The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts Part 9

The Play-play begins to appear_.)

_Peggy_ (_reads_). Scene shows a cheap restaurant on Third Avenue.

Piles of shredded wheat and charlotte russe in the windows. Night scene, snow on ground. (_Full light on the Play-play_.)

_Bill_ (_wanders on Right, stops and gazes into window_). Gee, but that's great lookin' shredded wheat!

_Jack_ (_enters Left, dejected-looking, and joins Bill_). You hungry, too, kid?

_Bill._ I could eat the whole hay-stack at one meal. (_Moves along to another part of the window._) Holy smoke, if they'd turn me loose in them charlotte-russes!

_Jack._ I wonder how many charlotte russes a man could eat at one meal.

_Bill._ Say, I wisht I was a rich man! I'd go youse a race at 'em!

(_A silence; turns away._) Gee, I can't bear to look at 'em any more!

_Jack_ (_joins him down stage_). When did you eat last?

_Bill._ I had sinkers and coffee this mornin'. What did youse have?

_Jack._ I had a gla.s.s of water in the public library.

_Bill._ Hully gee! And when did youse eat last?

_Jack._ Yesterday morning I had a slice of bread.

_Bill_ (_startled_). Gawd a'mighty! That all?

_Jack._ True as gospel.

_Bill_ (_warming to him_). Why say! Youse _are_ up agin it!

_Jack._ I am, for fair.

_Bill._ What's the matter?

_Jack._ Can't find any work.

_Bill._ Work? T'h.e.l.l with work! Why don't yous slam the gates?

_Jack._ Why don't I _what?_

_Bill._ I mean, why don't youse panhandle it?

_Jack._ I don't understand.

_Bill._ Gee! Where was youse raised--in the hayfields? I mean, why don't youse git up a hard luck story?

_Jack._ Beg?

_Bill._ Sure!

_Jack._ I tried it some, but n.o.body'll listen to me.

_Bill._ Why, youse poor helpless orphan! Somebody ought to take youse in hand and show youse.

_Jack (eagerly)._ Do you suppose you could do it?

_Bill._ Sure I could--teach youse in an hour or two!

_Jack (hesitatingly)._ But you don't make so very much yourself, do you!

_Bill._ Sure I do--I got lots o' the stuff. Only I got a step-father I have to keep full of booze. He'll be out lookin' for me now, I reckon. _(Looks about sharply)._ Say, youse come back here after a bit. I'll go an' get him spotted, an' then we'll frame up a good hard-luck story, an' we'll get the price of that there hay-stack.

You get me, old pal?

_Jack._ Yes, I get you--only I'll freeze in the meantime.

_Bill._ Youse keep movin'. Hustle along now!

_Jack._ All right. _(Goes off Left stamping his feet, blowing his fingers.)_

_Bill._ Youse come back now! Don't fergit! _(Stands looking after Jack.)_ Gee! I like that guy!

_Peggy._ Will! _(Faint light on the Real-play.)_

_Will. (Off.)_ What is it?

_Peggy._ You're sending him off! But where's the heart interest?

_Will._ It's coming right now!

_Peggy._ What's it to be?

_Will (appears Left with dishes in arms)._ Why, dearest, there's only one thing it could be!

_Peggy._ What is that?

_Will._ You know I have only one heart-interest!

_Peggy (looks at him, then rises and steps to him, with Mss. in her hand)._ You dear, sweet boy?

_Will (steps back out of sight)._ Look out for my dishes! _(as Peggy follows off, sounds of kisses heard)_ My heart-interest! My dear, blessed heart-interest! My only heart-interest in the world! _(Full light rises slowly on the Play-play. The door of restaurant opens, and Peggy appears in the entrance, as Belle, with a waitress's costume. She stands gazing out, as if getting breath of fresh air, being ill. Then she draws back and closes the door.)_

_Jack (enters Left)._ Gee, I never thought it would be as bad as this! _(goes to window of restaurant)_ I've got to get something to eat--there's no use talking about it! I don't believe that kid is coming back! I don't believe he could help me, anyway! _(wanders back and forth again, goes to door, hesitates)_ I want something to _eat!_ I don't care what happens, I can't stand it! _(enters door of restaurant)._

_Bill (pokes head in from fire-escape)._ Say, Peggy! (_Play-play fades._)

_Peggy (appears in doorway, Left, having Mss. in her hand)._ Oh, Bill! You startled me so!

_Bill._ What's the matter?