor's son_). Bad--worse--dead.

A CAPITAL CHOICE.--_Cousin Amy._ So you haven't made up your mind yet what _profession_ you're going to be when you grow up, Bobby.

_Bobby._ Well, yes! I don't exactly know what it's called, you know, but it's living in the country, and keeping lots of horses and dogs, and all that!

[_Bobby's papa is a curate, with 200 a year._

[Ill.u.s.tration: EARLY INGENUITY.

"Whatever _are_ you children doing?"

"Oh, we've found pa's false teeth, and we're trying to fit them on to the baby, 'cos he hasn't got any!"]

THE SICK CHILD

BY THE HONOURABLE WILHELMINA SKEGGS

A weakness seizes on my mind--I would more pudding take; But all in vain--I feel--I feel--my little head will ache.

Oh! that I might alone be left, to rest where now I am, And finish with a piece of bread that pot of currant-jam.

I gaze upon the cake with tears, and wildly I deplore That I must take a powder if I touch a morsel more, Or oil of castor, smoothly bland, will offer'd be to me, In wave pellucid, floating on a cup of milkless tea.

It may be so--I cannot tell--I yet may do without; They need not know, when left alone, what I have been about.

I long to cut that potted beef--to taste that apple-pie; I long--I long to eat some more, but have not strength to try.

I gasp for breath, and now I know I've eaten far too much; Not one more crumb of all the feast before me can I touch!

Susan, oh! Susan ring the bell, and call for mother, dear.

My brain swims round--I feel it all--mother, your child is queer!

_Alix_ (_aged five, to parent who has been trying to inspire her with loyal sentiments_). And was the Queen weally named after me?

[Ill.u.s.tration: A Toothsome Morsel.--

_Distracted Nurse._ "Gracious, children, what _are_ you doing?"

_Children._ "Oh, we've put the meat cover on grandpa's head to keep the flies off him!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Drat the boy! What have you got that string tied on that fowl's leg for?"

"'Tain't our fowl, muvver!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Snooks_ (_who fancies himself very much_). "What's she crying for?"

_Arabella._ "It's all right, sir. She was frightened. When she saw _you_ she thought it was a _man_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BLASe

_Kitty_ (_reading a fairy tale_). "'Once upon a time there was a frog----'"

_Mabel_ (_interrupting_). "I bet it's a princess! Go on!"]