Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 16

HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share!!

HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

SHE:It's hot!!

HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!

SHE: Okay, but would you stay there?

HE: Will you come out with me this Sat.u.r.day?

SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy.Ask me out!

SHE: Okay, get out!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy SHE: How, are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relations.h.i.+p between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I a.s.sure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle," said Joanne. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?".

"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

1. The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club, and two b.a.l.l.s.

2. Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.

3. Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the b.a.l.l.s out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before allowing play to commence.

5. Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length, so as to avoid damage to the course.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible, until the course owner is satisfied.

7. Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by the course owner.

8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arriving at the course. Experienced players will admire the course, paying special attention to the well formed bunkers.

9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

10. Players should not a.s.sume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarra.s.sed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. Most advanced players find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. It is considered outstanding form to play the hole several times in one match.

12. Course owners shall be the judge of who is the best player.

13. It is considered bad form to reveal your score to other players, or even that you have played the course.

14. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

15. Players should a.s.sure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled; particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.

16. Players are advised to obtain course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

17. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the owners request.

There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan, a girl and a old lady sitting in a compartment of a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Everybody is thinking something.

Lets know who is thinking what?

The women and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his face that is red from an apparent slap.

The Pakistani fan is thinking, "Ya Allah, that Indian must have tried to kiss this girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking, "That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the old lady instead and got slapped."

The old lady is thinking, "Wow! what a bold girl, this Pakistani must have tried to kiss her and she slapped him."

The Indian fan was thinking to himself..."If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."

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He met her on a party, she was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her,while he was so normal, n.o.body paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him,she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything,she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home..suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee. Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there. While saying that, tears filled his eyes.

She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out he is homesick, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home..Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown,her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he had tolerance,was kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good person but she almost missed him!

Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he pa.s.sed away, left her a letter which said: My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you----the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you.Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life.If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again.

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?

It's sweet. She replied.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop.

The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc can i ask you a question?'

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic staightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at the engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when i finish this will work just like a new one. So how come i get pittiance and you get the really big money, when you and i are doing basically the same work?'

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... 'Try doing it with the engine running!'

Santa goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts was.h.i.+ng the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?"

To this the man replies," Oye, see the board here --"Wash Basin".

>Do u know what Sardarji will do after taking Xerox? He >will compare it >with? The original for spelling mistakes!

=== > >Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt >sleepy so he gave the >guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to >wake him up when the >station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt >that for 20 rupees, The >sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji >fell asleep, the barber >quietly shaved off his beard. When the station >arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.

>Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly >screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife "

>What's the matter?"

>Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 >rupees and woken up someone else"

=== >Having lost his donkey a Sardarji got down to his >knees and started >thanking G.o.d. A pa.s.serby saw him and asked, Your >donkey is missing Why are you thanking G.o.d for? The >sardarji replied "I am thanking him for seeing to it >that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, >otherwise would have been missing too.

=== > >"Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was >very depressed. "What happened?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, >I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday". "How come?" "Well, >yesterday, the one-day match between India and England >was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India >would win, but I lost the bet." " But that is only >Rs.500, where did the rest go?" " Yaar, I bet on the >highlights too"

=== >An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called >upon to test a Lie detector. Englishman says "I think >I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the >lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the >machine is silent. American says "I think I can eat 15 >hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "All >right, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.

>Sardarji says "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

=== >Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.

>His friends asked him >how he did his exam. For that he replied "Exam was >okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, >thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!"

=== >Santa and Banta got fed up with Dewa Gowda (Indian) >Government and decided to blow up the Parliament. They >put plastic explosives in the Back seat of their two >door maruti and were off to their mission. Santa >"Bantaiaaya! what if bomb went off right now?" Banta >"Don't worry! got a spare bomb in Trunk."

=== >So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes >across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what >he must be thinking? "Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."

=== > >A sardarji father gave the following advice to his son >about to be married. "Puttar (son) if you want things >from your in-laws, be sure to pitch your demand high.