Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 98

You can rub it and scrub it and brush it like h.e.l.l, But you will never get rid of that f.u.c.ken fish smell.

Can't go to School.

"I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple b.u.mps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.

I'm going blind in my right eye.

My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more-that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green?

My leg is cut, my eyes are blue It might be instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly b.u.t.ton's caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains.

My nose is cold, my toes are numb, I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak.

My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight.

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There's a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is - What?

What's that? What's that you say?

You say today is .......Sat.u.r.day?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

Don't Miss.

The grossest thing for me to see is my bathroom floor all full of pee.

Why can't they make it in the bowl?

Don't they see there is a hole?

Out in the woods, they think it's cute to see how far a guy can "shoot."

But in the house, it's plain to see there is a bowl in which you pee!

(It's usually white & kinda round you hit the water, not the ground.) Why can't they make it in the bowl?

Is it a problem with control?

If not control, then tell me why they make my bathroom such a sty?

Come on guys, get a clue!

You know what you have to do.

Be a human-not a pig & don't forget to lift the lid.

When you're done, make it flush don't always be in such a rush.

Then take the lid & push it down (don't make us women feel like clowns) Falling in, it is not fun getting water on your buns.

Zip up your pants, & you're all done now wasn't that a lot of fun?

Keep this little poem in mind Your woman will find you very kind.

It's Just your Dirty Mind.

I'm sure you can imagine As plain as you can be The place is Picadilly The player is He and She She whispered "Will it hurt me?"

"Of course not" answered he "It's a very simple process, You can rely on me."

She said "I'm frightened, I've not had this before.

My friend has had it five times.

And said it can be sore.

Then finally contented Laid back and relaxed a bit Quickly and readily he bent over her And then he started it.

It was growing rather painful Tears formed in her eyes It was hurting quite a bit now It must have been quite a size "Calm yourself" he whispered His face was filled with a grin "Try and open a bit wider So I can get in."

"It's coming now." he whispered.

"I know." she cried in a bliss Feeling it deep within her now She said "I am glad I am having this.."

And with final effort She gave a frightened shout.

He gripped it in anguish And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contented Sighed and gave a smile She said "I am glad I came now You made it worth my while."

Now if you read this carefully The dentist you will find...

Is not what you imagined It's just your dirty mind!!!....

Old Mother Hubbard.

Old Mother Hubbard....

Went to the cupboard...

To fetch her dog a bone...

When she bent over...

Rover took over...

And gave her a bone of his own!!!

Oral s.e.x - an Ode to Love.

p.e.n.i.s breath, a lover's dread, Is what you get when you give head.

Unpleasant as it tends to be, Be grateful that he doesn't pee.

It's times like this, you wonder why, You bothered reaching for his fly.

But it's too late, can't be a tease, Accept the facts, get on your knees.

You know you've got a job to do, So open wide and shove it through, Lick the tip then take it all.

Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl, Slide up and down, use your tongue.

And feel the prec.u.m start to run, Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb, So when the f.u.c.k's he gonna c.u.m.

Just, when you can't take anymore, You hear your lover's mighty roar.

And when he hits that real high note, You feel it oozing down your throat.

Salty, fishy, sticky stuff, Okay already, that's enough.

Let's switch you say, before you gag, And what revenge, you're on the rag.