Doublecrossed Part 19

"But..." Callie led again when Regan stopped talking.

"But...it's too late. It shouldn't have taken my breaking up with her to motivate her to do something that I truly believed would have helped us be happier." She looked so earnest and hurt that Callie felt her eyes well up with tears. "If I'm important to her now, I should have been important to her then."

Squeezing her arm, Callie said, "I'm sure you were always important to her. Maybe she didn't realize how bad things were. Some people aren't very psychologically aware."

"Yeah, I know that." Regan had her hands in her pockets, and she was walking with her head down, an unusual posture for her. "I might have been able to forgive her for a one time slip, even though that would have been very hard. But to know she was cheating for over a year?" She made a slicing motion across her throat. "That's the death sentence."

"Do you think this was mostly about s.e.x for her?"

"Yeah." Regan nodded. "I'm sure of that. We were happy together, Callie. Really happy. The only thing we didn't have was a good s.e.x life."

"Wasn't that important to you?" Callie asked, a little afraid of the answer.

Regan thought for a moment. "Yes," she said carefully. "s.e.x is important. But it's not the top thing on my list. It's not in the top five, to be honest."

"Mmm." It was in her top two, and she wasn't even sure what its compet.i.tion was. Regan couldn't have been the one who didn't have the goods when it came to s.e.x. That had to have been Angela. Maybe they'd never been compatible s.e.xually and neither one had known how to get closer. It had to be that. A woman as warm and tactile as Regan had to be a good lover. She just had to be.

Chapter Seventeen.

Even though Regan said she was determined to reclaim Cambridge, Callie didn't see any of her usual sparkle at dinner. Despite going to one of her favorite restaurants, Regan picked at her food and their conversation wasn't the usual fast-paced tennis-match that Callie had grown to love.

It was after eleven when they got back to their swap and Regan immediately went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. They'd had all of the windows open as well as the window air conditioner on, and now the place smelled relatively normal. Callie closed the windows in the living room, leaving the air conditioner on since she knew Regan liked a cool room to sleep in.

They switched places when Regan was finished in the bathroom and a few minutes later Callie emerged to find Regan in bed, her hands laced behind her head, knees tenting the sheet. She didn't seem to notice when Callie slipped into bed, but a few moments later she turned to her and said, "I'm really sad."

The sorrow in her beautiful eyes made Callie's heart ache. Instinctively, she opened her arms and Regan burrowed into her embrace like a child. They lay there for a long time, thoughts drifting in and out like the breeze of the air conditioner ruffling the curtains. The question had been rumbling around in her head, but it slipped out with no warning. She heard herself ask, "What's more important than s.e.x?"

"What?" Regan's voice was m.u.f.fled because she was pressed against Callie's t-s.h.i.+rt.

It was too late to turn back. Acting like the question was just a continuation of an earlier conversation was the only thing that made sense. "You said that s.e.x wasn't in your top five things. What is?"

"Hmm." Regan pulled away and rolled onto her back. She was quiet for a while, clearly thinking. "I'm not sure in general. But I can tell you what I loved best about Angela."

"I'm interested." And that was the truth. Right then it was immeasurably important to know what was most important to Regan.

"Okay. I...uhm..." She cleared her throat. "It's still hard to think about her. About the good side of her."

Callie reached over and put a hand on Regan's arm. "You don't have to..."

"No, it's okay. I think it's good to talk about her. It might help me get some stuff off my chest."

"Okay. But don't think you have to talk just for my sake."

"Gotcha." She was quiet for a time, then said, "She was generous. With her money and her time. Did you know we met when we both worked on a Habitat for Humanity project?"

"No. You've never said how you met."

Callie could see Regan's thin smile by the light of the moon. "We both volunteered on a project about halfway between my house and hers. She has a tough job and she travels a lot, but she still volunteers for things." She took a breath. "Not just doing stuff to make the company look good, either. None of that community service c.r.a.p a lot of people partic.i.p.ate in because their firms make them."

"Like Marina," Callie quietly said.

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

Callie touched her gently. "No need to apologize. I'm just speaking the truth."

"Okay. Well, she belonged to a church and she did a lot of stuff with them. Tutoring and things like that."

"Interesting. Are you religious?"

"No, that was her thing. It was good for her and kept her involved in her community. It was hard for her being a black woman in a white industry. Belonging to her church centered her."

"That's cool. Very cool."

"She's a good person," Regan said, her voice shaking again. "She was scrupulously honest-except for the cheating. The type of person who'd go back to a store if she found out they'd undercharged her."

"Wow. Marina would have called her friends to boast."

"No comment."

Callie patted her. "It's fine with me if you speak your mind about Marina. You can't think worse of her than I do."

"Don't count on that."

"Tell me more about Angela."

"'Kay. Uhm, I guess the things I liked best about her were her honesty and her work ethic and her desire to do the right thing. She was just...someone I looked up to."

"Do you think that had anything to do with why things didn't work well...s.e.xually?"

"Why would that be involved? Aren't you supposed to respect the person you love?"

"Well, yeah, but maybe you weren't on the same level, you know?"

"No, I don't. No idea."

"I'm not sure if this is nonsense, but the best s.e.x I had was with Marina and I didn't respect her much. Maybe hot s.e.x goes with...I don't know...not caring too much? Does that sound crazy?"

Regan didn't say anything for a while, but when she did her voice was soft and low. "I'd rather love a good person I wasn't into s.e.xually than have great s.e.x with a bad one. Maybe you've got a point, but I hope you can have s.e.x and love and respect for someone. If you can't, I know which one I'd give up."

Callie didn't say another word. She felt like she'd revealed too much. If Regan felt so strongly about being with a good person what would she think of having killer s.e.x with a dirtbag like Marina? But after just a minute or two Regan curled up against her again. Callie held her tightly, occasionally stroking her hair or back and, after just a few minutes, she felt Regan not only relax, but fall asleep. Callie continued to touch her gently, sharing in Regan's sorrow even as she slept. She held her for a long time, savoring this chance to caress the woman she was falling for. But she didn't feel a s.e.xual charge, even though their bodies were nearly entwined. Regan needed a friend tonight, and that was a role that Callie relished as much as she did the newly discovered s.e.xual pull, and it was a role she would never violate.

The next morning Regan was staring at Callie when her eyes first opened. She jerked awake. "You scared me!"

"It's because we're about three inches apart in this little bed." She backed up as much as she could. "Better?"

"It wasn't how close you were. It was those big blue eyes locked on me. You look happy this morning. Are you always this alert when you wake up?"

"No. But I have something planned and I wanna get going."

Ca.s.sie slapped at her lightly. "Then wake me up!"

"I did. By staring at you." She adopted a dramatic, creepy tone. "The intensity of my gaze burned right through your eyelids."

"I think it might have." Callie sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What are we doing?"

"We're sitting in bed, not progressing."

"Fine." Callie stood up and headed for the bathroom. "You could have showered first and then we'd be ready sooner."

"Now you tell me!" Regan called out to Callie's laughter. "Where were you when I needed you?"

They both hustled to get ready and were soon in line at a local coffee bar. Regan said, "I made reservations for something cool, but it's kind of expensive."

"Under five hundred dollars?"

Gasping, Regan said, "Of course!"

"Then I'm fine. I haven't had to spend much money this week. I've got five hundred dollars left in my budget for the trip and it's burning a hole in my pocket."

"This will take less than twenty percent of your bankroll." She chuckled. "Roll. That's appropriate."

"Are you gonna let me in on the joke?"

"Sure will. As soon as we get there, I'll tell you where we are."

Callie gently pulled Regan's ponytail. "I'm glad. I like surprises."

With a tender expression that somehow let Callie see into her soul, Regan said, "I wouldn't do them if you didn't like them." Then Callie turned to look at the pastries, so that Regan wouldn't see the longing in her eyes.

An hour later, they were tooling around the Freedom Trail on a Segway tour. Callie had heard of Segways, but she'd never seen one. Nevertheless, she loved the experience and she kept sidling up to Regan and saying, "Thank you for this. It's outstanding!" before she'd dart away, giggling.

At 1:35 p.m. the first pitch was thrown at what Callie hoped would be the first of many games she'd see at Fenway Park. The day was warm and clear, the fans were incredibly enthusiastic, the game was a complete sellout, and the Red Sox won with a walk-off homer in the ninth inning.

As they filed out of the stadium, Regan said, "Would you like to go to the second best sports bar in the country?"

"Uhm, okay, but why don't we go to the best one?"

"I have no idea where that is. I just know this one claims it's the second-best. And the beers are a third the price they are in the stadium."

"I should hope so! I don't usually pay that much for dinner! I made that one beer last six innings. It was warm, but they weren't gonna get that kinda money off me twice."

The bar was just around the corner and it seemed like most of the fans were heading there. "This place gets really crowded, but it's a lot of fun."

"I like fun. And I like crowded bars. Remember how crowded the place in Provincetown was?"

Regan grasped her arm and pulled her to stop, making hundreds of people veer around them. "Would you rather go to a lesbian bar?"

Callie guided Regan to stand behind a light pole, giving them some breathing room from the crush of people streaming by. "A sports bar is great. It's like a doubleheader."

"Are you sure? You seemed to really enjoy the place in Provincetown."

"I did. But that was then and this is now. Now we're in a baseball mood."

Regan took her by the elbow and started to walk towards the bar. "If you're sure."

"I'm positive." They put their heads down and fought like a pair of salmon to get in the door, but they finally managed.

Regan went towards the bar and returned a mere twenty minutes later with four beers. "Drink up," she said, grinning slyly. "Next time, you're buying. Then we can compare notes on how many people put their hands on your a.s.s."

Callie had just gotten back from her turn to buy and she declared, "One guy rubbed his shoulder against my b.o.o.b, and another one blatantly put his hand on my b.u.t.t while leering at me. Not too bad." She chuckled, shaking her head. "Some guys turn into predators when they get into a place like this. Women are a little more subtle."

Regan winced. "That's why I thought you might prefer a lesbian bar. That and the other thing," she added, grinning.

"What other thing?"

"Chasing girls. You seem to be really good at it."

Callie let out a squawk of dissent. "I've never chased a woman or a man. I don't do that."

Regan laughed at her reply. "I saw you with six or seven different women in P'town. Not to mention the one you were playing tonsil hockey with."

Looking haughty, Callie said, "I didn't ask one person to dance. I never do. And I didn't kiss her, she kissed me. She pulled me onto her lap, not the other way around."

"Oh, I see. You just flash those dimples and women chase you. I can see how that would happen. You're too cute to ignore."

"I'm not exactly shy, but I've never had the nerve to put myself out there. I just wait for an invitation." She smiled sweetly, her devilish side showing through.

Regan tried not to stare, but it wasn't easy. Those dimples could make a grown woman weep. And when that smile flashed and those white teeth gleamed, it was enthralling. Where had the glum mood gone? Impossible to say, but no one could stay in a bad mood when Callie was around. Lying in her arms the night before had miraculously made the day dawn brighter and sweeter. How could that be? It must be the aura she gave off. Calming and nurturing but also playful and almost giddy. What a double play.

It was late when they finally stumbled into their swap. Neither knew where the light switch was, and they fumbled and b.u.mped into each other for a few minutes, giggling the whole time. Regan tried to flip Callie's nose to get the light on and Callie stood in the center of the room and clapped loudly, several times, before grumbling, "The Clapper is a wonderful addition to any home. We should leave one as a gift."

Regan finally located the switch on a tiny bit of wall between two door frames. When the bright, unflattering light clicked on, she immediately shut it off. "Whoa! This is why lighting in bars is always soft and flattering."

"Hey! Was that intended for me?"

Regan switched it on again. "Of course not. But it's harsh and it hurts my eyes. I'm gonna find some candles." She hunted around the place, finding a pair of poorly used pillars. "Some people don't know how to use a candle properly," she muttered, before lighting both and setting them on the breakfast bar. When she turned off the overhead lights, she sighed with pleasure. "That's better."

The dim light did make the place look much nicer and it cast a golden glow on Callie's features that Regan found impossible to ignore. She slapped her hands on the bar to snap herself out of her musings. "One more for the road." She went to the refrigerator and pulled two beers out, handing one to Callie. "Are you woman enough?"

Taking the challenge, Callie twisted the top off and slugged down a healthy amount. Regan matched her, holding the bottle to her lips and letting it drain for a few glugs.

"Well played. You, my friend, know how to pound the brewskis."