Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 34

"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"

"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!

New Math.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in cla.s.s.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Organic Chemistry Exam.

At Duke University, there were four soph.o.m.ores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an A so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time - however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. Cool, they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, this is going to be easy.

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: For 95 points: Which tire?

p.e.n.i.s on the Board.

There is a teacher, teaching s.e.x ed to a bunch of 5th graders.

She walks to the chalkboard and draws a huge p.e.n.i.s on the board!

She turns to the cla.s.s and simply asked the cla.s.s, "Cla.s.s, does and one know what that is?"

The cla.s.s sits silently for a second or two then little Johnny stands from the back!

He yells, "I know what that is! It's a p.e.n.i.s! I know cause my dad's got two!"

"The small one he pee's from, the big one he brushes the babysitters teeth with!"

Philosophy Cla.s.s.

A college student was in a philosophy cla.s.s which had a discussion about G.o.d's existence. The professor presented the following logic: "Has anyone in this cla.s.s heard G.o.d?" n.o.body spoke.

"Has anyone in this cla.s.s touched G.o.d?" Again, n.o.body spoke.

"Has anyone in this cla.s.s seen G.o.d?" When n.o.body spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no G.o.d."

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his cla.s.smates: "Has anyone in this cla.s.s heard our professor's brain?" Silence.

"Has anyone in this cla.s.s touched our professor's brain?" Silence.

"Has anyone in this cla.s.s seen our professor's brain?"

When n.o.body in the cla.s.s dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

Psychology Course.

A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses.

She starts her cla.s.s by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up."

After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am," he says, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

Racial Discrimination.

A second grade cla.s.s had just come in from recess, and the teacher, figuring to start on the spelling section of the day turned to Alice, and asked, "What did you do for recess today?"

Alice responded, "I played in the sandbox."

"That sounds like fun, now, if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie." The teacher responded.

Alice went to the blackboard, spelled the word correctly, got her cookie, and took her seat.

The teacher then turned to Michael, and asked him, "What did you do at recess today?"

"I played with Alice in the sandbox." he responded.

"If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie."

He goes the the blackboard, spells the word box, gets his cookie, and returns to his seat.

Next, the teacher turns to Arafat Futh, and asks him, "Arafat, what did you do for recess today?"

"Well, I tried to play with Alice and Michael in the sandbox, but they threw rocks at me and said I was a stinking Bangli." he said.

The teacher, wide-eyed, responds, "Well that sounds like blatant, racial discrimination. I'll tell you what Arafat, if you can spell blatant, racial discrimination on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie."

Reciting the Alphabet.

Teacher is in the middle of a lesson and a little girl sticks her hand up.

"Please miss, may I go to the toilet?"

Teacher says just wait until this lesson is finished.

Half an hour later, the same little girl sticks her hand up. "Please miss, may I go to the toilet?"

Oh, very well says the teacher but first you must recite the alphabet.

The little girl begins: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ. Well done says the teacher, but where is the 'P'.

It's running down my leg answered the little girl!