Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 28

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unenc.u.mbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Punjab Airways.

Good morning, Laydies and Laydas, >> >> This is your Captain 'James' Santa Singh welcoming >> you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the >> two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather >> and some overtime put in at the runway dhaba.

>> >> >> This is flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to >> Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, >> but >> with luck we may even be landing directly in your >> village.

>> >> Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In >> fact our safety standards are so well known that >> even fully trained terrorists and hijackers are >> afraid to fly with us.

>> >> It is with pleasure I announce that starting this >> year over 90% of our pa.s.sengers have reached >> their destination. For the ones that don't quite >> make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for

>> consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to

>> brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

>> >> If our engines are too noisy for you, on pa.s.senger >> request, we can turn them off for your convenience.

>> To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable,enroute we >> serve complimentary tea and biscuits.

>> >> For our religious pa.s.sengers, we are the only >> airline who can help you quickly find out whether >> G.o.d really exists.

>> >> We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie >> will not be shown as we forgot to record it >> from the television.But we will be flying right next >> to Air India, their movie will be visible >> from the right side cabin windows. These windows >> have been removed for your viewing convenience.

>> For pa.s.sengers with sight problems, we have also put >> a pair of binoculars under your seat.

>> >> As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all >> Punjab Airways flights over Punjab. Any smoke you >> see in the cabin is only the early warning system >> on the engines telling us to slow down.

>> >> Life jackets are placed under your seats and free >> bathing costumes are made available for the >> aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles, for >> emergency water landings on any of our 5 >> rivers.

>> >> Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright >> position for take off and fasten your belts.

>> For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly >> fasten your own belt to the arm of your >> seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, >> do not hesitate to get in touch with Bubbly Kaur >> for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If >> you do sit there, please do not flush frequently >> because it may result in shortage of water we >> require for your tea.

>> >> I won't be flying with you today because I have to >> attend to my nephew's wedding. But co-pilot >> Kaptan Singh will have wireless access to me in case >> he needs flying instructions from time to >> time.

>> >> >> >> For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, >> our attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to come >> forward and occupy the captain's seat in the c.o.c.kpit >> for 5 minutes each, for an extraordinary view.

>> >> Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab >> Airways. hope u survive and if u do do fly with us >again.

National Anthem's Meaning.

> > Think for a moment.........

> > > > Just a thought for the National Anthem!

> > How well do u know about it?

> > > > I have always wondered who is the "adhinayak"

> > and "bharat bhagya > > vidhata", whose praise we are singing. I thought > > may be G.o.d! Our current National Anthem "Jana Gana Mana"= ; is sung > > throughout the country.

> > > > Did you know the following about our national anthem, > > > Adhinayaka, was written by Rabindranath Tagore in hono= r o f King > George > > V > > > and the Queen of England when they visited India in 1919. To= honor > > > their visit Pundit Motilal Nehru had the five stanzas included, > which > > are in! praise of > > > the King and Queen.(And most of us think it is in the praise= of > our great > > motherland!!!) > > > > In the original Bengali verses only those > > > provinces R> > > > Gujarat,Maratha > > > ..

> > > &g t; >etc. were mentioned. None of the princely stat= es > > > were recognized > > > which > > > > >are integral parts of India now - > > > Kashmir,Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore > > > > >or Kerala. Neither the Indian ocean nor the > > > Arabian Sea were > > > > >included, since they were directly under > > > Portuguese rule at that > > > time.

> > > > > > > > > George V is the > > > > "the bestower of > > > good > > > > >fortu! ne".

> > > > > > > > > > Following is a translation of the five stanzas > > > which glorify the > > > > >King: > > > > > > > > > > 1st stanza (Indian)People wake up remembering > > > your good name and > > > > > ask for your blessings and they sing your > > > glories.

> > > > > > > > > > 2nd stanza Around yo ur throne people of all > > > religions come and > > > > kind words.

> > > > > > > > > > 3rd stanza Praise to the King for being the > > > charioteer, for > > > > > leading the ancient travelers beyond misery.

> > > > > > > > > > 4th stanza Drowned i! n the deep ignorance and > > > suffering, poverty > > > > > stricken, unconscious country? waiting for the > > > wink of your eye > > > and > > > > >your > > > > > mother's (the Queen's) true protection. !

> > > > > > > > > > 5th stanza In your compa.s.sionate plans, the > > > sleeping Bharat > > > > > (India) will wake up. We bow down to your feet > > > O' Queen, and glory > > > > >to Rajeshwara > > > > > (the King).

> > > > > > > > > > This whole poem does not indicate any love for > > > the Motherland but > > > > Mana Adhina! yaka, > > > whom > > > > >are you glorifying?

> > > > > Certainly not the Motherland. Is it G.o.d?

> > > > > The poem does not indicate that.

> > > > > > > > > > It is time now to understand the original > > > purpose and the R> > > > has been done > > > > >the past fifty years.

> > > > > Nehru chose the present national anthem as > > > opposed to Vande > > > Mataram > > > > >because ! he > > > > play. It was an !

> > > > >absurd reason but > > > > > Today for that matter bands have advanced and > > > they can very well > > > play > > > > >any music. So > > > > far better > > > > >composition in praise > > > > > of our dear Motherland -India.

> > > > > > > > > > Wake up, it's high time! Vande Mataram should!

> > > be our National > > > > > Anthem.

> > > > > > > > > > Forward and spread this truth to as many as > > > people you can.

> > > > > > > > > > Don't forget to do it......

Crazy Yeti.

An English explorer was taking part in an expedition to the Himalayas. Led by a grizzled local guide, they ascended one of the less frequently climbed peaks. Roughly half way up the side of the mountain, one of the expedition came across a set of large manlike tracks in the snow.

"Yeti tracks," the guide said with a gruff voice as he pa.s.sed them. "One thing you must know before we proceed; do not, under any circ.u.mstances, touch the yeti."

The expedition heeded his warning and continued to climb the slope, night fell and the explorers set up their tents. In the dead of night the Englishman awoke to the sound of his tent entrance unzipping. Half asleep he looked up to see an enormous eight foot yeti standing above him. In fear for his life the explorer jumped up and ran out of the tent, banging into the yeti in the process. The yeti, after being touched by the explorer let out a deafening howl and began to chase the explorer down the slope.

The explorer ran away from the camp as quickly as his legs could take him, after he rounded a corner he looked behind him to see the bounding form of the yeti still chasing him.

So the explorer continued to run, reaching the bottom of the mountain in just two days, exhausted he paused to rest awhile. After just a few moments, the explorer began to hear the soft 'thud thud thud' of yeti feet on snow, he looked up the slope to see the yeti still chasing him and only moments away.

The explorer took off again, reaching a supply shack a couple of miles away, once there quickly buying a mountain bike and pedaling his way to the nearest town, some fifty miles away. The journey took him several days over the rough terrain and after his arrival he booked into a hotel to recuperate.

Two days later the man left his hotel to see about booking transport back to England. As soon as he turned around though he saw the form of the yeti on the horizon, bounding towards him at great speed. Mortified by this sight, the explorer hurriedly bought a car and drove it away from the village all the way to Delhi. Once he arrived, the man wasted no time in getting on the next plane to London.

After his arrival back in London, the man went back to his London home for a while to recover and to plan his next expedition. He had been there less than two weeks and was gazing out of a window when he saw a familiar large bounding, manlike creature running down his street; the man couldn't believe it, somehow the yeti had followed him to England!

The man had little choice but to run away again, he used any means he could, bike, car, or on foot to try to escape the yeti, but each time he looked behind him, it was just moments before the yeti came into view.

Eventually the man made it all the way to Edinburgh and from there ran into the open Scottish countryside. He continued to run but the yeti just kept getting closer and closer, and in the end the man could run no more.

With the yeti less than a minute away from him, the man finally stopped and turned around to face the oncoming creature. With the last of his strength he stood up straight as the yeti caught up with him. The eight foot tall yeti towered above the man who could only stare in terror. The yeti extended his hand and poked the Englishman squarely in the chest with one long finger and with a low rumbling voice the yeti began to speak:

"Tag! You're it!"

Jokes2.

BOY : May I hold your hand > GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

> > > GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away?

> BOY : Were you away?

> > > GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?

> BOY : What time was it?

> > > GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

> BOY : You love me...

> > > GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring?

> BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?

> > GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..

> BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

> > > WIFE : Do you remember when you proposed to me I was so overwhelmed, > I couldn't speak for an hour.

> HUSB : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

> > > 1st MAN : I'm worried about my daughter. She keeps being chased by > the doctor.

> 2ndMAN : Has she tried an apple?

> > GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever > BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?

> > BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

> GIRL : How soon?

> > BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

> GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

> > GIRL1 : Have you ever had a hot pa.s.sionate, burning kiss?