Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 16

15) Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there girls?

16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the bas.e.m.e.nt?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleas.h.i.+ng a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Bangstars 2002.

Good ones.... enjoy....

THESE ARE HILARIOUS

When I was born, I got a choice- A big d.i.c.k or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose?

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

My wife is a s.e.x object. Every time I ask for s.e.x, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

There are three stages to s.e.x in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having s.e.x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I tried phone s.e.x once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? .

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What's an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!

Teacher: Use "hara.s.sment" in a sentence.

Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her a.s.s meant 'yes'.

Q: What's the difference between a b.i.t.c.h and a wh.o.r.e?

A: A wh.o.r.e sleeps with everyone at the party and a b.i.t.c.h sleeps with everyone except you .

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: b.r.e.a.s.t.s don't have eyes...lol.

Of course you've heard about the v.i.a.g.r.a computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!

Bihari Essay on The Indian Cow.Bihari Essay "Indian Cow".

This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examination. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow: Indian Cow :- HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is gotchild.] He is same like-G.o.d, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his bas.e.m.e.nt. [ horses don't have any such attachment ] What can it do? Various ghee, b.u.t.ter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the gra.s.s. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the otherside.This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives. .h.i.t with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the gra.s.ses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.This is the cow.......We are informed that the candidate pa.s.sed the exam.and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere,..[sorry somewhere in Bihar].

Wierd s.e.x Laws.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have s.e.x with animals, but the animals must be female. Having s.e.xual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense).

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but Is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This Also applies to undertakers. The s.e.x organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??).

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?).

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having s.e.x for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute. Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?).

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!).

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in Tropical fish stores. (But of course!).

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have s.e.x with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought).

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have s.e.x with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pa.s.s this law?).

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines, with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? ... But not as great as Guam!).

Christmas Questions.

Frequently asked questions about Christmas...

Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?

A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.

Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?

A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?

Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?

A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.

Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree?"

A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.

Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?

A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA pa.s.sed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires that the pin must be inspected twice each year for structural defects.

Q: How many gifts can Santa Claus's bag hold?

A: One less than infinity. Why one less? Because there's a limit to everything.

Q: How could a star that is high in the sky lead the Wise Men to a tiny manger on the ground?

A: Wisely, toward the end of their journey they asked directions from someone on the road. Had they not been so wise, they might have missed the manger by several hundred miles. (That person on the road has never been identified.)

Q: Is there really a Mrs. Santa Claus?