Mr. Punch Awheel Part 17

MAXIM FOR CYCLISTS.--"_Try_-cycle before you _Buy_-cycle."

Ill.u.s.tration: Motorist (a novice) has been giving chairman of local urban council a practical demonstration of the ease with which a motor-car can be controlled when travelling at a high speed.

Ill.u.s.tration: LOVE'S ENDURANCE

_Miss Dolly_ (_to her fiance_). "Oh, Jack, this _is_ delightful! If you'll only keep up the pace, I'm sure I shall soon gain confidence!"

[_Poor Jack has already run a mile or more, and is very short of condition._

Ill.u.s.tration: TU QUOQUE.--_Cyclist_ (_a beginner who has just collided with freshly-painted fence_). "Confound your filthy paint! Now, just look at my coat!" _Painter._ "'Ang yer bloomin' coat! _'Ow about my paint?_"

Ill.u.s.tration: NOTE TO THE SUPERSt.i.tIOUS

It is considered lucky for a black cat to cross your path.

Ill.u.s.tration: WAITING FOR

_A Study of Rural_

"W'y, I remembers the time w'en I'd 'ave stopped _that_ for furious drivin', an' I reckon it's only goin' about a paltry fifteen mile an hour!"

Ill.u.s.tration: BIGGER GAME

_Police Methods_

"_Ar!_ Now them cyclists is puttin' on a fairish pace!

Summat about twenty mile an hour, I s'pose. But 'tain't no business o'

mine. _I'm_ 'ere to stop _motor-caws_. Wot ho!"

LOVE IN A CAR

["I have personal knowledge of marriages resulting from motor-car courts.h.i.+ps."--The HON. C. S. ROLLS.--_Daily Express._]

When Reginald asked me to drive in his car I knew what it meant for us both, For peril to love-making offers no bar, But fosters the plighting of troth.

To the tender occasion I hastened to rise, So bought a new frock on the strength of it, Some china-blue chiffon--to go with my eyes-- And wrapped up my head with a length of it.

"Get in," said my lover, "as quick as you can!"

He wore a black smear on his face, And held out the hand of a rough artisan To pilot me into my place.

Like the engine my frock somehow seemed to mis-fire, For Reginald's manner was querulous, But after some fuss with the near hind-wheel tyre We were off at a pace that was perilous.

"There's Brown just behind, on his second-hand brute, He thinks it can move, silly a.s.s!"

Said Reggie with venom, "Ha! Ha! let him hoot, I'll give him some trouble to pa.s.s."

My service thenceforth was by Reggie confined (He showed small compunction in suing it) To turning to see how far Brown was behind, But not to let Brown see me doing it.

Brown pa.s.sed us. We dined off his dust for a league-- It really was very poor fun-- Till, our car showed symptoms of heat and fatigue, Reggie had to admit he was done.

To my soft consolation scant heed did he pay, But with taps was continually juggling, And his words, "Will you keep your dress further away?"

Put a stop to this incipient smuggling.

"He'd never have pa.s.sed me alone," Reggie sighed, "The car's extra heavy with you."

"Why ask me to come?" I remarked. He replied, "I thought she'd go better with two."

When I touched other topics, forbearingly meek, From his goggles the lightnings came scattering, "What chance do you give me of placing this squeak,"

He hissed, "when you keep up that chattering?"

At that, I insisted on being set down And returning to London by train, And I vowed fifty times on my way back to town That I never would see him again.

Next week he appeared and implored me to wed, With a fondly adoring humility.

"The car stands between us," I rigidly said.

"I've sold it!" he cried with agility.

His temples were sunken, enfeebled his frame, There was white in the curls on his crest; When he spoke of our ride in a whisper of shame I flew to my home on his breast.

By running sedately I'm certain that Love To such pa.s.sion would never have carried us, Which settles the truth of the legend above-- It was really the motor-car married us.

Ill.u.s.tration: _Miller_ (_looking after cyclist, who has a slight touch of motor mania_). "Well, to be sure! There do be some main ignorant chaps out o' London. 'E comes 'ere askin' me 'ow many 'orse power the old mill ad got."

Ill.u.s.tration:

_Cyclist_ (_whose tyre has become deflated_). "Have you such a thing as a pump?"

_Yokel._ "'Ees, miss, there's one i' the yard."

_Cyclist._ "I should be much obliged if you would let me use it."

_Yokel._ "That depends 'ow much you want. Watter be main scarce wi' us this year! Oi'll ask feyther."

Ill.u.s.tration: _Smart Girl_ (_to keen motorist_). "My sister has bought a beautiful motor-car." _Keen Motorist._ "Really! What kind?" _Smart Girl._ "Oh, a lovely sage green, to go with her frocks."

Ill.u.s.tration: _Mrs. Binks_ (_who has lost control of her machine_).