The Wave: An Egyptian Aftermath Part 8

Though outwardly nothing of moment seemed to fill his days, inwardly he was aware of big events--maturing. There was this sense of approach, of preparation, of gathering. How insipid external events were after all, compared to the ma.s.s, the importance of interior changes! A change of heart, an altered point of view, a decision taken--these were the big events of life.

Yet it was a pleasant thing to be a senior partner. Here by the quiet lake, stroking himself complacently, he felt that life was very active, very significant, as he wondered what the choice would be. He rather hoped for Egypt, on the whole. He could look up Tony and the birds.

They could go after duck and snipe together along the Nile. He would, moreover, be quite an important man out there. Pride and vanity rose in him, but un.o.bserved. For the Wave was in this too.

One afternoon, late, he returned from a long scramble among icy rocks about the Dent de Jaman, changed his clothes, and sat with a cigarette beside the open window, watching the throng of people underneath.

In a steady stream they moved along the front of the lake, their voices rising through the air, their feet producing a dull murmur as of water.

The lake was still as gla.s.s; gulls asleep on it in patches, and here and there a swan, looking like a bundle of dry white paper, floated idly.

Off-sh.o.r.e lay several fis.h.i.+ng-boats, becalmed; and far beyond them, a rowing-skiff broke the surface into two lines of widening ripples.

They seemed floating in mid-air against the evening glow. The Savoy Alps formed a deep blue rampart, and the serrated battlements of the Dent du Midi, full in the blaze of sunset, blocked the Rhone Valley far away with its formidable barricade.

He watched the glow of approaching sunset with keen enjoyment; he sat back, listening to the people's voices, the gentle lap of the little waves; and the pleasant la.s.situde that follows upon hard physical exertion combined with the even pleasanter stimulus of the tea to produce a state of absolute contentment with the world. . . .

Through the murmur of feet and voices, then, and from far across the water, stole out another sound that introduced into his peaceful mood an element of vague disquiet. He moved nearer to the window and looked out.

The steamer, however, was invisible; the sea of s.h.i.+ning haze towards Geneva hid it still; he could not see its outline. But he heard the echoless mutter of the paddle-wheels, and he knew that it was coming nearer. Yet at first it did not disturb him so much as that, for a moment, he heard no other sound: the voices, the tread of feet, the screaming of the gulls all died away, leaving this single, distant beating audible alone--as though the entire scenery combined to utter it.

And, though no ordinary echo answered it, there seemed--or did he fancy it?--a faint, interior response within himself. The blood in his veins went pulsing in rhythmic unison with this remote hammering upon the water.

He leaned forward in his chair, watching the people, listening intently, almost as though he expected something to happen, when immediately below him chance left a temporary gap in the stream of pedestrians, and in this gap--for a second merely--a figure stood sharply defined, cut off from the throng, set by itself, alone. His eyes fixed instantly upon its appearance, movements, att.i.tude. Before he could think or reason he heard himself exclaim aloud:

'Why--it's----'

He stopped. The rest of the sentence remained unspoken. The words rushed down again. He swallowed, and with a gulp he ended--as though the other pedestrians all were men--'----a woman!'

The next thing he knew was that the cigarette was burning his fingers--had been burning them for several seconds. The figure melted back into the crowd. The throng closed round her. His eyes searched uselessly; no s.p.a.ce, no gap was visible; the stream of people was continuous once more.

Almost, it seemed, he had not really seen her--had merely thought her--up against the background of his mind.

For ten minutes, longer perhaps, he sat by that open window with eyes fastened on the moving crowd. His heart was beating oddly; his breath came rapidly. 'She'll pa.s.s by presently again,' he thought; 'she'll come back!' He looked alternately to the right and to the left, until, finally, the sinking sun blazed too directly in his eyes for him to see at all. The glare blurred everybody into a smudged line of golden colour, and the faces became a series of artificial suns that mocked him.

He did, then, an unusual thing--out of rhythm with his normal self,--he acted on impulse. Kicking his slippers off, he quickly put on a pair of boots, took his hat and stick, and went downstairs. There was no reflection in him; he did not pause and ask himself a single question; he ran to join the throng of people, moved up and down with them, in and out, pa.s.sing and re-pa.s.sing the same groups over and over again, but seeing no sign of the particular figure he sought so eagerly. She was dressed in black, he knew, with a black fur boa round her neck; she was slim and rather tall; more than that he could not say. But the poise and att.i.tude, the way the head sat on the shoulders, the tilt upwards of the chin--he was as positive of recognising these as if he had seen her close instead of a hundred yards away.

The sun was down behind the Jura Mountains before he gave up the search.

Sunset slipped insensibly into dusk. The throng thinned out quickly at the first sign of chill. A dozen times he experienced the thrill--his heart suddenly arrested--of seeing her, but on each occasion it proved to be some one else. Every second woman seemed to be dressed in black that afternoon, a loose black boa round the neck. His eyes ached with the strain, the change of focus, the question that burned behind and in them, the joy--the strange rich pain.

But half, at least, of these dull people, he renumbered, were birds of pa.s.sage only; to-morrow or the next day they would take the train.

He said to himself a dozen times, 'Once more to the end and back again!'

For she, too, might be a bird of pa.s.sage, leaving to-morrow or the next day, leaving that very night, perhaps. The thought afflicted, goaded him.

And on getting back to the hotel he searched the _Liste des Etrangers_ as eagerly as he had searched the crowded front--and as uselessly, since he did not even know what name he hoped to find.

But later that evening a change came over him. He surprised some sense of humour: catching it in the act, he also surprised himself a little-- smiling at himself. The laughter, however, was significant. For it was just that restless interval after dinner when he knew not what to do with the hours until bedtime: whether to sit in his room and think and read, or to visit the princ.i.p.al hotels in the hope of chance discovery. He was even considering this wild-goose chase to himself, when suddenly he realised that his course of procedure was entirely the wrong one.

This thing was going to happen anyhow, it was inevitable; but--it would happen in its own time and way, and nothing he might do could hurry it.

To hunt in this violent manner was to delay its coming. To behave as usual was the proper way. It was then he smiled.

He crossed the hall instead, and put his head in at the door of the little Lounge. Some Polish people, with whom he had a bowing acquaintance, were in there smoking. He had seen them enter, and the Lounge was so small that he could hardly sit in their presence without some effort at conversation. And, feeling in no mood for this, he put his head past the edge of the gla.s.s door, glanced round carelessly as though looking for some one--then drew sharply back. For his heart stopped dead an instant, then beat furiously, like a piston suddenly released. On the sofa, talking calmly to the Polish people, was--the figure. He recognised her instantly.

Her back was turned; he did not see her face. There was a vast excitement in him that seemed beyond control. He seemed unable to make up his mind.

He walked round and round the little hall examining intently the notices upon the walls. The excitement grew into tumult, as though the meeting involved something of immense importance to his inmost self--his soul.

It was difficult to account for. Then a voice behind him said, 'There is a concert to-night. Radwan is playing Chopin. There are tickets in the Bureau still--if Monsieur cares to go.' He thanked the speaker without turning to show his face: while another voice said pa.s.sionately within him, 'I was wrong; she is slim, but she is not so tall as I thought.'

And a minute later, without remembering how he got there, he was in his room upstairs, the door shut safely after him, standing before the mirror and staring into his own eyes. Apparently the instinct to see what he looked like operated automatically. For he now remembered--realised-- another thing. Facing the door of the Lounge was a mirror, and their eyes had met. He had gazed for an instant straight into the kind and beautiful Eyes he had first seen twenty years ago--in the Wave.

His behaviour then became more normal. He did the little, obvious things that any man would do. He took a clothes-brush and brushed his coat; he pulled his waistcoat down, straightened his black tie, and smoothed his hair, poked his hanging watch-chain back into its pocket. Then, drawing a deep breath and compressing his lips, he opened the door and went downstairs. He even remembered to turn off the electric light according to hotel instructions. 'It's perfectly all right,' he thought, as he reached the top of the stairs. 'Why shouldn't I? There's nothing unusual about it.' He did not take the lift, he preferred action. Reaching the _salon_ floor, he heard voices in the hall below. She was already leaving therefore, the brief visit over. He quickened his pace. There was not the slightest notion in him what he meant to say. It merely struck him that--idiotically--he had stayed longer in his bedroom than he realised; too long; he might have missed his chance. The thought urged him forward more rapidly again.

In the hall--he seemed to be there without any interval of time--he saw her going out; the swinging doors were closing just behind her.

The Polish friends, having said good-bye, were already rising past him in the lift. A minute later he was in the street. He realised that, because he felt the cool night air upon his cheeks. He was beside her--looking down into her face.

'May I see you back--home--to your hotel?' he heard himself saying.

And then the queer voice--it must have been his own--added abruptly, as though it was all he really had to say: 'You haven't forgotten me really.

I'm Tommy--Tom Kelverdon.'

Her reply, her gesture, what she did and showed of herself in a word, was as queer as in a dream, yet so natural that it simply could not have been otherwise: 'Tom Kelverdon! So it is! Fancy--_you_ being here!'

Then: 'Thank you very much. And suppose we walk; it's only a few minutes--and quite dry.'

How trivial and commonplace, yet how wonderful!

He remembers that she said something to a coachman who immediately drove off, that she moved beside him on this Montreux pavement, that they went up-hill a little, and that, very soon, a brilliant door of gla.s.s blazed in front of them, that she had said, 'How strange that we should meet again like this. Do come and see me--any day--just telephone. I'm staying some weeks probably,'--and he found himself standing in the middle of the road, then walking wildly at a rapid pace downhill, he knew not whither, that he was hot and breathless, that stars were s.h.i.+ning, and swans, like bundles of white newspaper, were asleep on the lake, and--that he had found her.

He had walked and talked with Lettice. He b.u.mped into more than one irate pedestrian before he realised it; they knew it better than he did, apparently. 'It was Lettice Aylmer, Lettice . . .' he kept saying to himself. 'I've found her. She shook hands with me. That was her voice, her touch, her perfume. She's here--here in little Montreux--for several weeks. After all these years! Can it be true--really true at last?

She said I might telephone--might go and see her. She's glad to see me-- again.'

How often he paced the entire length of the deserted front beside the lake he did not count: it must have been many times, for the hotel door, which closed at midnight, was locked and the night-porter let him in. He went to bed--if there was rose in the eastern sky and upon the summits of the Dent du Midi, he did not notice it. He dropped into a half-sleep in which thought continued but not wearingly. The excitement of his nerves relaxed, soothed and mothered by something far greater than his senses, stronger than his rus.h.i.+ng blood. This greater Rhythm took charge of him most comfortably. He fell back into the mighty arms of something that was rising irresistibly--something inevitable and--half-familiar. It had long been gathering; there was no need to ask a thousand questions, no need to fight it anywhere. From the moment when he glanced idly into the Lounge he had been aware of it. It had driven him downstairs without reflection, as it had driven him also uphill till the blazing door was reached.

He smelt it, heard it, saw it, touched it. It was the Wave.

Time certainly proved its unreality that night; the hours seemed both endless and absurdly brief. His mind flew round and round in a circle, lingering over every detail of the short interview with a tumultuous pleasure that hid pain very thinly. He felt afraid, felt himself on the brink of plunging headlong into a gigantic whirlpool. Yet he wanted to plunge. . . . He would. . . . He had to. . . . It was irresistible.

He reviewed the scene, holding each detail forcibly still, until the last delight had been sucked out of it. At first he remembered next to nothing--a blur, a haze, the houses flying past him, no feeling of pavement under his feet, but only her voice saying nothing in particular, her touch, as he sometimes drew involuntarily against her arm, her eyes s.h.i.+ning up at him. For her eyes remained the chief impression perhaps--so kind, so true, so very sweet and frank--soft Irish eyes with something mysterious and semi-eastern in them. The conversation seemed to have entirely escaped recovery.

Then, one by one, he remembered things that she had said. Sentences offered themselves of their own accord. He flung himself upon them, trying to keep tight hold of their first meaning--before he filled them with significance of his own. It was a desperate business altogether; emotion distorted her simple words so quickly. 'I was thinking of you only to-day. I had the feeling you were here. Curious, wasn't it?'

He distinctly remembered her saying this. And then another sentence: 'I should have known you anywhere; though, of course, you've changed a lot. But I knew your eyes. Eyes don't change much, do they?'

The meanings he read into these simple phrases filled an hour at least; he lost entirely their simple first significance. But this last remark brought up another in its train. As the tram went past them she had raised her voice a little and looked up into his face--it was just then they had cannonaded. People who like one another always cannonade, he reflected. And her remark--'Ah, it comes back to me. You're so very like your sister Mary. I've seen her several times since the days in Cavendish Square. There's a strong family likeness.'

He disliked the last part of the sentence. Mary, besides, had mentioned nothing; her rare letters made no reference to it. The schooldays'

friends.h.i.+p had evaporated perhaps. This sent his thoughts back upon the early trail of those distant months when Lettice was at a Finis.h.i.+ng School in France and he had kept that tragic Calendar. . . .

Another sentence interrupted them: 'I had, oddly enough, been thinking of you this very afternoon. I knew you the moment you put your head in at the door, but, for the life of me, I couldn't get the name. All I got was 'Tommy'!' And only his sense of humour prevented the obvious rejoinder, 'I wish you would always call me that.' It struck him sharply. Such talk could have no part in a meeting of this kind; the idea of flirtation was impossible, not even thought of. Yet twice she had said, 'I was thinking of you only to-day!'

But other things came back as well. It was strange how much they had really said to each other in those few brief minutes. Next day he retraced the way and discovered that, even walking quickly, it took him a good half hour; yet they had walked slowly, even leisurely. But, try as he would, he was unable to force deeper meanings into these other remarks that he recalled. She was evidently pleased to see him, that at least was certain, for she had asked him to come and see her, and she meant it.

He remembered his reply, 'I'll come to-morrow--may I?' and then abruptly realised for the first time that the plunge was taken. He felt himself committed, sink or swim. The Wave already had lifted him off his feet.

And it was on this his whirling thoughts came down to rest at last, and sleep crept over him--just as dawn was breaking. He felt himself in the 'sea' with Lettice, there was nothing he could do, no course to choose, no decision to be made. Though married, she was somehow free--he felt it in her att.i.tude. That sense of fatalism known in boyhood took charge of him.

The Wave was rising towards the moment when it must invariably break and fall, and every impulse in him rising in it without a shade of denial or resistance. It would hurt--the fall and break would cause atrocious pain.

But it was somewhere necessary to him. No atom of him held back or hesitated. For there was joy beyond it somehow--an intense and lasting joy, like the joy that belongs to growth and development after accepted suffering.

Vaguely--not put into definite words--it was this he felt, when at length sleep took him. Yet just before he slept he remembered two other little details, and smiled to himself as they rose before his sleepy mind, yet not understanding exactly why he smiled: for he did not yet know her name--and there was, of course, a husband.

CHAPTER IX

This resumption of a childhood's acquaintance that, by one at least, had been imaginatively coaxed into a relations.h.i.+p of ideal character, at once took on a standing of its own. It started as from a new beginning.