Josh Billings on Ice Part 16

Criticks are generally self-made men, and often poor jobs at that.

Thare is one happiness in me that haint grone an hour older sinst it was born, and that is--the fun of the thing.

The heathens wors.h.i.+p wood and stone; christians wors.h.i.+p Nevada bricks.

It ain't no credit tew a cow to giv a pail full ov milk, and then kick it over--nor any other man.

x.x.xVII.

SPRING--MAY, 1868.

Spring has c.u.m.

She has bin on the road about a month.

I am glad she has c.u.m, on account ov the gra.s.s.

The gra.s.s waz beginning tew get oneasy about it.

I hope the cows will eat sum gra.s.s forthwithly, so as tew lower down the price ov b.u.t.ter.

b.u.t.ter has got tew be sa.s.sy. 55 cents a pound! Who in thunder ever seed b.u.t.ter so high before?

A feller has got tew go up garret now, tew spread his bread, and then stand on tip-tose tew eat it.

Evrything is hi now!

Dandelion greens has riz; i bought a bushel yesterday, and pade 4 dollars fur it. i wanted a mess, and mi wife sed it was jist like me, bought 6 times tew mutch. i told her tew dry what she didn't want tew bile: they would go good next winter on bukwheat slap-jacks.

She stuk up her nose and slammed the door; but she loves me for aul that, better than enny other woman dus.

As i sed before, spring has c.u.m.

Mi hart begins tew kick up her heels, and i feel a limberness in my soul; i think i must be thawin out.

I hav a nateral gift for spring melankolly.

I luv tew hear a robin sing; it is as sweet as sadness.

I luv tew prokure a violet as soon as i can, each year; there is such a mild impediment in their butiful fases; thay put me in mind ov an orfan child, that has strayed oph into a dell and sot down tew cri.

As i sed before, i am glad spring has c.u.m, on akount ov the new bunnets.

And altho b.u.t.ter and dandelion greens are condem hi, my wife ses spring bunnits is real cheep, (and she knos,) she can get a decent one fur 48 dollars, without enny trimmins.

I am real glad that one ov the necessaries ov life ain't onreasonable.

Potatose and korn beef and ri flour and other luxuries is hi, and i don't kno, fackt, but they ought tew be. If folks will hanker after sich things, let them pay for them.

I am satisfied--Spring has c.u.m, and bunnits are dog reasonable.

JOSH BILLINGS.

x.x.xVIII.

HARTES.

Sum hartes is trumps.

The little child's harte has a host ov shaddery things in it, fairy ghostesses, in the distanse, without mutch form,--in the fore-ground, tops, and marbles, rag dolls, and sweet whissels; christmas, with the little old esquire in his tights, and frisky span, loaded with wares for a baby market; dreams without enny meaning, little jelosys, little hopes and curious fears,--strange invoice, but life's capital, in which sleep giants and pigmys, happiness and misery.

Life's capital! which can't be increased, but which may aul be lost.

The little child's harte! look down into it, it is like the vault ov a wild-flower; apparently tenantless but full ov little sekrets, sekrets--unknown tew itself,--sekrets worth knowing,--life's capital.

Sweet little vault whare G.o.d has locked up creation's destiny.

x.x.xIX.

MONOGRAFFS.

The happy man iz alwus marrid or expekts tew be.

He don't beleaf in ghosts or ghostesses, nor raleroad acksidence before they occur.

He lives upon milk, and pays az he goes.

He luvs evry boddy, and but fu luv him.

He laffs when he gits wet, and only takes pills tew pleaze other folks.

Like the birds, he waz born happy, and like them he seems tew enjoy it.

The world calls him almost a phool, but his happy ness iz worth more, and cost less than wisdum.