The Funny Philosophers Part 6

"Broad-axes!" shouted Toney, with the lungs of a Stentor.

"Broad-axes!" repeated Wiggins, with a pallid cheek. "Mr. Belton, you do not mean to say that Captain Bragg expects Mr. Botts to fight him with a broad-axe!"

"Why not, sir? Why not? When a man fights a duel is it not his object to kill his antagonist? And are not broad-axes as efficient as any weapon for the purpose?"

"But, Mr. Belton, a broad-axe is an unusual, a barbarous weapon."

"Sir, it is neither an unusual nor a barbarous weapon. It is a military weapon. Examine Webster's Dictionary and you will find that such is the definition of broad-axe. It has been often used by gentlemen in affairs of honor."

"I never heard of its use among men of honor," said Wiggins.

"Why, Sir, who originated the practice of dueling? Were not the chivalrous knights of the Middle Ages the first to adopt this mode of settling disputes?"

"Certainly," said the representative of Botts.

"And were not those knights gentlemen and men of honor?"

"Of course they were," said Wiggins. "Who can doubt that?"

"And did they not fight with battle-axes?"

"Oh, certainly," said Wiggins. "We read of that in Froissart and the other chroniclers of those days."

"Well, sir, will you be so good as to show me the difference between a battle-axe and a broad-axe? Can you point it out?"

"I confess that I cannot," said Wiggins.

"There is no difference; except that our carpenters, in the peaceful occupation of hewing timber, have found a short handle more convenient than the long ones used in the days of chivalry by honorable knights and gentlemen. I propose to lengthen the handles and let our men fight like gallant paladins with the legitimate weapons of the duello."

"Mr. Belton, I cannot consent that my princ.i.p.al shall fight with such a weapon. Mr. Botts is not accustomed to the use of a broad-axe."

"Nor is Captain Bragg, sir. So neither party will have an advantage from skill or practice."

"Did Captain Bragg select broad-axes?"

"The captain has expressed no preference; he has left the choice of weapons to his second."

"Then, Mr. Belton, can we not, as the friends of the parties, make arrangements for a meeting in which each gentleman may vindicate his honor without the tragical results which must ensue from the use of such barbarous weapons as broad-axes?"

"As I have said, and now repeat, a broad-axe is not a barbarous weapon.

Its use is legitimate in the duello. Unless you agree to the terms which I am now about to propose, I shall adhere to my original selection."

"What are your terms, Mr. Belton?" eagerly inquired Wiggins.

"That I select the weapons, and that neither yourself nor our princ.i.p.als shall know what they are until I produce them on the field."

"I agree to your terms, Mr. Belton; anything but broad-axes."

"The weapons which I shall select will test the coolness and courage of both gentlemen. They will not be broad-axes. Are you satisfied?"

"Perfectly."

"Then, sir, as we have agreed upon the preliminary arrangement, I must bid you good-morning."

In the corridor of the hotel Toney encountered M. T. Pate.

"Mr. Belton--Mr. Belton," said Pate, "I--I could not prevail on Mr.

Botts. He has sent a--a--a challenge, and there will be bloodshed, sir, and--and all about a--a--a monkey, sir."

"Mr. Pate, I have the matter in hand, and I a.s.sure you, on the honor of a gentleman, that not a drop of blood will be spilt."

"G.o.d bless you, Mr. Belton!"

"Good-morning, Mr. Pate." And Toney hurried away, leaving Pate repeating his benediction with great fervor.

CHAPTER VII.

Hardly had Toney Belton's footsteps ceased to sound in the corridor before Wiggins s.n.a.t.c.hed up his hat and hurried into the presence of his princ.i.p.al in extreme agitation.

"Mr. Botts," he exclaimed, "I have just had an interview with Mr.

Belton, the friend of Captain Bragg."

"Captain Bragg then accepts the challenge?" said Botts.

"Of course he does," said Wiggins, "and we have agreed upon the terms."

"What time does Bragg propose for the meeting?"

"Between daybreak and sunrise to-morrow."

"A very excellent arrangement," said Botts. "The early hour will insure us against the chance of interruption. And the place?"

Wiggins named the place designated by Belton, and the selection met with the approval of his princ.i.p.al, who inquired,--

"Did the captain choose fire-arms, or small swords? I am equally expert in the use of either."

"Fire-arms or small swords!" exclaimed Wiggins,--"no, sir, he did not."

"What weapon did he then select? I am at a loss to imagine."

Wiggins hesitated and was silent. His features became strangely and alarmingly distorted.

"Did you not agree upon the weapons? What did Mr. Belton propose?"