Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 15

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Offer expires December or while supplies last .

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $5.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

See ladies blouses. 50% off!

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to a.s.sist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to a.s.sume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $3.00.

And these beauties from the radio: Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

Be with us again next Sat.u.r.day at 0 p.m. for "High Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refres.h.i.+ng drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

Tune in next week for another series of cla.s.sical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke!

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

California: 1. Community leaders pa.s.sed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

4. [SARASOTA] It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Indiana: 1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple a.s.sault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated a.s.sault."

Ma.s.sachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Does your tongue feels like a 100 knots and your face burns like a fried tomato every time a guy talks to you?

Well, here's the things - a lot of guys like shy girls! It's true. Remember that song -"Chui-mui si lagti ho..."?!So hang on to your chui-mui-ness. You can be shy and still be friends with guys...your way

5 ways to be shy and still talk to guys...

Don't wait ...to get a nod from him. Some guys don't get the hint until they are hit over the head! So just place yourself strategically ...where he can notice you - don't forget to wear your best smile.

Chill. Take a deep breath and tell yourself he's probably as shy or worse. Remember, he's just a guy, not a monster!

Distract yourself if you get an attack of the heebie-jeebies mid-conversation by thinking of him as a girl friend. Who knows - maybe you'll get to feeling comfortable enough to smile and touch his arm!

Ask - about himself . It's one of the easiest ways to break the ice - maybe he'll turn out to be so interesting, you'll forget to sweat and stutter!

Remember, shy flies. Yeah, being laidback is cool. Don't do anything unnatural to impress a guy. If the real you isn't good enough for him, then he isn't good enough for you!

10 reasons why guys say they like shy girls: 1. "They don't need to hog all the attention."

2. "When they talk, it's about something interesting or important."

3. "They make me feel all manly and protective!"

4. "They're not aggressive or come on too strong."

5. "They take guys more seriously."

6. "They're less likely to cheat."

7. "No game-playing."

8. "I don't have to impress or pretend."

9. "They're more of a challenge."

10. "They don't flirt with lots of other guys."

IT IS ALWAYS GUYS WHO ARE ROMANTIC!

AND GIRLS ALWAYS PUT THEM DOWN!!

HE: I'm a photographer.i've been looking for a face like yours!

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: Hi! didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?

SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!