Putting It Together; Turning Sow's Ear Drafts into Silk Purse Stories Part 6

The 20-pound jackal winds up eating it.

And Nyerere clinches with the madman, hangs on for dear life, feels the heavy blows raining down on his back and shoulders, grabs tighter. Ali separates them, positions himself near Amin's right hand so that he can't release the roundhouse, and Nyerere grabs the giant again.

His head is finally clear. The fourth round is coming up, and he hasn't been down since the first. He still can't catch his breath, his legs will barely carry him to the center of the ring, and the blood is once again trickling into his eye. He looks at the madman, who is screaming imprecations to his seconds, his chest and belly rising and falling.

Is Amin tiring? Does it matter? Nyerere still hasn't landed a single blow. Could even a hundred blows bring the Ugandan to his knees? He doubts it.

Perhaps he should have bet on the fight. The odds were thousands to one that he wouldn't make it this far. He could have supplied his army with the winnings, and died honorably.

It is not the same, he decides, as they rub his shoulders, grease his cheeks, apply ice to the swelling beneath his eye. He has survived the fourth round, has done his best, but it is not the same. He could finish fourth out of six in a foot race and be re-elected, but if he finishes second tonight, he will not have a country left to re-elect him. This is the real world, and surviving, it seems, is not as important as winning.

Ali tells him to hold on, his corner tells him to retreat, the cut man tells him to protect his eye, but no one tells him how towin , and he realizes that he will have to find out on his own.

Goliath fell to a child. Even Achilles had his weakness. What must he do to bring the madman down?

He is crazy, this Amin. He revels in torture. He murders his wives. Rumor has it that he has even killed and eaten his infant son. How do you find weakness in a barbarian like that?

And suddenly, Nyerere understands, you do it by realizing that heis a barbarian-ignorant, illiterate, superst.i.tious.

There is no time now, but he will hold that thought, he will survive one more round of clinching and grabbing, of stifling closeness to the giant whose very presence he finds degrading.

Three more minutes of the sword, and then he will apply the pen.

He almost doesn't make it. Halfway through the round Amin shakes him off like a fly, then lands a right to the head as he tries to clinch again.

Consciousness begins to ebb from him, but by sheer force of will he refuses to relinquish it. He shakes his head, spits blood on the floor of the ring, and stands up once more. Amin lunges at him, and once again he wraps his small, spindly arms around the giant.

"A snake," he mumbles, barely able to make himself understood.

"A snake?" asks the cornerman.

"Draw it on my glove," he says, forcing the words out with an excruciating effort.

"Now?"

"Now," mutters Nyerere.

He comes out for the seventh round, his face a mask of raw, bleeding tissue. As Amin approaches him, he spits out his mouthpiece.

"As I strike, so strikes this snake," he whispers. "Protect your heart, madman." He repeats it in his native Zanake dialect, which the giant thinks is a curse.

Amin's eyes go wide with terror, and he hits the giant on the left breast.

It is the first punch he has thrown in the entire fight, and Amin drops to his knees, screaming.

"One!"

Amin looks down at his unblemished chest and pendulous belly, and seems surprised to find himself still alive and breathing.

"Two!"

Amin blinks once, then chuckles.

"Three!"

The giant gets to his feet, and approaches Nyerere.

"Try again," he says, loud enough for ringside to hear. "Your snake has no fangs."

He puts his hand on his hips, braces his legs, and waits.

Nyerere stares at him for an instant. So the pen isnot mightier than the sword. Shakespeare might have told him so.

"I'm waiting!" bellows the giant, mugging once more for the crowd.

Nyerere realizes that it is over, that he will die in the ring this night, that he can no more save his army with his fists than with his depleted treasury. He has fought the good fight, has fought it longer than anyone thought he could. At least, before it is over, he will have one small satisfaction. He feints with his left shoulder, then puts all of his strength into one final effort, and delivers a right to the madman's groin.

The air rushes out of Amin's mouth with awoos.h.!.+ and he doubles over, then drops to his knees.

Ali pushes Nyerere into a neutral corner, then instructs the judges to take away a point from him on their scorecards.

They can take away a point, Nyerere thinks, but they can't take away the fact that I met him on the field of battle, that I lasted more than six rounds, that the giant went down twice. Once before the pen, once before the sword.

And both were ineffective.

Even a Mwalimu can learn one last lesson, he decides, and it is that sometimes even vectors and philosophy aren't enough. We must find another way to conquer Africa's dark heart, the madness that pervades this troubled land. I have shown those who will follow me the first step; I have stood up to it, faced it without flinching. It will be up to someone else, a wiser Mwalimu than myself, to learn how to overcome it. I have done my best, I have given my all, I have made the first dent in its armor. Rationality cannot always triumph over madness, but it must stand up and be counted, as I have stood up. They cannot ask any more of me.

Finally at peace with himself, he prepares for the giant's final a.s.sault.

Discussion of "Mwalimu in the Squared Circle"

Rather than show you yet another first draft (and, in all honesty, I don't have the first draft for "Mwalimu in the Squared Circle"), I thought we'd use a different approach. A number of hopeful and beginning pro writers on the CompuServe network decided they wanted to discuss the writing of the story in depth. I would thinkyourquestions would be very similar to theirs, so I decided to show you a thorough question-and-answer session here.

It actually took the better part of a week, and I've eliminated all the redundant questions and answers.

CompuServe Member #1: What kind of choices did you have to make while writing this story?

Mike:Well, I can discuss some of the easier choices now, and wait for you to ask about the more esoteric ones.

I chose to begin with the quotes. The purpose was to put it in its historical context, since I expected 98% of the readers.h.i.+p not to know who Nyerere is; and the reason I used two quotes was to show that Amin's challenge really did exist historically. (Which is to say, if I'd been making it all up, one quote would have sufficed; by quoting two different books, I was telling the readers that yes, he really did challenge Nyerere to a prizefight, that that much was true.) I chose to start the action in the ring. After all, the t.i.tle and opening quotes promised you a prizefight; you'd have been (theoretically) disappointed if you had to wait 4,000 words for it.

Present tense gives the reader a sense of immediacy. It's a criminally-overused technique, but it seemed to fit this particular approach.

Since I was doing a realistic approach, of course a 57-year-old 112-pound man would not be able to defend himself against the former heavyweight champion of the Kenyan army. From the first line to the last, Nyerere never has a chance. What he, the Mwalimu, the scholar, must do is stand up to the dark heart of Africa, as symbolized by Amin (note the nouns used to identify him: "the giant", "the madman", etc.); it's too early in his/Africa's history to be able to destroy it.

The flashbacks: it would be meaningless to describe the fight if the reader didn't understand the history behind it, and comprehend what's at stake. The general flashbacks-basically about his education and presidency-are true; the specific ones-the track meet, the leaders.h.i.+p of his fraternity, the conversation with his wife, the fight with his brother-are fiction, woven into what is known of his life for the purposes of making the story's point.

As for Ali-Amin asked for him, so I wrote him into the story. Having done so, I had to give him a conversation with Nyerere, to explain what the old man was up against, and to show where Ali's sympathies lay ... but after that, I used him as little as possible. Reason: he and Amin are both primary people; Nyerere is a pastel. Since Nyerere is the viewpoint character and the story is about him, he can't be overshadowed by either of the other two men in the ring. Therefore Amin became a symbol, rarely referred to by name until the very end, when Nyerere makes his futile effort to cut him down to size; and since nothing Ali symbolizes was important to the story-he was the most recognizable man in the world, circa 1979, and I'm writing about two men who are the yin and yang of a relatively unknown continent-I thought it best, after the one obligatory scene where he speaks with Nyerere, to keep him in the background. After all, when you go to a fight, you don't watch the referee.

The ending: Nyerere has to realize that both the pen (i.e., literacy, as symbolized by the drawing on his glove) and the sword (i.e., military power, as symbolized by the low blow that knocks Amin off his feet) are equally useless against the darker forces of Africa. Nyerere's not the Messiah, but the Forerunner; the best, the most meaningful thing he can accomplish, is to stare evil in the eye and stand up to it; the man who can defeat it hasn't yet come to power, may not even have been born yet.

The changing of tenses: since the fight is described in the present tense to further a sense of immediacy, it stands to reason that the flashbacks cannot be told the same way, or the reader would become confused.

Hence the past tense for the scenes leading up to the fight.

Third person: it's a foregone conclusion that Nyerere is going to get his brains scrambled. Therefore it can't be told in the first person; he may never be in good enough condition to relate his experiences once the fight is over.

Why the true flashbacks? Because Nyerere is a real person, and the trajectory of his life is vital to an understanding of him and the story.

Then why the fictional flashbacks? Because this is a work of fiction, and they help emphasize the points the author is making.

CompuServe Member #1:You said "he and Amin are both primary people; Nyerere is a pastel."

I've not come across the concept of color coding character types. What does it mean?

Mike:To me, as a writer, "primary" people are charismatic; they're painted in bold, primary colors.

"Pastel" people tend to blend in with the wallpaper if you don't make a real effort to bring them to the front of the stage and work with them. I think my wife and I created the expression originally when we were breeding and exhibiting collies: the primary ones required only that you hold the other end of the leash in the ring; the pastel ones required all your efforts to help them catch the judge's eye.

CompuServe Member #2:If those are theeasy choices, what const.i.tutes the hard ones?

Mike:The more difficult ones, of course, concern exactly how you push a noun up against a verb: i.e., the actual writing. I'll give one example here, and then wait for someone to ask about any others that may interest or puzzle you.

Someone uptopic objected to "seems to see the dark heart of Africa, savage and untamed", and suggested the alternative "sees the dark heart of Africa etc." They both say approximately the same thing, so why choose one rather than the other?

The answer is simple. You choose words to sayexactly what you want, not approximately. (Alfie Bester once remarked that the word "synonym" is not in the serious writer's lexicon.) The latter example says pretty much the same thing, but it says it with a sledgehammer. By the use of the word "seems", which was not chosen at random or to earn an extra 8 cents, there is an implication of ambiguity, a certain subtlety. Things are not all black and white, even in fiction, and every word you use either adds or takes away resonances from the story you are trying to tell. There is a difference between telling a simple story, and telling it simplistically.

CompuServe Member #3:I understand why the fight is in present tense, but I'm not clear as to why the scene with Mwalimu and Ali, and Mwalimu and his wife are also present tense. Why did you decide to do these two scenes present tense instead of past tense like the rest of the memories?

I read through the conversation between Ali and Mwalimu several times before I found the one word that focused it for me. Early on, you use: "notes Nyerere gently". That "gently" set the tone of the conversation for me. I could hear Nyerere as a soft-spoken, gentle man throughout the rest of the conversation. Was this done purposefully, or did it just work out that way?

In the memory section about the 400-meter race, there is dialogue, but it isn't enclosed in quotes. Was this done to create distance?

Why a snake? Aren't there more powerful demons in African folklore?

This one is a question that the story raised. If Mwalimu-Nyerere-is the teacher, shouldn't the one to follow be something else? The explorer, the liberator, the innovator?

Mike:Good questions. The scenes with Ali and with Maria are present tense, because they relate directly to the prizefight. None of the others do.

"...notes Nyerere gently..." was of course purposeful; it shows the response of a gentle, thoughtful man; the att.i.tude is integral to his character.

The lack of quote marks in the dialog concerning his college race is a distancing mechanism. Perhaps he said that; perhaps he said something similar. Put it in quotes and you then have to put the responses of his teammates in quotes, and then you have to create names and ident.i.ties for a bunch of literary spear-carriers who served no purpose in the story. Had I done that, it would have felt to you as if the author was padding, even if you couldn't quite put your finger on exactlyhow it was being padded.

As for the snake, I wish I had a truly insightful answer for you, but it's simply a matter of expediency-not for the author, but for the characters. Let me put it in simpler terms: I challenge you to draw something more complex than a snake on a trembling boxing glove in less than 30 seconds.

Your last question is excellent, because there are clearly a number of ways to go, and none of them are wrong. I chose to believe thatthis Mwalimu taught his people to stand up to Africa's darker side, and that a better future Mwalimu will teach them how to not only stand up to it but defeat it.

It belatedly occurs to me that I answered the "gently" part of "notes Nyerere gently" and didn't address the first word, which was also a matter of choices. Why not "says" or "points out" or "replies"?

Well, "says" and "replies" are perfectly acceptable words, but they don'tdo anything. "Points out" is more forceful than "notes", and Nyerere, the intellectual caught up in a macho contest, is not a forceful man. Hence "notes".

Also, consider what it's in response to. Ali has just explained that he can't win, that Amin is much stronger. He gently notes that Ali fought many men who were stronger. He doesn't argue it, because he knows it's a ridiculous argument; he merely notes it, as a teacher, a mwalimu, would. It's tactically wrong if Ali were saying it to a young prizefighter, but it's merely academically wrong in this context.

CompuServe Member #1:I've given the story a good re-read in the light of your previous comments and still have a few questions.

The first thing that comes to mind is: why would Nyerere do it? If he didn't accept in real life then I would have expected more of an explanation built into the story. On the Nyerere vs. Amin level it's crazy.

On the Mwalimu vs the Dark Heart level I can understand why he may believe he can win. One consideration must have been thought about so I a.s.sume its exclusion is deliberate. Why doesn't Nyerere attempt to come to terms with Amin at the beginning? After all, he's winning the war and Amin thinks he's about to fall so it's logical on that level. As this is the ant.i.thesis of the end position of the story I would have thought you could have used it to reinforce the theme.

You have set up the main theme in the first paragraph with your mention of the dark heart. What considerations had to be made in balancing the levels within the story? Do you use any specific techniques to pull the reader's mind one way or another?

Toward the end of the first fight sequence is the phrase: "for he has no idea what he is trying to say."

This is the type of key phrase that English teachers at school would jump on and come up with several underlying messages that the author was really saying about the character (and potentially, in this case, the author.) I always found this pretty spurious. Are you saying anything other than the man is befuddled?

Do you ever use this type of portentous key phrase deliberately-and if so, when?

Sorry to go back to the question of tenses. The small section beginning "Vectors. Angles. The square of the hypotenuse" is couched in the present tense, but it seems to logically follow from the race section which is couched in the past tense. Before you leave that section I am curious why you used full stops after each mathematical term and not a lighter punctuation mark.

I a.s.sume all the general historical background was true. Would you bend it if that improved the story or would you worry about blurring the lines?

Another key phrase: in the section "You're crazy, you know that", you write "Words are far more powerful". Why? It just seems a little odd considering that he is setting up a prizefight. Why not something like "Words have been far more powerful" or even "Words have seemed..."?

You refer to Machal. This stopped me dead on the second reading for a good five seconds. The BBC p.r.o.nounced his name M'sh.e.l.l and so I didn't recognize it; I was trying to say in my head Machal with a hard ch, or even Makal. Do you have problems translating African names into the Latin alphabet? After all, it appears that Gaddafi has more spellings than a MacDonald's chef has zits.

Which I guess leads me to the more general question of non-Africans being brought up short by African names and concepts. Has this proved a problem or does it not matter if the flow of the story is broken?

A bit further on in the section "His head is finally clear." Nyerere wishes he had bet on the outcome of the fight thinking he could have supplied his army with the winnings. I don't understand. You have already made it plain in the conversation with Ali that this would not be possible. You have also stated that his head is clear. Er ... so what am I supposed to make of this?

Why did you split the sections "It is not the same" and "He is crazy"? The second section seems to follow on directly from the first in both time and thought process.

In the final section you say "Shakespeare might have told him so". This seems ambiguous. It could be a criticism of Shakespeare by Nyerere or of Nyerere by the author. "Told him so" may even be taken as a "told you so" taunt. Was the ambiguity deliberate?

Again in the final section you say "a wiser Mwalimu". The previous time you mentioned "wise" it was in reference to Mzee, so that was who my mind went to. Was this deliberate on your part?