Our American Cousin Part 14

Geo I'm afraid I'm very troublesome.

Dun Yes, you're very troublesome, you are. No, I mean you're a lovely sufferer, that's the idea. [They go up to cottage door.]

Enter Asa, running against Dundreary.

Dun There's that d.a.m.ned rhinoceros again. [Exit into cottage, with Georgina.]

Asa There goes that benighted aristocrat and that little toad of a sick gal. [Looks off.] There he's a settling her in a chair and covering her all over with shawls. Ah! it's a caution, how these women do fix our flint for us. Here he comes. [Takes out bottle.] How are you, hair dye.

[Goes behind dairy.]

Enter Dundreary.

Dun That lovely Georgina puts me in mind of that beautiful piece of poetry. Let me see how it goes. The rose is red, the violet's blue. [Asa tips his hat over his eyes.]

Dun [Repeats.]

Asa [Repeats business.]

Dun [Comes down, takes off hat, looking in it.] There must be something alive in that hat. [Goes up, and commences again.] The rose is red, the violet's blue, sugar is sweet, and so is somebody, and so is somebody else.

Asa puts yoke on Dundreary's shoulders gently. Dundreary comes down with pails.

Dun I wonder what the devil that is? [Lowers one, then the other, they trip him up.] Oh, I see, somebody has been fis.h.i.+ng and caught a pail.

[Goes hopping up stage, stumbling over against spinning wheel. Looks at yarn on stick.] Why, what a little old man. [Sees Asa.] Say, Mr. Exile, what the devil is this?

Asa That is a steam engine, and will bust in about a minute.

Dun Well, I haven't a minute to spare, so I'll not wait till it busts.

[Crosses to R., knocks against private box, R. H., apologizes.]

Asa Say, whiskers, I want to ask a favor of you.

Dun [Attempts to sneeze.] Now I've got it.

Asa Wal, but say. [Dundreary's sneezing bus.]

Asa [Takes his hand.] How are you. [Squeezes it.]

Dun There, you've spoiled it.

Asa Spoiled what?

Dun Spoiled what! why a magnificent sneeze.

Asa Oh! was that what you was trying to get through you?

Dun Get through me: he's mad.

Asa Wal, now, the naked truth is--[Leans arm on Dundreary's shoulder.

Bus. by Dundreary.] Oh, come now, don't be putting on airs. Say, do you know Lieut. Vernon?

Dun Slightly.

Asa Wal, what do you think of him, on an average?

Dun Think of a man on an average?

Asa Wal, I think he's a real hoss, and he wants a s.h.i.+p.

Dun Well if he's a real hoss, he must want a carriage.

Asa Darn me, if that ain't good.

Dun That's good.

Asa Yes, that is good.

Dun Very good.

Asa Very good, indeed, _for you_.

Dun Now I've got it. [Tries to sneeze.]

Asa Wal, now, I say. [Dundreary trying to sneeze.]

Asa What, are you at that again?

Dundreary business. Asa bites his finger. Dundreary goes up, stumbles against chair and comes down again.

Dun I've got the influenza.

Asa Got the what?

Dun He says I've got a wart. I've got the influenza.

Asa That's it exactly. I want your influence, sir, to get that s.h.i.+p.

Dun That's good.

Asa Yes, that's good, ain't it.