Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 12

-- _Of the husbande that cryed ble under the bed._ lxxiv.

-- In London there was a certayne artifycer hauyng a fayre wife, to whom a l.u.s.ty galante made pursute to accomplisshe his pleasure. This woman, denyeng, shewed the matter vnto her husband whiche, moued therewith, bad his wyfe to appoynte him a tyme to come secretly to lye with her all nyght, and with great crakes and othes sware that, agaynst his comyng, he wolde be redy harneysed and wolde put him in ieopardye of his lyfe, except he wolde make hym a great amendes. Thys nyght was then appoynted; at whiche tyme thys courtyer came at his houre, and entred in at the chamber, and set his two-hande sworde downe, and sayde these wordes: stande thou there, thou sworde, the dethe of thre men! This husbande lyenge vnder the bedde in harneys, herynge these wordes, lay still for fere. The courtyer anone gat him to bed with the wyfe about his prepensed busynesse; and within an houre or two the husbande, beynge wery of lyenge, beganne to remoue hym. The courtyer, that hearynge, asked the wyfe what thinge that was that remoued vnder the bedde; whiche, excusyng the matter, sayd it was a lytell shepe, that was wonte dayly to go about the house; and the husbande, that herynge, anone cryed _ble_, as it had ben a shepe. And so in conclusyon, whan the courtyer sawe his tyme, he rose and kissed the wyfe, and took his leaue and departed. And as sone as he was gone the husbande arose; and, whan the wyfe loked on him, somwhat aba.s.shed began to make a sad countenance; and [she] sayde; alas! syr, why did you * *

_The remainder of this tale is wanting._

_By this tale ye may se_, that he is not wyse that will put his confydence _in bosters_ and great crakers, whiche ofte tymes wyll do but ly_tell, when it comes to_ the poynte.

-- _Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in h.e.l.l._[119] lxxv.

-- A souter[120] syttynge in his shope, that sawe a colyer come by, _deryded hym_, because he was so blacke, and asked hym, what newes from h.e.l.l and howe the deuyll fared. To whome the colyer answeryd hym: he was well, whan I sawe hym laste; for he was rydynge _and waited_ but for a souter to plucke on his botes.

By this ye may se that he that vseth to deryde other folkes is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

FOOTNOTES:

[119] The blackness of colliers was employed of course from a very early period as a ground for satirical insinuations as to their connection with the Evil One. In 1568, Ulpian Fulwell, a distinguished writer of the Elizabethan era, published _A Pleasant Interlude int.i.tuled Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Collier_; and in the old play of _Grim the Collier of Croydon_, the epithet grim was intended to convey a similar idea. In _Robin Goodfellow His Mad Pranks and Merry Jests_, 1628, however, Grim is the name of a Fairy.

[120] Shoemaker or Cobbler. Lat. _Sutor_.

-- _Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe._ lxxvi.

-- I fynde wrytten amonge olde gestes,[121] howe G.o.d mayde Saynt Peter porter of heuen, and that G.o.d of hys goodnes, sone after his pa.s.syon, suffered many men to come to the kyngdome of Heuen with small deseruynge; at whiche tyme there was in heuen a great company of Welchemen, whyche with their crakynge and babelynge troubled all the other. Wherfore G.o.d sayde to saynte Peter, that he was wery of them, and that he wolde fayne haue them out of heuen. To whome saynte Peter sayd: Good Lorde, I warrente you, that shal be done. Wherfore saynt Peter wente out of heuen gates and cryed wyth a loud voyce _Cause bobe_, that is as moche to saye as rosted chese, whiche thynge the Welchemen herynge, ranne out of Heuen a great pace. And when Saynt Peter sawe them all out, he sodenly wente into Heuen, and locked the dore, and so sparred all the Welchemen out.

By this ye may se, that it is no wysdome for a man to loue or to set his mynde to moche vpon any delycate or worldely pleasure, wherby he shall lose the celestyall and eternall ioye.

FOOTNOTES:

[121] It is not very usual to find this word in its jocular sense spelled in this manner. It continued to be used in its original signification (_action_ or _exploit_) even to the Restoration, perhaps later. The most recent example of this employment with which the Editor has happened to meet is at p. 29 of Mauley's _Iter Carolinum_, 1660, where the writer speaks of "His Majesties Gests from Newcastle to Holdenby in Feb. 1646." These _gests_ were certainly no _jests_. Since the former part of this note was written a more recent instance of the use of _gest_ in the sense in question has occurred to the Editor in the _Life and Gests of S. Thomas Cantilupe, Gant_, 1674. 8vo.

-- _Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce._ lxxvii.

-- Two knyghtes there were which wente to a standynge fylde with theyr prynce; but one of them was confessed before he wente, but the other wente into the felde without shryfte or repentaunce. Afterwarde thys prynce wanne the fylde, and had the victory that day; wherfore he that was confessed came to the prynce, and asked an offyce and sayd that he had deserved it, for he had done good seruice and aduentured that day as farre as any man in the felde. To whome the other that was unconfessed answered and sayd: nay, by the ma.s.se, I am more worthy to haue a rewarde than he: for he aduentured but his body for your sake, for he durst nat go to the felde tyll he was confessed; _but I that was unconfessed adventured my soule_.[122] * * * *

_The remainder of this tale is wanting._

-- _Of the parson that stale the mylners elys._ lxxviii.

_Too imperfect to decypher._

-- _Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than G.o.d._ lxxix.

-- A Welchman on a tyme went to churche to _be shryued, and chanced_ to come in euyn at the sacryng-time.[123] When he had _confessed him_ he went home, wher one of his felowes askyd hym wh_ether he had seen G.o.d_ Almighty to day; which answerd and sayd: nay, but I saw _one forty s.h.i.+llings better_.

-- _Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule._ lx.x.x.

-- Upon a tyme certayn women in the countrye were _appoynted[124] to dery_de and mokke a frere limitour, that vsed moche to _trouble them_; whereupon one of them, a lytyll before the frere came, _tooke a hogge_, and for dysport leyd it under the borde after the manner of a corse; _and told the_ frere it was her good man and dysyred hime to say dirige for his soule. _Where_fore the frere and his felaw began Placebo and Dirige and so fo_rth, thorough_ the seruyse full devowtly, which the wyues so heryng could not re_fraine_ them selfe from lawghynge and went in to a lytyll parler to lawgh _more_ at theyr pleasure. These freris somwhat suspected the cause, and quikly, _or_ that the women were ware, lokyd under the borde, and spying[125] that it was an hog, sodenly toke it bytwene them and bare it homeward as fast as they might. The women, seyng that, ran after the frere and cryed: com agayn, maester frere, come agayne, and let it allone. Nay by my faith, quod the frere, he is a broder of ours, and therefore he must nedys be buryed in oure cloyster.

And so the frerys gate the hog.

By this ye may se, that they that use to deride and mok other, somtyme it tornyth to theyre owne losse and damage.

FOOTNOTES:

[122] The words in Italics are supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer.

[123] Sacrament.

[124] Prepared, _i.e._ had made themselves ready.

[125] Orig. reads _spyed_.

-- _Of the parson that sayde ma.s.se of requiem for Crystes soul._ lx.x.xi.

-- A certayn prest there was that dwellyd in the c.u.n.try which was not very well lernyd. Therfore on Ester-Euyn he sent his boy to the prest of the next town, that was ii. myle from thens, to know what ma.s.se he sholde synge on the morowe. This boy came to the sayd prest, and dyd his maysters errande to hym. Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must * *

_Several lines wanting._

ma.s.se he shuld synge on the morowe. By my trothe, _quod the boy_, I have forgotten it; but he bad me tell you it began * * * * _Then quod the prest_: I trowe thou sayest trewth: for now I remem_ber me it is the ma.s.se of requiem_: for G.o.d Almyghty dyed upon Good Fry_day_, and it _is meet we shulde say ma.s.se_ for hys soule.

_By thys tale ye may se, that_ when one fole sendyth another fole on hys er_rand, hys_ besynes folyshly sped.