Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 62

Horsie Ride.

Little Johnny is pa.s.sing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a gla.s.s of water.

Hearing a log of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the act.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

I need a Bike.

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny pa.s.sed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!".

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Jerking Off.

Little Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off.

He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."

The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.

Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"

Johnny's Little Brother.

One night little Johnny was lying asleep in his bed and was awakened by a noise. He laid there for a second and realized it was coming from his parents' room. He jumped up and ran to their room only to find them awake, having s.e.x. He just stared wide eyed at them for a while, not knowing what they were doing.

He walked a little closer to the bed and said, "Daddy?", voice quivering, afraid and unaware of what they were doing. "What are you and Mommy doing?"

The Dad jumped a little, startled, rolled over to see his son. "Well, Johnny, I'm...um... You know how you were wanting a baby brother?"

"Yes..." replied little Johnny in a timid voice.

"Well, I'm a putting little brother in your Mommy for you."

Johnny smiled and said, "Oh, ok!" and left the room feeling safe and secure.

The Dad felt good about himself for his witty and quick-on-the-spot answer and rolled over to fall asleep in his wife's arms.

The next day after work, Daddy came home to find Johnny sitting on the gra.s.s crying. "What's wrong???" Daddy asked as he picked his son up filled with concern.

"Daddy! you... you know.. *sniff* my little brother that you put in Mommy???"

"Yes..." the Dad replied nervously.

"Well... well... Today... *sniff*... the mailman came over and he ate him!"

Learn to Build a House.

Little Johnny is running around the house making life miserable for his mother. She says, "Johnny, why don't you go across the street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some neat things."

Johnny disappears for about four hours and returns later in the afternoon.

"Did you learn anything interesting today?" his mother asks.

"I learned how to hang a door," Johnny replies.

Mom says, "That's great! How do you do that?"

"Well, first you get the son of b.i.t.c.h. Then, you slap the piece of s.h.i.+t up there but it's too d.a.m.n small. So you shave a c.u.n.t hair off here and a c.u.n.t hair off there and put the d.a.m.n thing up."

Johnny's mom is floored by his language. "You go to your room and wait until your father gets home!!"

Later, Johnny's dad goes into his room and says, "I understand you got in a little trouble today."

"All I did was tell Mom how to hang a door."

"Why don't you tell me," Dad asks.

"Well, first you get the son of b.i.t.c.h. Then you slap the piece of s.h.i.+t up there but it's too d.a.m.n small. So you shave a c.u.n.t hair off here and a c.u.n.t hair off there and put the d.a.m.n thing up".

Dad screams, "That's it young man. You go get a switch from the back yard."

Johnny looks at his dad and says, "screw you, that's the electrician's job!"

Letter for a New Bike.

One day little Johnny asked his mother for a new bike.

His mother said, At Christmas you send a letter to Santa to ask for what you want, don't you?"

"Yes," replied Johnny, "but it isn't Christmas."

His mother said, "Yes, but you can send a letter to Jesus and ask him."

Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter: Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy and I would like a new bike. Your Friend, Johnny He thought about this and decided to start a new letter. Dear Jesus, Sometimes I'm a good boy and I would like a new bike.

He thought about this and decided to write another letter. Dear Jesus, I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike.

He thought about this and decided that he didn't like that one either. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mary in the front yard. He picked up the statue and hurried home.

He put the statue under the bed and started his new letter. Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, send me a new bike! Your Friend, Johnny

Not Correct Miss.

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology cla.s.s, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "f.u.c.k OFF!", the dog ate him!"