Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 11

-- _Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens iii._ lxvii.

-- A ryche Frankelyn in the contrey hauynge by his wyfe but one chylde and no mo, for the great affeccyon that he had to his sayd chylde founde hym at Oxforde to schole by the s.p.a.ce of ii or iii yere. Thys yonge scoler, in a vacacyon[112] tyme, for his disporte came home to his father. It fortuned afterwarde on a nyght, the father, the mother and the sayd yonge scoler

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_I_ haue studyed souestry, and by that scyence I can proue, that these ii chekyns in the dysshe be thre chekyns.[113] Mary, sayde the father, that wolde I fayne se. The scoller toke one of the chekyns in his hande and said: lo! here is one chekyn, and incontynente he toke bothe the chekyns in his hande iointely and sayd: here is ii chekyns; and one and ii maketh iii: ergo here is iii chekyns. Than the father toke one of the chekyns to him selfe, and gaue another to his wyfe, and sayd thus: lo! I wyll haue one of the chekyns to my parte, and thy mother shal haue a nother, and because of thy good argumente thou shalte haue the thyrde to thy supper: for thou gettyst no more meate here at this tyme; whyche promyse the father kepte, and so the scoller wente without his supper.

By this tale men may se, that it is great foly to put one to scole to lerne any subtyll scyence, whiche hathe no naturall wytte.

FOOTNOTES:

[111] orig. reads _I am here John Dawe_.

[112] orig. reads _vocacyon_.

[113] The same story is to be found in _Scogin's Jests_, with a trifling variation. _Scogin's Jests_ were published before 1565. Several of the anecdotes, here narrated, were re-produced in that and other collections. See also _Joake upon Joake_, 1721, where the present story is told of King Charles the Second, Nell Gwynne, and the d.u.c.h.ess of Portsmouth. In this version the d.u.c.h.ess is the sufferer.

-- _Of the frere that stale the podynge._[114] lxviii.

-- A frere of London there was that on a Sonday in the mornynge yerly[115] in the somer season came fro London to Barnette to make a colacyon,[116] and was there an houre before hye ma.s.se began: and bycause he wolde come to the churche honestly, he wente fyrst to an ale house there to wype his shoes and to make him selfe clenly. In the whyche house there were podynges to sell, and dyuers folkes there brekynge theyr faste, and eatynge podynges. But the frere brake his faste in a secrete place in the same house. This frere sone after came to the church, and by lycence of the curate entered into the pulpet to make a colacyon or sermon. And in his sermon there he rebuked sore the maner of them that met to breke theyr faste on the Sonday before hye ma.s.se, and said it was called the deuyls blacke brekefast. And with that worde spekynge, as he dyd caste his armes out to make his countenaunce, there fell a podyng out of his sleue, whiche he hym selfe had stolen a lytell before in the same alehouse; and whan the people saw that, and specially they that brake theyr faste there the same mornynge, and knewe well that the wyfe had complayned howe she had one of her podynges stolen, they laughed so moche at the frere, that he incontynente wente downe out of the pulpet for shame.

By this tale a man may se that, whan a precher dothe rebuke any synne or vyce wherin he is knowen openly to be gyltie him selfe, suche prechynge shall lytell edefye to the people.

FOOTNOTES:

[114] This story, as already mentioned in the Introduction, is taken from the tale of the "Vickar of Bergamo" in _Tarlton's Newes out of Purgatorie_ (1590). See Halliwell's ed. of _Tarlton's Jests, &c._ p. 82.

(Shakesp. Sec.).

[115] Early.

[116] Homily.

-- _Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres._ lxix.

-- A certayne scoler there was, intendynge to be made a preest, whyche hadde nother great wytte nor lernynge, came to the bysshoppe to take orders, whose folysshenes the bysshoppe perceyuynge, because he was a ryche mannes sonne wolde nat very strongly oppose him, but asked him thys _questyon: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, and j.a.phete; nowe tell me, who was j.a.phetes father? But the scoler was all abashed, and knew nat what to answere: wherefore the bysshoppe sayde: get the home and consider awhile_, and come agayne and soyle[117] me this questyon, and thou shalt haue orders. This scoler so departed and came home to his father, and shewed hym the cause of the hynderaunce of his orders. Hys father, beyng angry at his folisshenes, thought to teche hym the solucyon of this questyon by a familier example, and called his spanyels before hym, and sayd thus: Thou knowest well, Colle my dogge hathe these iii. whelpes, Ryg, Trygge and Tryboll. Muste nat all my dogges nedes be syre to Tryboll? Than quod the scoler: by G.o.d! father, ye [have] sayd trouthe. Let me alone nowe; ye shall se me do well ynoughe the nexte tyme. Wherfore on the morowe he wente to the bysshoppe agayne, and sayd he coulde soyle his questyon. Than sayd the bysshoppe: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came,[118] and j.a.phete. Now, tell me who was j.a.phetes father. Mary, syr, quod the scoler, if it plese youre lordeshyppe, Colle my fathers dogge.

By this tale a man may lerne, that it is but loste tyme to teche a fole any thynge, whiche hathe no wytte to perceyue it.

FOOTNOTES:

[117] Satisfy, a very rare word.

-- _Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde._ lxx.

-- It fortuned so that a frere, late in the euenynge, desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey, the whiche for lacke of other lodgyng, glad to harborowe the frere, lodged him in his owne bedde. And after, he and his wyfe, the frere beynge a slepe, came and laye in the same bedde; and in the mornynge after the poore man rose and went to the market, leauyng the frere in the bedde with his wyfe. And as he wente he smiled and laughte to hym selfe; wherfore hys neyghbours demaunded of hym, why he so smyled. He answered and sayd: I laughe to thynke, howe shamefaste the frere shal be whanne he waketh, whome I left in bedde with my wyfe.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that ouershoteth hym selfe doth folysshely: yet he is more fole to shewe it openly.

FOOTNOTES:

[118] Ham.

-- _Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote._ lxxi.

-- Somtyme there dwelled a preest in Stretforde vpon Auyne of small lernyng, which vndeuoutly sange ma.s.se and oftentymes twyse on one day.

So it happened on a tyme, after his seconde ma.s.se was done in shorte s.p.a.ce, nat a myle from Stretforde there mette with hym dyuers marchaunte men whiche wolde haue harde ma.s.se, and desyred hym to synge ma.s.se and he shuld haue a grote; whiche answered them and sayd: syrs, I wyll say ma.s.se no more this day; but I wyll say you two gospels for one grote, and that is dogge chepe [for] a ma.s.se in any place in Englande.

By this tale a man may se, that they that be rude and unlerned regarde but lytell the meryte and goodness of holy prayer.

-- _Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote._ lxxii.

_Too much damaged to decypher._

-- _Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were._ lxxiii.

-- A precher in pulpet whiche prechyd the worde _of G.o.d, amonge other_ matters spake of mennes soules and sayd _that the soule was so_ subtyll that a thousande soules myght daunce _on the s.p.a.ce of the nayle of a_ mannes fynger. Amonge which audyence there was a mery conceyted _fellow_ of small deuocyon that answered and sayde thus: mayster doctour, if a thousande soules may daunce on a mannes nayle, I praye you than, where shall the pyper stande?

By this tale a man may se, that it is but foly to shewe or to teche vertue to them, that haue no pleasure nor mynde therto.