Sinner Takes All_ A Memoir of Love and Porn Part 10

That one cover brought a new level of recognition, and with that my fears and anxiety increased. I didn't feel safe doing everyday things, like shopping or getting gas, by myself. It was probably one part paranoia, one part reality. One day I was grocery shopping in my neighborhood and a guy was following me around the store. He kept his distance and didn't make contact with me, but he was definitely following me. I left that store and went to another one and he showed up there as well. That really scared me. I'd have to call Evan to rescue me sometimes because I didn't feel safe driving home by myself and risking this guy finding out where I lived So, Evan would sometimes come out to get me or tell me to drive around a bit to make sure no one was actually following me.

At the Virgin Megastore to sign copies of my FHM FHM cover cover The upside, of course, was that lots of new doors were opening for me. I did a ton of mainstream TV, including E! True Hollywood Story: Rock Star Wives, E! True Hollywood Story: Rock Star Wives, VH1's VH1's Top 40 Hottest Rockstar Girlfriends and Wives, Top 40 Hottest Rockstar Girlfriends and Wives, WE's WE's The Secret Lives of Women, The Secret Lives of Women, A&E's A&E's Mindfreak, Mindfreak, Spike TV's Guys Choice Awards, and HBO's p.o.r.n doc.u.mentary Spike TV's Guys Choice Awards, and HBO's p.o.r.n doc.u.mentary Thinking x.x.x, Thinking x.x.x, and I hosted the AVN Awards in its most pivotal year--2008, the year it finally crossed over to the mainstream by airing on Show-time for the first time. and I hosted the AVN Awards in its most pivotal year--2008, the year it finally crossed over to the mainstream by airing on Show-time for the first time.

Also in 2006 we appeared on VH1's show SuperGroup SuperGroup, which featured a bunch of musicians getting together to form a band, write a song, and play a show. Evan was invited to partic.i.p.ate, along with such legends as Jason Bonham and Ted Nugent; one of my favorite singers ever, Sebastian Bach of Skid Row; as well as Scott Ian from Anthrax, which was the closest in genre to Evan's band, Biohazard. The show shot for about two weeks at an extravagant mansion in Las Vegas.

One week the wives were invited, and Scott's wife (and Meat Loaf 's daughter), Pearl, greeted me with a big h.e.l.lo. I gave her an even bigger hug, and the two of us became close pals. Pearl's a very touchy-feely, huggy, warm-spirited girl, who would always greet Evan and me with a sweet kiss on the lips. We didn't think anything of it, of course, until one night Pearl was a little buzzed and said to me, "Scott doesn't want me to have s.e.x with you."

I just thought to myself, "Hmmm. Why on Earth would she say that?" At the time I was really confused and thought, well, I guess everyone thinks that since I'm a p.o.r.n star that I'm out to f.u.c.k them. Pearl and I are good friends; I respect her a lot as a woman for all she's accomplished, and not only do I think she is beautiful and talented, but she and Scott have been good friends and supporters of me.

When it came to Sebastian and his wife, Maria, though, things steamed up big-time. Sebastian and I hit it off immediately over our shared love of smoking weed. He caught me trying to roll a joint one day and laughed at my poor form. "Here, let me show you how to do that right," he said, as he took the rolling paper and some weed and rolled the perfect joint. I was a huge '80s rock fan when I was a teen and drooled over Sebastian's photos in rock magazines, so I felt like a schoolgirl every time we hung out. Sebastian was so funny about smoking. He didn't care if the VH1 cameras caught him; he only cared if Ted Nugent caught him. I think he looked up to Ted like a father figure because his own dad had pa.s.sed away. He would get really paranoid of Ted finding out. (I guess now he'll know. Sorry, Sebastian.) Sebastian's wife, Maria, was super hot, and there was a lot of innocent s.e.xual energy between Evan and me and Sebastian and Maria. We decided to do something about all that energy. Not a foursome, though we came close! Instead, we decided to do a very s.e.xy photo shoot of Maria and me for our husbands. It was our little treat for them. One of Evan's many talents is his photographic work, and over the years, he's photographed me many times. So he grabbed his photo equipment, even found someone to be his photo a.s.sistant, and set up a sizzling shoot in the room we were staying in. We had the best room in the house. It was a round room with hand-painted dragons on the walls, a round bed in the center, and a bada.s.s custom motorcycle for adornment . . . perfect for a photo shoot.

Sebastian was hilarious during the shoot. He kept making these noises because he was so excited to see his wife half-naked with another woman. But at the same time, he couldn't stop directing her and it seemed to make her nervous. I'll never forget when Maria laid me back on the bike and we were face to face. If it weren't for Sebastian and his big mouth interrupting the moment, who knows what would've happened. Well, I I know what would've happened. know what would've happened.

It wasn't all s.e.x, drugs, and rock-and-roll during SuperGroup SuperGroup, though. Evan and I had our romantic moments too. One night, Evan told me to be ready in twenty minutes because the show's limo would be taking us somewhere. We really abused our limo privileges during that shoot. I a.s.sumed we were going to dinner or a strip club, as per usual. But instead, we pulled up to a wedding chapel, and the second I saw the chapel sign, I started to cry.

"Again?" I said to Evan, being that this would be the third time we renewed our vows.

"Yep, again," he said.

Our theory on getting married over and over again was this: You don't go to the gym just once and stay fit for life. So, why commit yourself to each other just once in your life? Renewing our vows and recommitting ourselves to each other is like maintenance for our marriage. It's constant work and needs constant reaffirmations. So, we said our "I Do's" in front of an Elvis Presley impersonator and the VH1 crew, and I felt giddy like a new bride all over again. We hopped back in the limo, closed the part.i.tion, and made love like newlyweds once again.

ONE DAY IN 2006, we got a call from the producers of Will Ferrell's movie we got a call from the producers of Will Ferrell's movie Blades of Glory. Blades of Glory. His character in the movie is this washed-up ice-skating pro who is trying to make a comeback and part of his backstory was that he did a p.o.r.n movie that won an AVN award called His character in the movie is this washed-up ice-skating pro who is trying to make a comeback and part of his backstory was that he did a p.o.r.n movie that won an AVN award called The Iceman Cometh The Iceman Cometh. The producers were looking for two p.o.r.n stars to pose with Will for a fake DVD box cover of the movie. When they called me I was thrilled and said yes immediately. They asked me who I thought should be the second girl for the shoot and I chose Stormy Daniels because we were friends and had worked together before.

Apparently, the reason they set up the shoot on a Sunday was because the producer Patrick Esposito said that people at Paramount might be uptight about having p.o.r.n chicks on the lot. It was a pretty intense set. p.o.r.n shoots are so low-key, but this was very high-energy and very Hollywood. You'd hear on the walkie-talkies, "Tera and Stormy are coming out of their dressing room." "Tera and Stormy are walking." "Go for Patrick." It was so funny.

All of a sudden, we look around and there are hundreds of people looking on. Patrick told us it was 450 people to be exact, which was just about everyone who worked for or at Paramount. So much for keeping it quiet on a Sunday afternoon! The director said he'd never seen anything like this before. It was flattering.

The shoot was fun. We posed in fur bikinis with huge furry boots, looking like s.e.xy cavewomen. When I first met Will, I was shocked at how much makeup he had on. I thought p.o.r.n makeup was heavy, but it was nothing compared to movie makeup. We said our h.e.l.los to Will, and he got right down to business: "Awesome, ladies. Let's get to work." Stormy and I were on either side of Will, straddling his legs as he stood there, legs spread wide, making funny faces and cracking us up. He really has a way of contorting his face to fit the goofy character perfectly. I've never had someone make me laugh out loud without uttering a word like Will Ferrell did. He was hilarious.

From the Blades of Glory Blades of Glory shoot shoot "Grab Tera's hair," the director told Will, who, by the way, could not have been nicer.

Will takes a handful of my hair and picks it up like he's picking up a b.u.t.terfly or something.

I told him, "No, grab it harder." I love getting my hair pulled, so I thought I'd have some fun with Will.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"No, really, it's OK," I insisted.

So he grabs my hair again and it's still gentle as h.e.l.l. So, Stormy gets in on the action: "Grab it, Will! Grab it harder!"

Will still wouldn't grab it harder. He kept saying, "No, no, I don't want to." Everyone's yelling, "Grab it harder!" He must have thought we were crazy. He was such a gentleman and very kind. But d.a.m.n him for not yanking on my hair!

One of my favorite opportunities in 2006, though, was being on the animated show Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which airs on The Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. I always wanted someone to make me into a cartoon. I mean, who doesn't want to be animated, right? The funniest part is that in the show they had me in a tiny blue bikini on all fours, eating a corn dog! which airs on The Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. I always wanted someone to make me into a cartoon. I mean, who doesn't want to be animated, right? The funniest part is that in the show they had me in a tiny blue bikini on all fours, eating a corn dog!

When I got to the voice-over studio to tape my lines, there was a hot dog sitting on the console next to my headphones. Hmmm. That's odd, I thought. Maybe someone left their lunch in the booth. "Oh, that hot dog is for you," the director said.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, the scene calls for you to be eating a corn dog while you're talking, but we could't find one so we got you this hot dog to eat while you're reading your lines," he said.

Hmmm. Was this just a cheap ruse to get a p.o.r.n star to eat a hot dog in front of them? Nope. The script really did have me chowing down. "OK. I don't eat hot dogs, but I'll give it a whirl," I said. So, down the hatch it went. I never actually watched the episode I was on until three years later, and I have to say, I cracked up over how they had me on all fours throughout the entire thing. It was hilarious. And of course, the video of me eating the hot dog made it onto YouTube and the DVD release. The episode, t.i.tled "Grim Reaper Gutters," aired on November 19, 2006.

I gained so much more recognition from all of these endeavors, which felt fantastic. But more important, I made my family proud. Sure, they had accepted my life in p.o.r.n, but it wasn't exactly something they could brag about to their friends and coworkers. With the work I did in 2006 and beyond, they finally had some PG-13 things they could hold up and say, "This is my daughter!" Every time I'd get on a VH1 show or E! or in the news, they'd call up all their friends and say, "There's Linda!" Fans have asked me in the past if my family watched my work. And I just have to laugh. Yeah, right. We have Tera Patrick movie nights and eat popcorn while watching my p.o.r.n. But now there are actually shows we can watch together and be proud of. It felt great that my family could finally partic.i.p.ate in my success.

Of course, all this helped my mental state. My "crazy Tera" episodes were few and far between. I was feeling great about my career, happy, and really satisfied and rewarded for working so hard all these years. I finally got to a place where I didn't have to work as much and I could pick and choose what projects I wanted to do. And we did it our way. Evan was kicking a.s.s as my manager, and I was happy not just for myself, but also for him. It was hard for naysayers to put him down at this point. Just three years before, I was suicidal and now we were able to have the last laugh. I'd been dragged through so much s.h.i.+t, and we came out smelling like roses.

Being happy in my marriage and career also helped me with my family affairs. But what especially helped was being close with Evan's family. I didn't grow up with that close-knit family unit and I've had an inconsistent relations.h.i.+p with my father over the years; a long-distance one with my sister Debby; and no relations.h.i.+p with my mother until 2009. So when the Seinfelds welcomed me with open arms, I accepted their love and let them be my family. Evan was lucky to have a mother and father still together after all these years.

I think they accepted me because they saw how in love Evan and I were and how much I cared about Evan's son, Sammy. And they respected me as a successful businesswoman. Evan says that he grew closer to his parents after we got together because it showed them that he finally was settling down in life. I learned how to be the perfect wife from Lois, Evan's mom. That was always one of my goals in life, to be a housewife in addition to a p.o.r.n star. And Lois and Ira were very instrumental in bringing that side of my personality out and helping me achieve that personal goal. I learned how to cook Jewish foods, such as latkes. My favorite vacations were visiting them in Boynton Beach. I'd play shuffleboard and shop at the 99-cent store with Lois and visit museums with Ira. And they would always treat me as if I was just a normal housewife. It settled my heart.

The culmination of the year for us would be what the Seinfelds call "Fake Hanukkah." Evan's parents are "snow birds." They stay in Florida in the winter and fly up to visit the rest of the family in New York in the warmer months. So instead of celebrating Hanukkah in the dead of the December winter, we'd celebrate it on "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving, because it wasn't as cold and it was the latest the whole family would stay in New York. The entire family would be there, and we'd cook a huge Jewish meal with latkes, chopped liver, tongue, and corned beef. Everyone would be shouting at one another in good fun. We even had a dreidel, and would light the menorah together. It was your typical big, loud, Jewish family dinner, and I just loved it. Even though it wasn't at the year's end, it completed the year for us.

I also love being a stepmother to Sammy, who was just six years old when I met Evan. He's fifteen years old now. Sammy is such a good kid, and I took to him immediately. He called me "Twear" when we first met, and he still says that today. Between 2003 and 2008, Evan and I were bicoastal, commuting back and forth from Los Angeles to New York to see Sammy on weekends. (Evan had partial custody--Elena had him weekdays and Evan had him weekends.) It was quite the commute for a weekend because not only did we fly for six hours cross-country, we also had to fight rush-hour Friday traffic in New York to get from our place to where Sammy lived with his mother. But I couldn't wait to do it each time.

I'd make him breakfast every morning and we'd watch SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants marathons when he was a kid and play video games together as he got older. I'd take him shopping at the mall, teach him how to spike his hair with gel, and just hang out and chill. When I appeared in the game marathons when he was a kid and play video games together as he got older. I'd take him shopping at the mall, teach him how to spike his hair with gel, and just hang out and chill. When I appeared in the game Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighborhood Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighborhood and became a special producer for and became a special producer for Saints Row 2, Saints Row 2, I scored big points with him because it was something he could show off to his friends. He even got to test drive I scored big points with him because it was something he could show off to his friends. He even got to test drive Saints Row 2 Saints Row 2 a few months before it was released and was thrilled about that. Once he got older, we'd fly him to L.A. for weekends, and he once told us that he doesn't tell his friends about his jet-set lifestyle because they wouldn't believe him. a few months before it was released and was thrilled about that. Once he got older, we'd fly him to L.A. for weekends, and he once told us that he doesn't tell his friends about his jet-set lifestyle because they wouldn't believe him.

TERA'S TAT-ALOGUE:I have five tattoos: a sacred heart on my ankle, an arm sleeve, a star on the inside of each wrist, and h.e.l.lo Kitty on the back of my neck.I got my first tattoo on my eighteenth birthday, in Idaho. I only had $65 to spend, so I got a small fuchsia rose on my right ankle. By 2002, it had started to fade, so I had it covered up with a sacred heart with a crown on top that says "Evan's Princess." I got that while I was on tour with Biohazard with Evan by a world-famous tattooist named Tin Tin at his shop in Paris. We'd only been together for two months at the time.Getting my ankle done in Paris*Next to my inked version*My next tattoos were the pink and black stars I have on the inside of my wrists. I got those done by Chris Nunez in 2006 on the TV show Miami Ink Miami Ink, and Evan got "Tera" tattooed on the side of his neck under his son's name. (Evan also has "Linda" on his wrist, and a portrait of me with devil's horns on his rib cage, by Mr. Cartoon.)Next up was the dragon on my right arm by Hori Taku San at Mario Barth's Starlight Tattoo shop in the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas. Chuck Zito and I were the first two people to get tattooed there. The outline was done with a modern tattoo gun, but the shading was done using the old-fas.h.i.+oned Tebori tapping style. Then Robert Atkinson finished up the arm with the cherry blossoms, water, and isobars.*My h.e.l.lo Kitty tattooAnd lastly, h.e.l.lo Kitty is my favorite thing in the world so I just had to get a h.e.l.lo Kitty tattoo. In December 2008, I got her dressed like a burlesque dancer on the back of my neck.

*CHAPTER 27*

SO, You Want to Be a REAL REAL p.o.r.n Star? p.o.r.n Star?

When Evan and I sat down in 2003 and decided I would reenter the p.o.r.n world with Teravision, I told him that I didn't want to shoot movies forever, especially not well into my thirties. Our plan was simple: Form our company, make lucrative deals, and film maybe ten movies for the next few years and then release them slowly in the coming years so there would be a steady stream of product, but I wouldn't have to shoot month after month or year after year. So when I had enough movies in the can and the mainstream media was accepting me, I figured that was the time to stop filming and focus on other things, like my lingerie line, Mistress Couture, which my sister and I launched in 2007, or the burlesque show in Las Vegas that I am launching in 2010. Or, other projects included the Fit 4 s.e.x Fit 4 s.e.x exercise videos, the Playboy TV show exercise videos, the Playboy TV show School for s.e.x School for s.e.x, the Rock Star/p.o.r.n Star Rock Star/p.o.r.n Star radio show we did for Sirius Radio, and working on Teravision and my website. I didn't want to turn my back on the adult industry. I love the industry and I will forever be a part of it. I just didn't want to be f.u.c.king on camera for a living for the rest of my life. radio show we did for Sirius Radio, and working on Teravision and my website. I didn't want to turn my back on the adult industry. I love the industry and I will forever be a part of it. I just didn't want to be f.u.c.king on camera for a living for the rest of my life.

The problem was that while I might have wanted to stop filming, Evan wasn't ready to stop. He had just begun. And he was enjoying being Spyder Jonez. He had quite a fan base and was really great on camera. So, one night in 2005 Evan sat me down and said, "Listen, you can stop doing p.o.r.n. But I don't want to."

"Wait, what?" I reverted back to the jealous, insecure Tera who would scratch him up at the mere thought of him being with another girl. But I'm just like any other hot-blooded female in the world: I get jealous too. I have insecurities. I might be a p.o.r.n star and head of a company, but I was also just a girl in love with a boy. And it was not easy at first to accept Evan's desires to branch out in 2005.

"Hey, you know we're doing Test Drive Test Drive soon and I'd like to shoot a scene in it," Evan said. soon and I'd like to shoot a scene in it," Evan said.

"Wait, what?!" I still couldn't believe it. "You want to f.u.c.k another girl? You want to do a scene without me?"

"Well, think of this way: If I do the scene, you don't have to pay a talent fee to another guy and it saves us money," he said with a smirk.

This is when my doubts about Evan's intentions started creeping into my brain, and I started to fear that our marriage was taking a turn I didn't expect and certainly didn't want.

The only thoughts running through my mind were that he was bored of f.u.c.king me, he wanted to f.u.c.k other girls, he would find someone he liked better and leave me for her. It was irrational. Being a p.o.r.n star myself I should know that it's just business. p.o.r.n stars are not like civilians. We can separate our work from our personal life. I should know, I f.u.c.ked many men on-screen and it didn't affect my marriage at all. I knew this. But I was really worried nonetheless. I worked my whole life to get to this place where I had my prince charming, and I didn't want to lose that. That scared the h.e.l.l out of me. I was afraid he'd find a saner girl and finally say to me, "You know what, Tera? You're crazy. I can't take it." I just kept thinking, "But why?" No matter what reason he gave me, I would say, "But why?" There was no right answer.

We were both working so hard when it came to Teravision. He had put his music career on hold to be my CEO. And he wasn't done living out his p.o.r.n fantasies on-screen. He wanted to get his freak on, and that had nothing to do with his feelings toward me. You see, the difference between me and Evan is that Evan is ten times hornier than I am.

My big point was this: almost every couple in p.o.r.n breaks up, and I didn't want to be another p.o.r.n statistic. I didn't want the p.o.r.n curse to hit us. I've seen it happen to other couples. Doing p.o.r.n as a husband and wife team is safe, but once one branches out to do people outside the marriage, that's when the trouble seems to set in, and I feared for our perfect marriage.

After the initial shock wore off, I was able to think rationally about the situation. I would be a hypocrite to not let him do other women for movies. I was doing other men and it didn't hurt our marriage one bit. It's just f.u.c.king, and with all the crew and cameras around, it's more of a job than an intimate situation. We're all professionals. You shake hands with your costar, you do your job, and you leave. There's no attachment. If I wasn't in p.o.r.n and Evan wasn't doing a scene, would I have let him f.u.c.k another girl? No. But we are are in p.o.r.n and it in p.o.r.n and it was was for a scene, so the answer had to be yes. for a scene, so the answer had to be yes.

And besides, I knew Evan loved me, and that is all that mattered. I knew I was his princess. I knew I had his heart. He reminded me of it morning, noon, and night from the time we met. Our marriage was solid. We weren't like other p.o.r.n couples. I finally calmed down and realized that I could let him do this and it would be OK.

"OK, you can do the scene," I finally said. "Let's see how it goes and how I feel afterwards."

"Thank you, baby," Evan said. "You'll see. When I come home from the set, I will still be your loving husband, and nothing will have changed."

"OK," I said. "But one thing--I don't want to be on set when you do your scenes. I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear about it." He promised me he'd do it only for a few years and then get out. Fair enough.

I trusted him, and off he went to do his first scene without me. It was a normal boy-girl s.e.x scene with Roxy Jezel. And Evan was right. He came home from set that day and nothing had changed. We went to bed that night in each other's arms as if nothing had happened that day and as if n.o.body else in the world mattered but us.

I had a few conditions, of course. Absolutely under no circ.u.mstances could he do a.n.a.l with another girl. That was our thing, and I wanted to keep it that way. There was another condition that I had to attach later. Once Evan launched his own pay website Rock starpimp.com in 2008, he started doing scenes with girls every week. I never wanted to get involved with it, but one day I asked him, "So, what do you do with the girls?" He said, "Well, you know, I ask their name. I interview them. I spin them around. And then we have s.e.x." in 2008, he started doing scenes with girls every week. I never wanted to get involved with it, but one day I asked him, "So, what do you do with the girls?" He said, "Well, you know, I ask their name. I interview them. I spin them around. And then we have s.e.x."

"You WHAT?!" I screamed. "You spin them?!"

Spinning does have another meaning: a spinner in p.o.r.n is a pet.i.te girl a guy spins on his d.i.c.k. But that's not the spinning we're talking about here. That That spinning would be OK. The spinning that I had a temper tantrum over meant that he would take the girl by her hand and twirl her around to get a good look . . . like a dancer does to his partner or a daddy does to his little girl or as Evan did to me on our first date and many dates thereafter. From our very first date, Evan would love to see me get all dressed up for a night out on the town and when I was ready, he'd take me by the hand, spin me around, and give me a kiss. And now he was doing our special thing with these p.o.r.n chicks?! Oh, no. Not on my watch. spinning would be OK. The spinning that I had a temper tantrum over meant that he would take the girl by her hand and twirl her around to get a good look . . . like a dancer does to his partner or a daddy does to his little girl or as Evan did to me on our first date and many dates thereafter. From our very first date, Evan would love to see me get all dressed up for a night out on the town and when I was ready, he'd take me by the hand, spin me around, and give me a kiss. And now he was doing our special thing with these p.o.r.n chicks?! Oh, no. Not on my watch.

"That's our our cutesy little thing!" I screamed at Evan. cutesy little thing!" I screamed at Evan.

"Uh . . ." He was speechless.

I continued my tirade. "You're doing our special thing with those girls?!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think--" Evan said.

"That's right, you didn't think!" I just welled up inside and the floodgates of tears opened up and I cried and cried and cried.

"I'm sorry. I'll never do that again. I should've known," he said. He felt truly awful. He apologized profusely and did everything to make it up to me. He came home one day soon after that and pulled into the driveway holding two huge bunches of red roses out the window as he drove in. My heart melted. He also got in the habit of buying me expensive gifts or sending me shopping on the days he had scenes to take my mind off what he was doing on set.

Here is the column I wrote on the topic of couples in the business in my "Teravision" column for Genesis Genesis magazine in February 2009: magazine in February 2009: So many people ask me about what it is like to be in p.o.r.n and to be married. I mean is that really that far-fetched? What is it like to work in an office and come home to a spouse that is tired and stressed out and not interested in f.u.c.king? So many married people I know are living in complete lies pretending for their partner that they don't want to enjoy s.e.x with other people. Our society is built on this puritanical concept of monogamy when to me, we are all beautiful s.e.xual creatures who were meant to enjoy s.e.x to the fullest. I don't know if this constant test of denial and restraint is what was meant for human beings.For a lot of women in the business, I think there is a lot of fear as I had before I met my husband, as to "Who is ever going to love me?" or "Who is not going to judge me?" There is still a stigma attached for a lot of men who are very intimidated by women who are s.e.xually free, s.e.xually open, or especially p.o.r.n stars. Obviously, for some couples, it is easier if they are both in the business, because there is a level of understanding about what goes on in the industry. Sometimes it works better in certain couples' dynamics when one partner is in the business and the other is a civilian. Very often one partner can become very jealous and this can be extremely problematic. Especially when you think that confidence is probably the single s.e.xiest trait someone can have to me, and jealousy the single biggest turnoff. The adult film business is obviously a breeding ground for unhealthy relations.h.i.+ps. I feel very fortunate to have been able to have a healthy marriage within the industry.The adult business provides a great boundary and actual safe haven for some couples who want to live out their fantasies. My husband and I both get to have s.e.x with whoever we want on camera, but in our personal lives we are more of a "traditional" couple. For Evan and I, who have really open and honest communication, this really works for us as we both get to have the best of both worlds. I live out all my fantasies and still have the security of having a caring and devoted partner.Additionally, to get over that initial fear that your partner will cheat on you, introducing s.e.x with other people can actually be the most freeing thing in the world. The first time your partner has s.e.x with someone else, and comes home to you, you realize that person is with you because it is a conscious decision and a choice rather than something they feel trapped by. If it wasn't so taboo, it would not be a great topic of intriguing discussion. Bottom line is that f.u.c.king and sucking feels great and drives that intangible sixth sense of ours, but love makes the world go round!Although every couple has their own rules, it is nice to see other couples in the industry who have positive successful relations.h.i.+ps. I just adore Gina Lynn and Travis Knight. They are a smoking hot couple who are very much in love, but also both work in the adult industry. I have known them for many years and they, like my husband and I, seem to have a stronger relations.h.i.+p than many civilian couples. Evan Stone and Syren, Jules Jordan and Jenna Haze, Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo, Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong, the list goes on and on. So bottom line, p.o.r.n stars need love too and s.e.x is the reason you are reading Genesis. So whenever possible have your cake and eat it too!

*CHAPTER 28*

Mission Accomplished Hall of Fame? Really? I don't know how I feel about that," I told Evan when he informed me that I was going to be inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame on January 10, 2009. "Does that make me old?"

"No, it's an honor, honey," he a.s.sured me. "Look at how much you've accomplished. Most girls in the industry last a few years. You've been at the top for ten."

After I got over the shock that I was a ten-year vet, I realized I do have a lot to be proud of. I've accomplished my goals, learned a lot, and have a lot to show for it. To me, the induction marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life rather than the ending of an old one. And it means I can pick and choose what I work on more selectively.

I am now able to focus on things I can only do because because of my time in front of the camera, such as working on my lingerie line, modeling, hosting parties around the world as an amba.s.sador of all things s.e.xy, and working on my upcoming burlesque show in Las Vegas that I plan to debut later in 2010. My love for the adult industry runs deep. I am grateful to my fans for raising me up on this pedestal, and I hope they will follow me wherever this road takes me. of my time in front of the camera, such as working on my lingerie line, modeling, hosting parties around the world as an amba.s.sador of all things s.e.xy, and working on my upcoming burlesque show in Las Vegas that I plan to debut later in 2010. My love for the adult industry runs deep. I am grateful to my fans for raising me up on this pedestal, and I hope they will follow me wherever this road takes me.

Being inducted into the Hall of Fame felt like closure on one part of my p.o.r.n life. I did what I wanted to do and I accomplished my goals. And it cemented me in the industry forever, for which I will always be proud and grateful. Grateful because if it weren't for p.o.r.n, I might not have met the man of my dreams and I wouldn't be able to live my life the way I want to now.

This particular AVN was also extra special not only because it celebrated a decade of my life, but it was also the fifth anniversary of my wedding, which meant even more to me than my work accomplishments. I accomplished a happy life. After seven years (five married) of crazy ups and downs, I had a man who still wanted to marry me over and over again like he promised on our wedding night in 2004. So on our fifth wedding anniversary, the night before my Hall of Fame induction, Evan surprised me again for a fourth time with yet another renewal of our vows. Yes, Elvis was there once again. Yes, it once again felt like the first time. But what was different this time was that I finally felt true peace. As I walked down that aisle of our hotel suite, which he'd sprinkled with pink rose petals and lined with candles, and I looked up at Evan standing there, everything felt perfectly right with my world . . . except for one thing: my relations.h.i.+p with my mother.

Having grown close to Evan's family over the years made me think about my own relations. My dad and I were always fine. The thing with Dad is this: He's not malicious. He's not a bad guy. He hasn't done anything horrible. He's just this carefree individual who would come and go a lot. I'd go months without talking to him, but it wasn't because anything bad happened. It's just the way it was. I know he loves me and is proud of me, and that's what matters.

Now, my mother is another story. I didn't talk to her for seventeen years. She had written me a letter when I was sixteen that I didn't open and read until I sat down to write this book. I was afraid of what the letter would say. It was right around the time I came home from j.a.pan and I knew she disapproved of what my lifestyle was like there: s.e.x, drugs, and rock-and-roll.

But there was nothing to fear. She wrote, "Dear, Linda, I just want you to know that I really missed you. I missed your beautiful face around me. I still love you a lot no matter what." Once I read that, nothing else mattered. I realized it was time to let go of the past and let my mother back into my life. My sister Debby was trying to get my mother and me back together, but she hadn't been talking to my dad that much, so I told her that I'd call Mom if she'd call Dad. And that's just what we did.

It's so nice having my mom in my life now. All of the anger and hurt feelings are gone, and we are able to rebuild a healthy mother-daughter relations.h.i.+p. She's even living with me now in my second home in Las Vegas, which we got in 2009 so I'd have a place to stay in town when I host my monthly party at TAO, an Asian nightclub in the Venetian Resort Hotel Casino.

With my sister Debby With my mom at my thirty-second birthday party *

It's weird how we could be apart for most of our lives but still have so much in common. We do weird things the same way, things that no one else does. There will be times where we take the words out of the other's mouth. I wash my feet in the sink like she does. I use a mortar and pestle to crush herbs when I cook on the floor like she does. It's so odd.

My mom says of me, "I missed her. It feels like just yesterday, like nothing happened. We picked up where we left off, but better. I'm just happy that she is happy and good. And I'm happy we reconnected. I see the American Dream in her."

Mom and I plan to go to Thailand together soon to connect with our culture and visit our relatives. She says I didn't get my temper from her. I got it from her her mother, my grandmother, whom I've never met. We'll see. I never thought I'd get to this place in life: love, success, mental sanity, and family. I feel like I finally have it all. mother, my grandmother, whom I've never met. We'll see. I never thought I'd get to this place in life: love, success, mental sanity, and family. I feel like I finally have it all.

You ASKED, I ANSWERED: 12 BURNING QUESTIONS FROM MY FANS.

1. What was the scariest thing that happened on a shoot? What was the scariest thing that happened on a shoot?--BRIAN, 27, LOS ANGeLeS In 2001, I was at a shoot for someone else's movie at Digital Playground at a Muslim's house in Paris, France. I don't remember what the shoot was for, but I was just there to hang out and have Ali take some photos of me. The owner of the house was really happy to have a p.o.r.n shoot going on right before his eyes. He was really into it. But apparently he didn't tell his wife what he was up to. All of a sudden, the wife storms into the house, screaming at her husband and at all of us in French like a crazy person. She rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and literally chased me out of the house with the knife in her hand. I grabbed the keys to our rented pa.s.senger van and bolted for the door as Ali and the others scrambled to collect their equipment. I was so fl.u.s.tered that as soon as I started the van to leave, I crashed it into the wall. Luckily, it was still drivable and we peeled out of there as fast as we could, laughing all the way.

2. What is the most embarra.s.sing moment of your career? What is the most embarra.s.sing moment of your career?--LISA, 24, SAN DIEGO When my v.a.g.i.n.a got molded for a toy called the Tera Patrick Fleshlight, which is a custom mold of my p.u.s.s.y. It's the number-one bestselling male s.e.x toy. I was leaning back, and plaster was over the whole area--from my c.l.i.t to my a.s.shole--and I totally farted and there was this giant hole in the mold, so I had to do it over again. We couldn't release a toy with a giant fart-bubble in it!

3. Do you watch your own p.o.r.n, and is that weird? Do you watch your own p.o.r.n, and is that weird?--JAMES, 32, CHICAGO No. This may be surprising, but I don't watch my own movies. I don't even have copies of all of my videos. I subscribe to this theory that once I do it, it's over for me. I don't save them. I don't watch them. I lived the fantasy. It was done. And I don't need to see it again. I've never even watched any of my movies. Never.

4. What's your favorite celebrity encounter? What's your favorite celebrity encounter?--KELLY, 36, FORT LAUDERDALE Actually, Kanye West was really nervous when he met me backstage at Fas.h.i.+on Week in L.A. in 2007. He told Evan, "Dude, I have the biggest favor to ask you. I really want to meet Tera, but I'm really shy. I don't know what to say to her." It was really sweet, though. I'm always flattered when other celebrities come up to me to say hi, or even ask for an autograph or to take a photo of me. It's weird to think that Kanye West has seen my p.u.s.s.y, but I can't see his d.i.c.k. In a way, that's not fair. Ha!

5. Is it weird to think that people you know and people you meet have seen your p.o.r.n and m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e to you? Is it weird to think that people you know and people you meet have seen your p.o.r.n and m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e to you?--MIKE, 23, VAN NUYS Yeah, it's a little weird to know that someone talking to me has seen my innermost parts and I haven't seen theirs. But it's not weird that they m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e to me. They also m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e to Cameron Diaz and Carmen Electra and Jessica Alba and the girl at the grocery store. Men are just visual. I'm no different, except they have a little bit more to m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e to, they see a little bit more of me. It's just humbling.

6. What advice do you have for new girls getting into the industry? What advice do you have for new girls getting into the industry?--LEISHA, 21, NEWARK

Make sure you are making the decision with a clear head and that n.o.body else is influencing you. At the end of the day, you have to live with what you've done and remember that your third-grade teacher may see you one day, your father may see you, any kids you have, your nieces and nephews--everybody. So look your best and know this is out there for everyone to see and you can't take it back. And don't party or get caught up in the party scene. This business attracts the bad boyfriend, the suitcase pimp who comes into the business and latches onto a p.o.r.n girl or a model. It's hard to find a good guy in this industry. And just know that you really can make a lot of money, so invest it wisely. Don't buy the newest Balenciaga bag. Invest in real estate instead.

7. What's the most embarra.s.sing thing that happened to you in high school? What's the most embarra.s.sing thing that happened to you in high school?--ROWYAN, 29, IRELAND