Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 9

Blonde in 1st Cla.s.s.

A blonde bombsh.e.l.l walks into the airplane and sits in 1st Cla.s.s and the stewardess asks her for her ticket. The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket.

The blonde says, "I'm a cute looking blonde and I'm flying first cla.s.s."

The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta....

The blonde then retorts, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first cla.s.s".

Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening....

The blonde tells him, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first cla.s.s....

The captain whispers in her ear...and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin...

The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast..

He replied, "I told her that 1st cla.s.s is not going to Atlanta."

Blonde in a Boeing.

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane,a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c.o.c.k-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts, "BE SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

Blonde in a Flight School.

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Blonde in a Lumber Yard.

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Blonde in a Soda Machine.

One day a blonde goes up to a soda machine. She puts in some money and a soda comes out.

She gets really excited and started to put more money into the machine. The more and more she did it, the more the sodas came out.

Someone walked up to her and asked her if they could get a soda.

The blonde said, 'Get out of my face, I'm winning!

Blonde in Ocean of Wheat.

This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, "because it is an ocean of wheat."

The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled, "if I could swim I would come out there and kick your b.u.t.t."

Blonde on a Diet.

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping.

Breath in Breath out.

Once a blonde went to get her hair cut, but she was wearing headphones.

The stylist said, 'You gotta take off your headphones or I can't cut your hair!'

The blonde said, 'No! I can't! I'll just DIE without them!'

So the stylist just sighed, and cut the ends of her hair until she fell asleep, the stylist said to herself, 'I'll just take these off her to cut her hair. She won't notice.' So the stylist did just that.

After about 3 minutes, the blond fell out of the chair, dead.

The stylist said, 'I wonder what could have possibly killed her?! Maybe it had something to do with the headphones.'

She took the blonde's headphones and put them on her own head, just to see what was playing.

The headphones where repeating, 'Breath in, Breath out.'