Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 28

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like h.e.l.l....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

From: Deepa Santa Singh lived in England and was very popular with the people in his neighborhood. He was a regular at he local pub, and met up with the locals there and they all had a great time together. But his English friends were a bit disappointed that the Santa Singh didn't make any effort to learn English and communicated in sign language or broken English with them.

One day he announced to them that he was going on vacation to India and would be back in 3 months. His beer drinking buddies decided to offer him an English speaking parrot to take to India with him. They figured that by speaking English with the parrot their friend would end up speaking English.

When Santa Singh came back from vacation and joined his buddies in the bar, they asked him whether the parrot had helped him in any way...

Santa Singh mustered up all the English at his command and said "Velly good! Taste better than tandoori chicken!".

From: Deepa

A sardarji joined a big MNC as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No", replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"

The sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

"No.", replied the Managing Director.

"Good!", replied the sardarji and put down the phone!

One Train which was going peacefully on the rail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The pa.s.sengers were horrified . On the next railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned.

He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc. The Authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many pa.s.sengers in danger!? You should have run over that person.

Sardarji said: Exactly, that is what i also decided ,but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close!

Once a Sardarji went to give an examination, He slowly started removing his s.h.i.+rt, when he was about to do the same with his trousers, the invigilator quickly stopped him & asked "what the h.e.l.l was he trying to do"? The sardarji replied that he was trying to follow the instructions given in the Q paper - which said,"Answer in Brief".

From: Vinod

Two sardarjis, students of IIT were talking about the feats of American astronauts. "If the Americans can go to the moon, we can do better...

someday we will go to the sun!", said one of them.

"But we'll melt even if we come close to several million miles from the sun!", the other said in a concerned voice.

The first student replied,"Yeah, but we'll go in the night!"

Two Sardarjis were looking lost on a railway platform at Delhi. One of them stopped the ticket-checker pa.s.sing by and asked,"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"

The TT replied," No."

The other Sardarji,"Can I?"

From: Sh.e.l.ly

Ram Lakhan Yadav became chess champion, Laloo decided to address a public meeting. Laloo said "ab hamar ram lakhanwa chess champion hoi gawa hai, ab koi majak nahin udayega ki do Bihari Chess khel rahe the. Then one guy asked where is the second Bihari to play with Ram Lakhanwa?

Lalooji said "arey i to hamka bhi nahin yaad aaya. Konho baat nahin Ham sare Bihar me Stadium banayenge or chess compet.i.tion karenge." Ram Lakhan said "Lalooji Chess stadium mein nahi lekin chhote table pe khela jata hai?"

Lalloji shouted " Arey o sasoor ka nati, ome hamka ka milhi?"

From: Vijay Dawda

What do u call a sardar who drinks only beer?

Jus-beer singh!

From: Nithya

Once a sardaji and his sardar friends went to London looking for decent jobs. Since he couldn't get one anywhere, he finally tried the zoo. When he asked for a job, the zookeeeper had only one for him. He said since the lion had been sick for a while, and the kids were missing him, he has to wear the lion's disguise and keep the children amused.

So, one day when his parents co-incidentally happened to be visiting the zoo, sardarji forgot he was a lion in disguise and shouted"satsriyakal". In return came various replies from all other cages "jo bole so nihal!!"

From: Payal

Question: What did one 'burfee' say to another?

Answer: Why are you looking so khoya - khoya!!

From: BHARAT

Question: What do u call a sardarji with only one hair?

Answer: Iqbal Singh!

From: s.h.a.ggy

When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was pleased. But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter.Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Lallo Prasad. She said: "The stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our people are spitting on the wrong side!"

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.

They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.

Then Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombsh.e.l.l - Pakistan has decided to giveup all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab Akai TV - waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free milega, video khareedein to cellphone free milega... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"

Q) What is a surd in an inst.i.tution of higher education called?

A) A visitor.. :( From: Rajput

Did you hear the news about the 747 that crashed in a cemetery in Punjab recently?

The Surd officials have so far retrieved 4000 bodies.

A man goes to see the movie Jura.s.sic Park. When the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat. His friend asks him, 'kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai? Cinema hi to hai'. The man replies, "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai... lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata!"

Once a sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on a station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the pa.s.senger deserved more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard! When the station arrived, the sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife, "

What's the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"

Did you hear about the latest tragedy in Punjab?

There was a terrible power failure in a large shopping mall, people were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours!

A politician returned home after his first visit to England. Pressmen surrounded him and asked him what it was that he had been impressed with most about the English people. "They are a very gifted race," replied the politician. "Even a two year old child can speak English."

Did you hear about the latest Surd invention? It's a solar-powered flashlight.

From: Bunty

A Surd was jumped by two muggers and fought like h.e.l.l, but was finally subdued. His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 paise?" asked one of the muggers increduously.

"Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Surd. "I thought you were after the 400 Rupees in my shoe!"

) How do u confuse a surd??

Ans: Put him in a circular room and ask him to find a corner.

2) How does the sardarji confuse you??

Ans: He tells you he found the corner.

From: Balakrishna Raju A surd wanted to sell his old battered maruti car which had done more than 100,000kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off.The friend advised him to have the speedometer reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.The surd liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The surd replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000kms!"

From: A.K.Saxena ---********---

The chief of all Sardars in the world, Banta Singh was addressing all sardars when everyone demanded that he go and find who was responsible for all the sardarji jokes and put an end to all this. Banta Singh agreed and said it was about time someone did something about it. After several months of research Banta Singh discovered that the person who was writing all the surd jokes was a sardarji called Ghanta Singh. Banta Singh went to Ghanta's house and asked him why he wrote all those jokes about sardars showing them as dumb and that he should stop immediately.

Ghanta said, "Yes, I enjoy writing them and people like hearing them. And I will only stop if you can prove that we sardars are intelligent. Since you are the chief of sardars I will ask you a question. If you answer correctly I will stop writing jokes about sardars. Otherwise you would have proved we sardars deserve it."

Banta Singh agreed. Ghanta asked him, "The question goes like this... I live in my house with two other persons. One is my child who sleeps in one bedroom. In the other bedroom my wife sleeps with the third person. Tell me who is the third person?"

Banta Singh thought for ten minutes and then gave up, "I dont know this was tough!"

Ghanta Singh said, "Stupid! I said I live in my house with two other persons... so the answer is THE THIRD PERSON IS GHANTA SINGH!"