Mr. Punch Awheel Part 1

Mr. Punch Awheel.

Edited by J. A. Hammerton.

NOTE.

Among the characteristics which are essentially British, is the tendency to receive almost any innovation, be it a new style of dress or a new method of locomotion, with some degree of distrust which shows itself in satirical criticism; to be followed soon after by the acceptance of the accomplished fact and complete approval. In this trait of our national character, as in all others, MR. PUNCH proves himself a true born Britisher. When the bicycle was first coming into popularity, he seemed rather to resent the innovation, and was more ready to see the less attractive side of cycling than its pleasures and its practical advantages. So, too, with the automobile. Only recently has MR. PUNCH shown some tendency to become himself an enthusiast of the whirling wheel.

This diffidence in joining the ranks of the cyclists or the motorists is due entirely to MR. PUNCH'S goodness of heart and his genuine British love of liberty. The cycling scorcher and the motoring road-hog are two abominations which he most naturally holds in the greatest contempt.

Against them he is never tired of directing his most scathing satire; but while this is entirely praiseworthy it tends a little to give a false impression of his att.i.tude towards two of the most delightful sports which modern ingenuity has invented. After all, the scorcher and the road-hog are the least representative followers of the sports which their conduct brings into question, and it is very easy to over-estimate their importance.

For that reason, in the compiling of the present volume the editor has endeavoured to make a selection which will show MR. PUNCH in his real att.i.tude towards motoring and cycling, in which, of course, it is but natural and all to our delight that he should see chiefly their humours, so largely the result of misadventure. But as he has long since ceased to jibe at the lady who cycles or to regard male cyclists as "cads on castors,"--in the phrase of Edmund Yates,--and ceased also to view the motor car as an ingenious device for public slaughter, his adverse views have not in the present volume been unduly emphasised.

MR. PUNCH AWHEEL

ENTERPRISING PRO-MOTOR.

One of our special correspondents started out to try the effect of taking notes from his motor-car whilst proceeding at top-speed. The experiment took place in June; but we have only just received the following account of the result.

"Started away and turned on full head of smell--steam, I mean. Over Southwark Bridge, fizz, kick, bang, rattle! Flew along Old Kent Road; knocked down two policemen on patrol duty ('Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road'); fizzed on through New Cross and Lewisham at awful nerve-destroying, sobbing pace, 'toot toot-ing' horn all the way. No good, apparently, to some people, who would not, or possibly _could_ not, get out of the way. Cannoned milk-cart entering Eltham village, ran into 'bus, but shot off it again, at a tangent, up on to the footpath, frightening old lady into hysterics. Onwards we went, leaping and flying past everything on the road, into open country. Ran over dog and three chickens, and saw tandem horses take fright and bolt; dust flew, people yelled at us and we yelled at people. Came round sharp corner on to donkey standing in road. 'Boosted' him up into the air and saw him fall through roof of outhouse! Whirr-r-up! bang! rattle! fizz-izz--Bust!"

"Where am I?--Oh, in hospital--oh, really?--Seems nice clean sort of place.--How long----? Oh, been here about six weeks--have I, really? And what----? Oh, _both_ arms, you say?--and left leg? Ah--by the way, do you know anyone who wants to buy a motor----? What, no motor left?--By Jove! that's funny, isn't it?--Well, I think I'll go to sleep again now."

_Ethel_ (_with book_). "What's an autocrat, Mabel?"

_Mabel._ "Person who drives an auto-car, of course, silly."

THE BEST LUBRICANT FOR CYCLES.--Castor oil.

Ill.u.s.tration: "Wouldn't yer like ter 'ave one o' them things, Liza Ann?"

"No. I wouldn't be seen on one. I don't think they're nice for lidies!"

MOTOR QUESTIONS

What rushes through the crowded street With whirring noise and throbbing beat, Exhaling odours far from sweet?

The motor-car.

Whose wheels o'er greasy asphalte skim, Exacting toll of life and limb, (What is a corpse or so to _him_)?

The motorist's.

Who flies before the oily gust Wafted his way through whirling dust, And hopes the beastly thing will bust?

The pedestrian.

Who thinks that it is scarcely fair To have to pay for road repair While sudden death lies lurking there?

The ratepayer.

Who as the car goes whizzing past At such law-breaking stands aghast, (For forty miles an hour _is_ fast)?

The policeman.

Who hears the case with bland surprise, And over human frailty sighs, The while he reads between the lies?

The magistrate.

Ill.u.s.tration: FICKLE FORTUNE

"And only yesterday I was fined five pounds for driving at excessive speed!"

Ill.u.s.tration: IN DORSETs.h.i.+RE

_Fair Cyclist._ "Is this the way to Wareham, please?"

_Native._ "Yes, miss, yew seem to me to ha' got 'em on all right!"

SO UNSELFIs.h.!.+--"Oh yes, I gave my husband a motor-car on his birthday."

"But I thought he didn't like motor-cars!"

"He doesn't. But I _do_!"

_Q._ Why is the lady bikist of an amorous disposition?

_A._ Because she is a sigh-cling creature.

Ill.u.s.tration: CROWDED OUT.--_Stage-struck Coster_ (_to his dark-coloured donkey_). "Oth.e.l.lo, Oth.e.l.lo, _your_ occupation 'll soon be gone!"

HINTS FOR BIKING BEGINNERS