Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 12

TRUE FRIEND TEST.

friend: calls ur parents by mr. and mrs.

BEST friend: calls them by their first name.

friend: has never seen u cry.

BEST friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on.

friend: never asks for n e thing to eat or drink.

BEST friend: opens ur fridge and makes themselves at home.

friend: asks u to write down ur number.

BEST friend: they ask u for thier number (cuz they cant remember it).

friend: borrows ur stuff a few days then give it back.

BEST friend: has a closet full of ur stuff from 2nd grade.

friend: only knows a few things about u.

BEST friend: could write a biography on ur whole life story.

friend: will leave u behind if that's what the crowd is doing and u have to b home.

BEST friend: will ditch the crowd to go to ur house so u could go home.

friend: would delete this letter.

BEST friend: will send this back to me and all their other best friends online.

OK heres ur chance to make a free wis.h.!.+

Scroll down and make a REALISTIC wish.

Then when u see the word STOP!!!!! stop wis.h.i.+ng and send this to all ur BFF'S!!!

Do u Know this...

The Facts of Life: 1. At least 5 people in this world, love you so much they would diefor you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. Without you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique, in your own way.

9. Someone that you don't know even exists,loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.

13. Always remember compliments youreceived,forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feelmuch better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Facts on Figures; There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.

If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.

one out of every four college aged women has a eating disorder.

The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect!

A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fas.h.i.+on magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.

Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today they weigh 23% less.

Beauty of a Woman The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, Because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman Is not in a facial mole, But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, The pa.s.sion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman With pa.s.sing years - only grows.

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing,"on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it corectly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

The Images of Mother. (this is my favorite part) 4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She's hopelessly old-fas.h.i.+oned.

18 YEARS OF AGE ~That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide,let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

55 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun.

They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" they asked him.

"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - skydiving. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him. "I am placed in the door and told when to jump," he said. "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and gra.s.s when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered, "Oh, my dog's leash goes slack."

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane pa.s.ses through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses her nerve. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of love making in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unb.u.t.toning his s.h.i.+rt one b.u.t.ton at a time.

No one moves.