Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 12

Two Cannibals.

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough.

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Unga Bunga.

This guy is walking through the Amazon. He's exhausted his food and water supplies and is starving. When he thinks he just can't go on, he finds himself surrounded by a tribe of cannibals, all with huge loin-cloths that can't hide their even huge d.i.c.ks.

The man is taken to the village, given food and water, and is then brought before the chieftain. The chief, who has the largest d.i.c.k in the village, says to him: "Right, white man. We are going to give you a choice. You can either be roasted and eaten alive or experience Unga Bunga."

The man, obviously not stupid, first asks what Unga Bunga is.

"It consists of being f.u.c.ked in the a.s.s by all members of the tribe, white man," the chief replies with a huge grin.

After thinking it over, the man decides to go for the b.u.t.t-f.u.c.k. So he kneels down and all the men line up behind him and f.u.c.k him till he's screaming with pain. After a couple of hours the torture stops and the man is free to go. Bleeding from his a.s.s he crawls off into the rainforest.

A couple of days later he's lost. No food, no water. His a.s.s has healed by now, but what good will that do him?

At night he's discovered by another tribe, who take him to their village. Again he is given the choice between death and Unga Bunga. And again, after much consideration, he chooses Unga Bunga. All night long the cannibals have their way with him and in the morning he's free to go.

The next day the man - lost, starving and about to die is AGAIN taken capture, this time by a tribe with d.i.c.ks that touch the ground. AGAIN he's given the choice: death or Unga Bunga. Deciding he's had enough and won't be raped again, the man says to the chief: "Go ahead. Burn me, eat me. I'm ready to die."

The chief, much impressed by the man's bravery, replies: "All right, white man. But first.....UNGA BUNGA!

7 Year old getting Married.

Little Bobby (seven) was in love with Little Susie (same age) who lived next door.

One day, Bobby went to Susie's dad and announced (as seriously as he could), "I'm in love with Susie, and we're getting married".

Amused, Susie's dad started asking questions (in the hopes to discourage the idea).

Susie' dad: "Where will you live?"

Bobby: "Well, Susie has a playhouse in the back yard, so we're gonna live there."

Susie's dad: "How are you going to make money to support her?"

Bobby: "Well, Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week."

"That should be more than enough!"

Seeing that Bobby was still serious, Susie's dad asked, "Well, what about children?"

Bobby perked up and quickly answered, "Oh, we have that figured out already. Whenever Susie lays an egg, I'm gonna stomp on it!"

8 Year Boy Charged with Rape.

An eight-year-old boy was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and though the crime seemed highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming As a last, desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the witness stand, pulled down the client's pants, and grabbed the boy's tiny p.e.n.i.s for all to see.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the lawyer cried, turning toward the jury box, "surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is s.e.xually mature?"

Growing more agitated he went on, "How could this miniature member be capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman-"

"WATCH IT," yelped the kid. "One more shake and you'll lose the case!"

9 Year Old Early f.u.c.k.

Nine year old Junior comes home from school one day and his mother asks what he learned. "Oh, mom," said Junior, "I learned how to f.u.c.k today!" Mom is furious and sends him to his room explaining that he has to wait till his father gets home. Well, dad gets home about an hour later and is met by his irate wife. "Go talk to YOUR son!" she demands.

Dad goes up and finds his son sitting on the bed and asks what had happened. "Dad, all I told her is that I learned to f.u.c.k today," says Junior. "That's my boy!!!!!" dad blurts out, but after thinking a moment he says, "Well, your mom is really upset about this, so I'm gonna have to ground you for a week. But, I see you're following in your father's footsteps. I'm quite proud of you."

The next day at the construction site, dad is bragging to all his co-workers about his nine year old son getting laid. "A chip off the old block!" he beams . "Of course, I didn't start till I was ten, but he's already becoming a man!!"

Dad comes home from work that night, proud as can be, barely kisses the wife's cheek as he rushes up to his son's room. "Well, son," he asks, "did you do it again today???"

"Oh, no!" exclaims Junior, "my b.u.t.t still hurts from yesterday!"

A Boy and his Baby Sister.

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fis.h.i.+ng and he had to take her along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

Beauty Cream.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Boy it's Dark in Here.

This little boy hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.

After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"

The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.

The man agrees. Several more minutes pa.s.s when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.

The man reluctantly agrees.