Our American Cousin Part 12

Mary [Spinning.] Nothing, thank you.

John Dang me if I wouldn't like to stop all day, and watch her pretty figure and run errands for her. [Exit R. 3 E., crosses behind fence.]

Mary Poor Wickens is not the only one who thinks I am a very ill-used young body. Now I don't think so. Grandfather was rich, but he must have had a bad heart, or he never could have cast off poor mamma; had he adopted me, I should never have been so happy as I am now, uncle is kind to me in his pompous, patronizing way, and dear Florence loves me like a sister, and so I am happy. I am my own mistress here, and not anybody's humble servant, I sometimes find myself singing as the birds do, because I can't help it [Song, ''Maid with the milking pail,'' can be introduced here.]

Enter Florence and Asa through gate, R. 3 E.

Flo Come along, cousin, come along. I want to introduce you to my little cousin. [Kisses Mary.] I've brought you a visitor, Miss Mary Meredith, Mr. Asa Trenchard, our American cousin. [They shake hands.] That will do for the present. This young gentleman has carried off the prize by three successive shots in the bull's eye.

Mary I congratulate you, sir, and am happy to see you.

Asa [Shakes hands again.] Thank you, Miss.

Flo That will do for a beginning.

Asa [ Aside.] And so that is Mark Trenchard's grandchild.

Mary Why have you left the archery, Florence?

Flo Because, after Mr. Asa's display, I felt in no humor for shooting, and I have some very grave business with my cousin here.

Mary You? Grave business? Why I thought you never had any graver business than being very pretty, very amiable, and very ready to be amused.

Asa Wal, Miss, I guess the first comes natural round these diggins.

[Bows.]

Mary You are very polite. This is my domain, sir, and I shall be happy to show you, that is, if you understand anything about a dairy.

Flo Yes, by the way, do you understand anything about dairies in America?

Asa Wal, I guess I do know something about cow juice. [They turn to smother laugh.] Why, if it ain't all as bright and clean as a fresh washed s.h.i.+rt just off the clover, and is this all your doin's, Miss?

Mary Yes, sir, I milk the cows, set up the milk, superintend the churning and make the cheese.

Asa Wal, darn me if you ain't the first raal right down useful gal I've seen on this side the pond.

Flo What's that, sir? Do you want to make me jealous?

Asa Oh, no, you needn't get your back up, you are the right sort too, but you must own you're small potatoes, and few in a hill compared to a gal like that.

Flo I'm what?

Asa Small potatoes.

Flo Will you be kind enough to translate that for me, for I don't understand American yet.

Asa Yes, I'll put it in French for you, ''pet.i.te pommes des terres.''

Flo Ah, it's very clear now; but, cousin, do tell me what you mean by calling me small potatoes.

Asa Wal, you can sing and paint, and play on the pianner, and in your own particular circle you are some pumpkins.

Flo Some pumpkins, first I am small potatoes, and now I'm some pumpkins.

Asa But she, she can milk cows, set up the b.u.t.ter, make cheese, and, darn me, if them ain't what I call raal downright feminine accomplishments.

Flo I do believe you are right cousin, so Mary do allow me to congratulate you upon not being small potatoes.

Mary Well, I must look to my dairy or all my last week's milk will be spoiled. Good bye, Florence, dear. Good bye, Mr. Trenchard. Good morning, sir. [Exit into Cottage.]

Asa [Following her to door.] Good morning, Miss. I'll call again.

Flo Well, cousin, what do you think of her?

Asa Ain't she a regular snorter?

Flo A what?

Asa Wal, perhaps I should make myself more intelligable, if I said, a squeeler, and to think I'm keepin' that everlasting angel of a gal out of her fortune all along of this bit of paper here.

Flo What is that? [Takes paper from pocket.]

Asa Old Mark Trenchard's will.

Flo Don't show it to me, I don't want to look at it, the fortune should have come to Mary, she is the only relation in the direct line.

Asa Say, cousin, you've not told her that darned property was left to me, have you?

Flo Do you think I had the heart to tell her of her misfortune?

Asa Wal, darn me, if you didn't show your good sense at any rate. [Goes up to dairy.]

Flo Well, what are you doing, showing _your_ good sense?

Asa Oh, you go long.

Flo Say, cousin, I guess I've got you on a string now, as I heard you say this morning.

Asa Wal, what if you have, didn't I see you casting sheep's eyes at that sailor man this morning? Ah, I reckon I've got you on a string now. Say, has he got that s.h.i.+p yet?

Flo No, he hasn't, though I've used all my powers of persuasion with that Lord Dundreary, and his father has so much influence with the admiralty.

Asa Wal, din't he drop like a smoked possum?

Flo There you go, more American. No, he said he was very sorry, but he couldn't.