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"I had hoped... it may sound foolish, but if I were to marry, I wanted to love and be loved by the man whom I married. It would be a special man who accepts me trudging around the land in breeches during the day and accepts the fact that I may make mistakes in company sometimes. I would like to be able to be relaxed and be myself with my husband," Elizabeth said wistfully.
"We all need to be relaxed with our life mate my dear. Some would put a good match over love though."
"And you? What is your opinion?" Elizabeth asked eagerly, glad that she had found someone who seemed to understand her dilemma.
Violet hesitated, she had to answer honestly not because she was Michael's sister and wanted to see her brother happy. "I married for love and I would hope that those who are dear to me would do the same. To wake up next to the man who loves you and is loved by you is something very special indeed. I am sometimes not easy to live with, but I know that without doubt Edward still loves me despite my faults."
"You are very lucky," Elizabeth sighed. "I had always thought myself to be self sufficient, but after seeing more of Society I have come to realise that maybe I do need the support of a husband. I was too sheltered prior to coming to London, I had thought it was all so simple, but Society is not so forgiving."
"I am lucky in my marriage to Edward and I want to see you happy, to have the same contentment as I have. What are you going to do?"
"I honestly don't know. I have asked him for some time, which he has agreed to, but I need to make a decision at some point. I am constantly questioning if I am being too naive in expecting love," Elizabeth said with a frown. "The Miss Brodies, Platts and Fishwicks of this world would think I need to be locked away for madness for even having this conversation."
"Yes, well they certainly would struggle to find long term love with anyone the way they behave," Violet said tartly. "It isn't naive to want to love your husband. Could you not grow to love him?"
"He said that might happen when he was proposing," Elizabeth said candidly. "He was honest about his feelings for which I was grateful. He said that he would try to remain faithful and that he is fond of me. Somehow that doesn't feel like the type of love that I would want though."
"Well refuse him." Violet said.
"I think I need to consider it carefully before making a rash decision. I think it's only fair to him, he has a.s.sured me that I am the first woman he has ever asked to marry him." Elizabeth said decisively.
"That is true," Violet agreed. "Think about it my dear, but you must go with what your heart tells you. Forever is a long time to be married to the wrong man."
Chapter 9.
Violet decided that although she had not taken the opportunity to put Michael's name forward to Elizabeth, she could not stand by and do nothing. She had to tell Michael that Elizabeth was in the process of making the biggest decision of her life. She hoped that when he heard what Elizabeth was considering, he would finally act and tell his ward exactly how he felt.
She paid a visit to her brother, which was a highly unusual occurrence. Michael was immediately suspicious of what his sister was planning. Violet entered the room and looked around with approval. She did like the way Michael had decorated and furnished the house since he had moved in.
She perched herself at the edge of one of the sofas and turned to her brother. "Michael we need a candid conversation, one in which you are not going to brush me off like you usually do."
"Oh yes?" Michael asked warily.
"See, already you are defensive!" Violet exclaimed. "This is for your own good and you will thank me in the long term."
"But in the short term?" Michael asked, raising one eyebrow at his sister.
"Well, that remains to be seen!" Violet huffed.
"Come on, out with it." he sighed, bracing himself for a conversation that he had a feeling would be a repeat of a previous one with Violet.
"You need to act quickly or you are going to lose her." Violet said bluntly.
"I beg your pardon?" Michael replied, but he was immediately on the alert.
"It is obvious that you still have feelings for Elizabeth, anyone who spends any time in your company can see that. It is no longer only obvious to those who know you well, but you need to do something about it quickly, or you will lose her."
"Violet, of course I care about Elizabeth, she is my ward. I admit the situation was unwanted at first, but it has been a real pleasure to get to know her." Michael replied his tone slightly formal, as if he was saying a well rehea.r.s.ed speech.
"Michael, stop treating me like an idiot!" Violet snapped.
"I am not," came the cool reply. "I wouldn't dare."
"Lord Halkyn has proposed to her." Violet decided that shock tactics were needed to get his attention.
"He's done what? Behind my back? Of all the devious little tricks. I'm her guardian!" Michael spluttered.
"Yes and he's told her he wasn't sure if you were being fair with her suitors. Perhaps he has seen what we have seen?" Violet responded archly, glad to finally have got Michael's full attention.
"When did he ask her? Has she accepted him?" Michael demanded trying to ignore the feeling of tightness around his heart.
"He asked her a few days ago, but she has not given him an answer yet. She does like him though."
"Well that's it then, isn't it?" Michael shrugged his shoulders, trying to control the feeling of panic rising at the thought of Elizabeth married to someone else. He was trying not to be selfish, but the thought of her in someone else's arms, someone else's bed, made him go cold.
"That's it? Is that all you have to say?" Violet said in disbelief. "Are you not going to do anything about it?"
"How many times do have to say it? I am her guardian. I will give him a piece of my mind when he does finally approach me, but if she likes him, I am not going to stop her marrying the man of her choice." Michael said flatly, cursing the day he had introduced Halkyn to Elizabeth.
"I said she likes him, you fool! She doesn't love him! She wants to marry the person she loves, but she is feeling vulnerable. She doubts her ability to make a decision and needs protecting by the man who truly loves her!" Violet rushed.
"I have protected her," Michael said, not sure if he was responding as her guardian, or the man who truly was in love with her.
"Yes, but your guardians.h.i.+p only lasts a little while longer, and then what? If you wait until then before declaring yourself, she could have accepted second best. Elizabeth has our friends.h.i.+p, but is realising that ultimately she is alone. She needs her own family to feel secure, and Lord Halkyn can give her security, but he cannot give her love. He has even said he will try to be faithful! Can you imagine him remaining faithful if she is in Yorks.h.i.+re and he is in London? It will add to her feelings of being unlovable if she finds out he has not been true to her. So I will ask you again, what are you going to do?"
"He is a fool if he looks at another woman if he marries Elizabeth. She is worth ten times more than any other woman in the country, but it is inappropriate for me to do anything," Michael replied quietly but firmly.
"If you wait until after the guardians.h.i.+p ends it will be too late to declare yourself!" Violet snapped.
"Even then I will not be asking her to marry me," Michael said quietly. "I don't want to discuss it Violet, but I cannot marry Elizabeth, for her sake."
"Oh Michael," Violet whispered.
"Stop it Violet," Michael said roughly. "I am not going to act. If she marries Halkyn, she has made her own decision and I will support her in that."
"But she doesn't know how you feel, so is making a decision without all the facts!" Violet said raising her voice in frustration.
"I cannot do anything about that," came the belligerent response. "Violet, this isn't just about the guardians.h.i.+p."
"What is it about then?" Violet said more calmly.
"I don't want to go into details, but believe me, there is a far more valid reason why I shouldn't be marrying her," Michael said sadly. He could not explain to his sister that he was afraid that at some point in the future he would suffer the same madness as his father had. She would start to look at him the way he looked at himself every morning, scrutinising his features and eyes, looking for any change. Violet was of the same blood, he could not share his fear with her.
"The world will not fall apart if you don't abide by the rules!" Violet snapped.
"What evidence do you have of that dear sister, in your perfect little world?" Michael said laughing at his sister. It was a condescending laugh and forced Violet to respond with something that would shock him into silence.
"I had carnal knowledge of Edward before we were married. The world did not stop turning and I was not struck by lightning," Violet said, a smug smile developing at the look of horror on her brother's face.
"You did what?" He exploded.
"Oh come on Michael, don't be so naive. You didn't expect us to wait the three months it took to organise the wedding did you? There are ways of making sure there were no early babies," Violet said, relis.h.i.+ng the conversation more and more.
"I do not believe I am hearing this," Michael spluttered. "Violet, there are things a brother and sister should not discuss, and this is definitely one of them. I will be speaking to Edward the next time I see him though."
Violet laughed, "He will enjoy that conversation, I a.s.sure you, and if he knows why I had to say it he will agree that you are being a complete fool too."
Michael sat for a few moments in silence after Violet had spoken. If she was hoping that her words would result in Michael springing into action, she was to be disappointed. "I am not going to declare myself to Elizabeth. You have guessed what I feel about her and it is pointless denying it anymore, to you at least, but she needs to have a wedding without any scandal. I refuse on principle to act in any way that would mean she would attract gossip and scandal, and a marriage to me would attract both."
"Well I hope your principles keep you warm at night when the love of your life is in bed with a man she doesn't love. All because you weren't brave enough to stand a bit of scandal. Scandal I don't even understand. I can do nothing else here, I will leave you. One last thing I would ask is that you do one more thing for your ward, accompany her to Yorks.h.i.+re. Support her while she is a.s.sessing her estate. She may need your help while she is there and although Charles is good, he does not know her as well as you do, and Elizabeth trusts you, the foolish child."
Michael nodded his agreement and Violet walked out of the door. He sat for a long time thinking over Violet's words. The man in him wanted to ride around to Elizabeth and take her straight to the nearest church to get married to ensure she would be his for the rest of their lives. The problem was the honourable part of him could not. He had a duty to protect her, especially from himself and he would do that, no matter how much it hurt.
He slept badly that night, pictures of Elizabeth and Halkyn running through his brain, pictures of her blossoming with Halkyn's child. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought of someone else seeing her eyes widen with pa.s.sion, but even when morning dawned he had not changed his opinion. He had a duty as her guardian, and he was not going to let her down. His one concession was that he would offer to accompany her to Yorks.h.i.+re. He tried to justify it to himself by acknowledging the truth in Violet's words, but it was really for selfish reasons. He wanted to spend some time with Elizabeth before she left him forever. They could never have the same easy relations.h.i.+p they had shared once she was married; they would probably never even see each other again. Michael had decided that once the announcement had been made, which he was sure it would be, he was going to retire to his Somerset estate, and remain there until he was old and grey. It would take such drastic measures for him to get through a lifetime without Elizabeth.
Chapter 10.
Elizabeth had been delighted when Michael had informed her that Charles and himself would be accompanying her to Yorks.h.i.+re. She had travelled with the pair and Miss Fairfield, and as each mile pa.s.sed taking her further away from London, she became more lighthearted. She was excited to reach the estate. Charles was the only one to have visited and although she had questioned him in minute detail, it could never be like seeing it herself.
After three days' travel they turned into the estate entrance. There were around sixty acres in total. Initially Michael had questioned if it was too much. He had come to regret asking the question when Elizabeth had spent the next half hour telling him exactly what each acre would be used for.
Elizabeth peered out of the carriage window noticing each tree and field as they trundled down the track. "Home Farm is a good name for the property, it will be the first home of my own. The house being set in the middle of the estate prevents any disturbance from the road, and means that I can go about my business without any worries," Elizabeth said cheerfully to Miss Fairfield.
The statement caused a quiet sigh to come from Miss Fairfield; it was obvious to her that Elizabeth was going to revert to wearing breeches while on the estate.
The carriage eventually came to a halt outside the open doorway of the manor house. The vehicle had barely stopped before Elizabeth jumped down. She was introduced to the staff by Charles. She greeted them all with unaffected pleasure. She asked how long they had worked on the estate, where their families were based and how they liked working there. As a result of some of the responses they made, she also promised them that in the future she would be working to modernise the house.
Charles offered to show her around the inside of the house, to which she agreed. As they were led through the large wooden doorway by Smithson the butler, Elizabeth interrupted her questions to Charles and turned to the butler. "Oh, have my trunks arrived from Lancas.h.i.+re?" She asked.
"Yes ma'am, but I think there is some mistake, the housemaid reported to me that they were filled with male clothes," Smithson responded apologetically.
Elizabeth threw her head back and laughed, "You poor things! This is the moment when you find out your new mistress is completely mad. When I am working on the land during the day, I shall be wearing those clothes. You had better warn the staff, to try and reduce the shock of seeing me dressed like that. You can tell them not to worry though; my guardian has ensured that I have learned to be a lady, so in the evenings and for any entertaining I do, it will not reflect badly on the house or the staff."
Although the butler was shocked at her words, they were delivered in such a way that his reaction was that of an indulgent father. He had liked Elizabeth on sight, her questions to the staff were asked out of real interest and she had listened to their answers. They had not been questions for the sake of it. Her obvious pleasure in seeing the building had also secured his regard, he had worked in the household for most of his service and he was very attached to it. He got the impression that Elizabeth was here to stay, and to improve the sadly neglected estate. He resolved to warn the staff about the dress code of their new mistress, but he would come down hard on anyone who dared to ridicule her.
Elizabeth was delighted with the house. A drawing room, study, dining room and morning room made up the ground floor, with the kitchen area at the back of the property. On the first floor there were five bedrooms, the two main ones having a dressing room attached. The second floor consisted of a nursery room and the female staff bedrooms. The male staff were housed in rooms over the stables. Elizabeth was pleased that each room was a good size, each a useful s.p.a.ce, but they all looked tired and needed quite a bit of work in order to bring them up to scratch.
After the tour they joined Michael and Miss Fairfield in the drawing room. Miss Fairfield was pouring tea. "It will take some changing to bring it up to the standard of your London house, but I think between Miss Fairfield and myself, we shall have a good try." Elizabeth said to Michael happily, sitting on a chair.
Michael smiled at her bubbling enthusiasm. "You may have little time to fix the house, once you have seen the work needed on the land."
"Oh the house we shall work on in the evenings, the days are for the land. I shan't be doing much visiting and entertaining for a while. I have had my fill of Society," Elizabeth responded with feeling.
"The local families will expect it," Miss Fairfield said quietly reminding her companion that she would have some duties in the area.
"Can I not have a little time before I need to paste a smile to my face and pretend I enjoy morning visits?" Elizabeth groaned.
"Perhaps just a little time," Miss Fairfield smiled in return.
As soon as everyone had finished their refreshments Elizabeth went out with Charles and Michael to explore her land. She had gone over plans with Charles prior to their arrival, but she wanted to see if actually seeing the land would change her perspective. It was also an opportunity to meet the people who would be tending the land for her. Michael was pleased and felt a sense of pride in the way everyone seemed to take to Elizabeth. He could not help reflecting that she really was far more at home in the country; she knew what questions to ask, and it was obvious she knew what she was looking for.
The evening was spent with the four of them dining and planning what was going to happen while they were all together. Miss Fairfield was to take over the role as housekeeper as well as companion. That way she could implement changes into the house, while still providing respectability to Elizabeth. She was happy that her time would be spent constructively, because she was fully aware of how much time Elizabeth would spend outdoors.
The evening meal was eaten with Elizabeth leading the conversation with her plans. All was going well until Charles offered his services.
"If you should find that there isn't enough staff in the house, just let me know and I can employ more," he offered helpfully.
Elizabeth noticed Martha stiffening in her chair and was amused at the reaction of the usually restrained Miss Fairfield. Elizabeth was going to speak, but Miss Fairfield interrupted her.
"Thank you for your offer, Mr. Anderton, but if Miss Rufford needs extra staff I shall be the one to make any arrangements," came the stiff response.
Charles betrayed no emotion, although there was a slight flus.h.i.+ng of his face. "I was offering purely because I now know something about the staff and the local area, after my previous visits here," he said defensively.
"I shall be running the house, alongside Mr. Smithson, I am sure between us we can muddle through," came the tart reply.
"As you wish," Charles responded, returning to his food.
Michael and Elizabeth exchanged a look across the table. Miss Fairfield and Charles appeared to be developing a dislike of each other, which was out of character for both. Elizabeth was extremely amused at her usually calm companion. No more was said on the subject, and the remainder of the evening pa.s.sed pleasantly enough.
The gentlemen were to stay at a local inn, Michael had insisted that it was more seemly, and Elizabeth did not argue. If he had stayed in the house she would have been obliged to give him the second princ.i.p.al bedroom, and that was the room nearest hers. Her nerves could not have stood the tension of being so near his sleeping form.
The following morning Michael and Charles arrived early and waited in the study for Elizabeth to join them. They had been told she was on a horse ride across her land, and that she had been out early.
Michael smiled at Charles, "If she continues to be as enthusiastic as she is at the moment, the estate will be running at a profit before the year is out," he said.
Charles smiled in return, "With the plans that are being discussed, I expect she will have bought up most of Yorks.h.i.+re by the end of the year."
"Are you mocking me, gentlemen?" Elizabeth asked from the door. She laughed when she saw their shocked faces. "What's the matter, have you never seen a woman in breeches before?"
Michael took a moment to speak. "Well, since you have raised it, I, for one, am not used to seeing women in breeches, actually."
"It can't be that different to seeing a man surely?" Elizabeth asked walking across to the desk and unfolding some plans. "I worked on these after you left last night and would like to go through them with you both today."
Both men looked at each other in horrified amus.e.m.e.nt. Elizabeth was completely oblivious to the picture she portrayed. She wore breeches, but that was where the resemblance to a man started and ended. The breeches hugged her figure and although loose at the top of her legs, they were fitted enough at the waistband to provide a good outline of her bottom. The s.h.i.+rt she wore would have been baggy except for the braces holding the breeches up. These emphasised the curve of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and drew the eye immediately. She looked athletic and very feminine; neither man had seen anything like her before. Both felt that the temperature had increased in the room since her entrance.