Lucky Pehr Part 11

RELATIVE. Happy the people who respect their great men! [Runs.]

[Enter populace. Relative is talking with the wagonmaker and the chiropodist.] [The Courthouse clock strikes nine; two trumpeters and a drummer come on and sound a call. When the music has ceased Pehr enters, and is joined by Street-Paver.]

PEHR. Good morning, master. How do you think this matter will go for me?

STREET-PAVER. Badly, very badly!

PEHR. Don't the people want improvements, then?

STREET-PAVER. There's no question as to that--it's a question of the great man's reputation, which you have attacked.

PEHR. Have I attacked him? [Rain has ceased.]

STREET-PAVER. You called him _burgomaster_, and that t.i.tle has become a by-word in the town; you said that his paving stones were rough--in a word, you have expressed the common opinion of the man, therefore you are ruined.

PEHR. It's a very remarkable world that we live in!

STREET-PAVER. It's rather see-saw, and has its little eccentricities, but do not try to help it, sir, for then it will send you straight to tophet!

PEHR. The people are dissatisfied and when one wants to dig up the cause of their dissatisfaction, they throw stones at one! [A boy thrusts a leaflet into their hands, hurries along and distributes more among the populace.]

PEHR. [Glances at leaflet.] But this is outrageous! They have sketched us. Have I a nose like that?

STREET-PAVER. They have hit us off rather well--but surely I haven't such ears!

PEHR. I can't understand this--Yesterday the editor was for the cause and to-day he abuses me.

STREET-PAVER. Public opinion, you see! He said to me, also, that he approved of this movement, but that he stared not defy public opinion.

PEHR. A curious way of working for his cause! Who, then, is public opinion for him?

STREET-PAVER. First, the customers; then the burgomaster, money, and power.

PEHR. Then why did he caricature you?

STREET-PAVER. Because I entered into your proposition. As a matter of course, I did it because I could make money by it. Meantime, he is selling hundreds of these poems to-day--[Trumpets and drum sound; Burgomaster, Councilmen and Clerks come out into speakers' cage.]

BURGOMASTER. Well, my children, you must have heard that an impostor has come to town.

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. He's no impostor; he is a reformer.

BURGOMASTER. It comes to the same thing--but you must hold your tongue, my lad, you have no vote!

PEHR. Herr Burgomaster, I would beg that my proposition be presented in a proper manner before this honored popular a.s.sembly--

BURGOMASTER. Just listen to him! We know his proposition and it simply remains for us to express ourselves. Well and good, I consign it to the madhouse! It is the man's wish--think of it, my children! that all may be permitted to tread upon smooth pavements. So long as Our Lord creates different kinds of human beings, there must be different kinds of stones on our streets. Is there anybody who would add further remarks?

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. That isn't true! Our Lord does not create different kinds of human beings.

BURGOMASTER. Who gave you permission to shriek?

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. Since we have no voice in things, we may at least be allowed to shriek!

BURGOMASTER. Yes, shriek, and I'll put you in the lockup! There is no one, of course, who has something to add?

RELATIVE. Herr Burgomaster, as a man of honor, may I not be permitted to enter a protest against the scandalous attack that has been made?

PEHR. I challenge the relative!

BURGOMASTER. And I, on the other hand, attach more weight to the Relative's utterance since he is allied to a great man; that is always the community's best guarantee--

ROOSTER. [From hen-coop outside the shoemaker's.] c.o.c.kelicoo!

BURGOMASTER. What's that devilish racket?

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. That's one who is blessed with a voice!

ROOSTER. c.o.c.kelicoo!

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. Arrest him! [Laughter and groans.]

BURGOMASTER. Quiet, back there! Secondly: Said adventurer has spoken outrageously of the administration in that he has made defamatory speeches against the city's departed burgomaster. We would hear a few impartial citizens--Master Shoemaker, what, in your opinion, does he merit?

SHOEMAKER. I vote with the administration.

BURGOMASTER. Quite right; he should be held in contempt. What say you, Master Chiropodist?

CHIROPODIST. I concur.

BURGOMASTER. And the wagonmaker?

WAGONMAKER. I have the honor to agree with the last speaker.

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. Those who have the right to speak are silent.

BURGOMASTER. Silence, back there! On the ground of what has already been advanced, with the support of conclusive evidence, the adventurer named Pehr [no family name] is hereby sentenced for vicious utterances against the administration to stand in the pillory two hours, later to be expelled from the city, to his everlasting disgrace and as a warning to others.

PEHR. Herr Burgomaster, the proofs are lacking.

BURGOMASTER. We require none. Axiom, or self-evident points, neither can nor need be proved. Away with him! [Pehr is led off.]

BURGOMASTER. Thirdly: In consideration of the vexatious as well as unforeseen incident that the city's dogs give unseemly expression to their inward feelings for the hideous around the pedestal of Hans Schulze's statue, an appropriation is demanded for an iron railing around the same. Surely no one will refuse a deserving man such trifling act of respect?

QUALIFIED VOTERS. No!

ONE OF THE PEOPLE. That is the first time we've heard the voters say no!

BURGOMASTER. Officer, put him in the lockup! The question has been answered, then, in the affirmative.