The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts Part 4

_Peggy_. Gladys was her name, I believe. How did she act when you told her that you loved me best? A cold, proud beauty, ready to die before she'd let you know she cared! And isn't that exactly what your audience is looking for? Exactly their idea of a princess of plutocracy! And still you waste your time with a sister! Who the deuce cares anything about a sister?

_Will_. Look here, Peggy. You'd better write this play!

_Peggy_. I've been thinking about it, ever since you first told me the idea. Draw up your chair, and let me show you what I mean. (_The Play-play begins to appear_.) There's Bob and Jessie, the same as before; but also there's Gladys. I want a quite different atmosphere from what you had. It's afternoon, and Gladys is serving tea, and she handles the situation in tea-party fas.h.i.+on. Give me some paper and let me sketch the dialogue. (_She begins to write rapidly. Full light on the Play-play. Will makes secret exit_.)

_Gladys_. I'm waiting with a good deal of interest.

_Bob_. For what?

_Gladys_. I'm wondering how long it will be before it occurs to Jack to ask what _I_ think of this plan of his.

_Jessie_. I hope you'll make him give it up, Gladys!

_Gladys_. Your suggestion is out of date, dear. The modern young man doesn't give up his ideas at the request of his fiancee.

_Jessie_. Tell him what you think, at least!

_Gladys_. You don't take sugar, Bob? Don't you see that he hasn't been interested in what I think? He has acquired some new interests.

He's going to learn about the _reality_ of life!

_Jack (enters, in afternoon coat)_. Gladys, that's not fair!

_Gladys_. Will you have tea, Jack?

_Jack_. You know I'm up against it.

_Gladys_. One lump or two, Jack?

_Jack_. I got into a sc.r.a.pe at college--

_Gladys_. Too strong for you, Jack? No, don't make these pretences with me. You can get rid of me without going hoboing.

_Jessie_. How can you talk so?

_Gladys_. Such an ingenious compliment! In order to avoid having to see or hear from his fiancee for six months, he is willing to go and stay among the dirtiest and most disgusting people!

_Jack_. You are angry with me!

_Bob_. You ought to realize, Gladys--this will be the making of Jack.

_Gladys_. Suppose it will be the making of something I don't want?

Suppose I'd prefer him as he is?

_Bob_. You don't care for him to know about life?

_Gladys_. I don't care for him to know about low life. I don't see at all why he can't be content with the life of ladies and gentlemen.

_Jack_. I thought you'd be proud to have me interested in deeper things.

_Gladys_. Jack, you are young and care-free. It made me happy just to see you--you were the very spirit of youth! But now you will grow serious, you will be pale, and have a frown upon your forehead. You will be eternally preaching, like Bob, here--and you will bore me to death!

_Jack_. You are making fun of me!

_Gladys_. I am perfectly serious, I a.s.sure you. My romance is dead!

_Jack_. You don't mean--

_Gladys_. I mean Jack, that I have lost you!

_Jack (tries to catch her hand)_. You shan't say such a thing!

_Gladys_. Jack, such violent motions are dangerous at tea-parties.

You might ruin my costume!

_Jack_. If you feel like that, I won't go at all!

_Bob_. Oho! Already!

_Gladys_. Go on with your adventure, Jack. And don't try to make a tragedy out of our parting--you know how I hate scenes. It would be impossible for me to love a serious man--the mere thought of it terrifies me! Go on! Go on--I absolutely insist!

_Jack (desperately)_. All right then! If that's the way you take it, I'll go! (_rushes off Left._)

_Jessie_. Gladys, I think it's horrid of you to behave like that!

_Gladys_. Not at all, Jessie!

_Jessie_. Do you seriously intend to send him away?

_Gladys_. _Send_ him, Jessie? How do you mean? You can't send these modern young men anywheres. They come and go to suit themselves.

They think they love a woman, and they plead for her love; but then they begin to change their minds--they get bored with her, and think they're bored with all life. So they go off and try something new and romantic--something less tedious than a woman's affections. The reality of life!

_Jessie_. I know Jack loves you!

_Gladys_. Indeed, Jessie? Too bad that Jack doesn't know it--(_sound of gramophone in Real-play Left 1, playing a popular song.

The Play-play fades rapidly_.)

_Will_. Oh, G.o.d!

_Peggy_. Botheration!

_Will_. The fiends! (_leaps up and begins to pace the floor_.) Isn't that enough to drive a man to distraction? To be trying to work, trying to create something--

_Peggy_. Wait, dear. (_Goes and closes door._) Now forget about it.

_Will._ Yes, it's easy to say forget! But pretty soon the devils in the rear will begin with their c.o.o.n-songs--

_Peggy._ Well then, we'll close the window, too.