Fanny and the Servant Problem Part 17

[By this time she has kissed or shaken hands with the whole dozen.]

I can't introduce you all singly; it would take too long. [She makes a wholesale affair of it.] My aunts, the Misses Wetherell--Dr.

Freemantle.

The Misses Wetherell, suggesting two mice being introduced to a party of friendly kittens, standing, clinging to one another, murmur something inaudible.

DR. FREEMANTLE [who is with them to comfort them--he has got rid of the time-table, discreetly--smiles]. Delighted.

ENGLAND. Charmed. [The others join in, turning it into a chorus.

To f.a.n.n.y] Glad we didn't strike one of your busy days. I say, you're not as dressy as you used to be. 'Ow are they doing you?--all right?

f.a.n.n.y. Yes. Oh, yes.

CANADA ["Gerty," a big, handsome girl, with a loud, commanding voice]. George gave me your message.

f.a.n.n.y [puzzled at first]. My message? [Remembering--laughs.] Oh.

That I was Lady Bantock of Bantock Hall. Yes. I thought you'd be pleased.

CANADA. Was delighted, dear.

f.a.n.n.y. So glad.

CANADA. I'd always had the idea that you were going to make a mess of your marriage.

f.a.n.n.y. What a funny idea! [But the laugh that accompanies it is not a merry one.]

CANADA. Wasn't it? So glad I was wrong.

WALES. We're all of us looking out for lords in disguise, now.

Can't you give us a tip, dear, how to tell 'em?

SCOTLAND. Sukey has broken it off with her boy. Found he was mixed up in trade.

STRAITS SETTLEMENTS [as before, unseen at back of crowd]. No. I didn't. 'Twas his moral character.

Then enter Honoria with gla.s.ses on a tray; Ernest with champagne; Jane with eatables; Bennet with a napkin. It is a grim procession.

The girls are scattered, laughing, talking: Africa to the Misses Wetherell; a couple to Dr. Freemantle. England, Scotland, Wales, and Canada are with f.a.n.n.y. The hubbub, with the advent of the refreshments, increases. There is a general movement towards the refreshments.

f.a.n.n.y. Thanks, Bennet. You can clear away a corner of the desk.

ENGLAND [aside to her]. Go easy with it, dear. [f.a.n.n.y, smiling, nods. She directs operations in a low tone to the Bennets, who take her orders in grim silence and with lips tight shut.] Don't forget, girls, that we've got to get back to-night. [Aside to the Doctor, who has come forward to help.] Some of 'em, you know, ain't used to it.

DR. FREEMANTLE [nods]. Gla.s.ses not TOO full. [He whispers to f.a.n.n.y.]

IRELAND [a decided young woman]. How much time have we got?

ENGLAND. Don't ask me. It's Judy's show.

WALES [mimicking Newte]. The return train, ladies, leaves Oakham station. [Stops--she is facing the clock. She begins to laugh.]

ENGLAND. What's the matter?

WALES [still laughing]. We've got just quarter of an hour to catch it.

There is a wild rush for the refreshments. Jane is swept off her feet. Bennet's tray is upset.

ENGLAND. Quarter--! Oh, my Gawd! Here, tuck up your skirts, girls.

We'll have to -

DR. FREEMANTLE. It's all right. You've got plenty of time, ladies.

There's a train from Norton on the branch line at 5.33. Gets you into London at a quarter to nine.

ENGLAND. You're SURE?

DR. FREEMANTLE [he has his watch in his hand]. Quite sure. The station is only half a mile away.

ENGLAND. Don't let's miss it. Keep your watch in your 'and, there's a dear.

f.a.n.n.y [her business is--and has been--to move quietly through the throng, making the girls welcome, talking, laughing with them, directing the servants--all in a lady's way. On the whole she does it remarkably well. She is offering a plate of fruit to Judy].

You're a nice acting manager, you are. [Judy laughs. f.a.n.n.y finds herself in front of Ireland. She turns to England.] Won't you introduce us?

ENGLAND. I beg your pardon, dear. Of course, you don't know each other. Miss Tetsworth, our new Ireland, Lady Bantock. It is "Bantock," isn't it, dear?

f.a.n.n.y. Quite right. It's a good little part, isn't it?

IRELAND. Well, depends upon what you've been used to.

ENGLAND. She's got talent, as I tell 'er. But she ain't you, dear.

It's no good saying she is.

f.a.n.n.y [hastening to smooth it over]. People always speak so well of us after we're gone. [Laughs.] You'll take another gla.s.s of champagne.

IRELAND. Thank you--you made a great success, they tell me, in the part.

f.a.n.n.y. Oh, there's a deal of fluke about these things. You see, I had the advantage -

DR. FREEMANTLE [with watch still in his hand]. I THINK, ladies -

ENGLAND. Come on, girls.

A general movement.

f.a.n.n.y. You must all come again--spend a whole day--some Sunday.

CANADA. Remember me to Vernon.

f.a.n.n.y. He'll be so sorry to have -

ENGLAND [cutting in]. 'Ope we 'aven't upset you, dear. [She is bustling them all up.]