Mr. Punch On Tour - BestLightNovel.com
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"THE TRAVELLERS' CLUB."--An alpenstock.
[Ill.u.s.tration: FOREIGN HOTELS.--"WHAT!--NO SOAP!"--"Oh--er--juste regardez ici, mademoiselle! Vous nous avez charge pour le _savon_--et nous ne l'avons pas _use_, vous savez, car----"
"Oh, mamma! How _can_ you!"
[_Poor things! they had brought their own._
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE LAST THING OUT.--Sensation created every morning at Crevetteville-sur-Mer by Colonel F---- (of the Guards) and the lovely Lady Magnolia D----.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PERSONAL EQUATION.--_Ducal Butler_ (_showing art treasures of Stilton Castle_). "The three Graces--after Canova!"
_Mrs Ramsbotham._ "How interesting! And pray, which is the _present_ d.u.c.h.ess?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Her Husband_ (_going on the Continent_). "Look here, Arabella, from now you and I will speak nothing but French."
_Arabella._ "_Oui._"
_Her Husband._ "What did you say?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "EASIER SAID THAN DONE"
_Stout Traveller_ (_in the Eastern Counties_). "My lad--which is the--quickest way--for me to get to the station?"
_Street Arab._ "Wh' run bo'! 'th' else yeow'll sartain'y lewse th'
tr'ine! There goo th' bell!!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: DESPAIR!
Brown has locked his portmanteau with one of those letter padlocks and forgotten the word that opens it.
[_Only ten minutes to dinner!_
VIATOR'S VADE MEc.u.m
(_Or Compendious Weather-Guide for the British Tourist_)
When the wind is in the North, Gingham take if you go forth.
If to Eastward veer the wind, Gingham do not leave behind.
If to West the wind should tend, Gingham is your surest friend.
If it seek the South, of course, Gingham is your sole resource.
Intermediate points demand Gingham constantly in hand.
If there be no wind at all, Gingham take, for rain will fall.
At all other times, no doubt, Gingham you may do without, Yet e'en then an hour may bring 'em,-- Showers I mean,--so take your Gingham!
_English Tourist_ (_in the far North, miles from anywhere_). "Do you mean to say that you and your family live here all the winter? Why, what do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor!"
_Scotch Shepherd._ "Nae, sir. We've just to dee a natural death!"
_The_ PLACE IN HOT WEATHER.--Lazistan.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE WATER CURE
_Young Lady._ "So you've been on the Continent, Professor?"
_The Professor._ "Yes, I've been to Marienbad, taking the baths, you know."
_Young Lady._ "Really? That _was_ a change for you, wasn't it?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Oh! con-found these country looking-gla.s.ses, though!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE HOT WEATHER
_Traveller_ (_bedtime, thermometer 100!_). "Waiter, go' sh'ch a thing as a warmin'-pan?"
_Waiter_ (_astounded_). "A warming-pan, sir!"
_Traveller._ "And got any ice?"
