Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 14

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank G.o.d you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down...

Men Vs. Women.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing b.u.m.

If she has a boring repet.i.tive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repet.i.tive job with low pay, you should get off your a.s.s and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's s.e.xual hara.s.sment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

If you thump her, it's wife bas.h.i.+ng. If she thumps you, it's self-defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're s.e.xist. If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN...THEY WANT TO!!!

Musharraf Jokes.

Musharraf wanted to raise money for his country and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was far too high and he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had the donkey he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper headlined : MUSHARRAF'S a.s.s SHOWS.

Mian Sahib was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The paper read : MUSHARRAF'S a.s.s OUT IN FRONT.

His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered Mian Musharraf not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read : WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARRAF'S a.s.s This was too much for wife. So she ordered Musharraf to get rid of the donkey. Mian Sahib decided to give it to Ben.a.z.ir.

The paper headline the next day read : BEn.a.z.iR TAKES MUSHARRAF'S a.s.s.

Followed by another on the next day : NOW BEn.a.z.iR HAS BEST a.s.s IN TOWN.

All the opposition leaders got very upset at this kind of publicity. They informed Ben.a.z.ir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500.

Next day the headline read : BEn.a.z.iR SELLS HER a.s.s FOR Rs. 500 This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan, so he ordered Ben.a.z.ir to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains. where it could run wild and free.

Next day, the headline in the paper read : BEn.a.z.iR ANNOUNCES HER a.s.s IS WILD AND FREE.

The Nawabzada died on reading this and was buried the next day and Pakistan got rid of the biggest a.s.s it had produced in the bargain.

Equal Opportunity Employer.

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

Stupid Questions Great Answers.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...

Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia...why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...

Stupid Question:- Is the "b.u.t.ter Paneer Masala" dish good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occa.s.sionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No, he's a miserable wife-beating insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping...you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding...

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.