Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 5

Donkey's b.a.l.l.s.

A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room.

After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an English speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey.

"Excuse me," the husband says, "could you tell us the time?"

"Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey's b.a.l.l.s. "It is 3:00", the man exclaims.

"Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice. And the couple continues on their way.

After doing some shopping and grabbing a bite to eat. The couple return to the old man for the time.

Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the b.a.l.l.s and says "It is now 4:45."

By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's b.a.l.l.s!"

"Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins. "Now, do you see the donkey's b.a.l.l.s?"

"Of course", the man replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed, after all, this could prove to be an enlightening experience. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's b.a.l.l.s", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed.

"Now look underneath the donkeys b.a.l.l.s, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that.

"Now" the man says, "can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?"

Big Dumb guy.

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he says. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you can't wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the show off replies. "I'll take that bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reaches out and grabs the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he says, "All right. Get in."

Ten again.

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

"I'd love to be ten again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered a Big Mac for her along with extra fries and a refres.h.i.+ng chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie-the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

Fannie Green.

A man enters the confessional and says to the Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had s.e.x with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Mary's."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had s.e.x with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "Who is "Fannie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say 10 Hail Mary's."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing for Ma.s.s when a gorgeous, tall woman enters. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly walks up the aisle and sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching s.h.i.+ny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in sits with her legs lightly spread apart: she is obviously not wearing any underwear. The priest turns to the altar boy and asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy, whose eyes are popping out of his head, replies; "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

This is a genuine psychological! See how you do ...

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy that she didn't know. She thought this guy was amazing. A real dream guy, so much she that she fell in love with him at first sight. But so forgot to get his number and could not find him. A few days later the girl killed her own sister!

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you scroll down. NO CHEATING!

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at her sister funeral.

If you answered the question correctly be afraid! Be very afraid, you think like a psychopath!

An American psychologist developed the test. It was used to see who has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this research and gave the same answer as you!

If you answered the question incorrectly, well good for you. Your friends have hit the jackpot a sane stable individual for a friend.

How blonde was she?

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She thought General Motors was in the army.

At the bottom of an application where it said "sign here," she wrote "Sagittarius."

She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She Was So Blonde ...

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and " DON'T WALK."

She tried to put her M&M's in alphabetical order.

She sold her car for gas money.

She studied hard before taking a blood test.

She thought she needed a token to get on "The Soul Train."

When she missed bus No 44, she took bus No 22 twice instead.

When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," so she turned around and went home.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

She's worried that if she tries to speak her mind, she'll be speechless.

She's convinced that she can't use her AM radio in the evening.

She had a s.h.i.+rt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "t.i.ts Goes In Front"

Q: What's the battle cry of the Parachute Regiment flower-arranging team?

A: Geranium!

Q: What's a woman's definition of the perfect husband?

A: A man who is convinced he has the perfect wife."

Better mileage.

Little Johnny catches his parents s.h.a.gging one afternoon and yells, "Hey, Dad! What are you doing?"

His father replies, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."

"Oh, yeah!" says Johnny, "Well, you better get a model that does better mileage cause the postman filled her this morning."