Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 157

In short:

So simple, yet so complex.

So weak, yet so powerful.

So confusing, yet so desirable.

So d.a.m.ning, yet so wonderfu....

Women's Lib.

At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more a.s.sertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own was.h.i.+ng but my was.h.i.+ng as well."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

YO MAMMA...

==> SO OLD.

I told her to act her own age, and she died.

her social security number is 1!

that when she was in school there was no history cla.s.s.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

==> SO POOR.

she can't afford to pay attention!

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

she wave around a popsicle stick and calls it air-conditioning.

burglars break in her house and leave money ==> SO DARK.

she went to night school and was marked absent!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep her from eating her fingers.

they made a movie of her heart transplant called "From the darkest heart of Africa"

==> SO SHORT.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

she can play handball on the curb.

she does backflips under the bed.

she models for trophys.

she pole vaults with a toothpick she has to look down to look up ==> SO NASTY.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

she made Right Guard turn left.

the fishery be paying her to leave she has to creep up on bathwater.

she made Sure confused.

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off she went swimming and now we have the dead sea ==>SO HAIRY.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock. Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro!

she shaves with a weedwhacker ==> SO s.l.u.tTY.

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

==> SO GREASY.

she used bacon as a band-aid!

she sweats Crisco!

==> TEETH SO YELLOW.

traffic slows down when she smiles!

she spits b.u.t.ter!

I can't believe its not b.u.t.ter ==> SO LAZY.

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

==> SO SKINNY.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.

skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

==> SO BALD.

you can see what's on her mind that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

==> GLa.s.sES SO THICK.

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

she can see into the future.

==> HAS.