Pierre; or The Ambiguities Part 38

Then a timid little rap was heard at the door.

"Pierre, Pierre; now that thou art risen, may I not come in--just for a moment, Pierre."

"Come in, Isabel."

She was approaching him in her wonted most strange and sweetly mournful manner, when he retreated a step from her, and held out his arm, not seemingly to invite, but rather as if to warn.

She looked fixedly in his face, and stood rooted.

"Isabel, another is coming to me. Thou dost not speak, Isabel. She is coming to dwell with us so long as we live, Isabel. Wilt thou not speak?"

The girl still stood rooted; the eyes, which she had first fixed on him, still remained wide-openly riveted.

"Wilt thou not speak, Isabel?" said Pierre, terrified at her frozen, immovable aspect, yet too terrified to manifest his own terror to her; and still coming slowly near her. She slightly raised one arm, as if to grasp some support; then turned her head slowly sideways toward the door by which she had entered; then her dry lips slowly parted--"My bed; lay me; lay me!"

The verbal effort broke her stiffening enchantment of frost; her thawed form sloped sidelong into the air; but Pierre caught her, and bore her into her own chamber, and laid her there on the bed.

"Fan me; fan me!"

He fanned the fainting flame of her life; by-and-by she turned slowly toward him.

"Oh! that feminine word from thy mouth, dear Pierre:--that _she_, that _she_!"

Pierre sat silent, fanning her.

"Oh, I want none in the world but thee, my brother--but thee, but thee!

and, oh G.o.d! am _I_ not enough for thee? Bare earth with my brother were all heaven for me; but all my life, all my full soul, contents not my brother."

Pierre spoke not; he but listened; a terrible, burning curiosity was in him, that made him as heartless. But still all that she had said thus far was ambiguous.

"Had I known--had I but known it before! Oh bitterly cruel to reveal it now. That _she_! That _she_!"

She raised herself suddenly, and almost fiercely confronted him.

"Either thou hast told thy secret, or she is not worthy the commonest love of man! Speak Pierre,--which?"

"The secret is still a secret, Isabel."

"Then is she worthless, Pierre, whoever she be--foolishly, madly fond!--Doth not the world know me for thy wife?--She shall not come!

'Twere a foul blot on thee and me. She shall not come! One look from me shall murder her, Pierre!"

"This is madness, Isabel. Look: now reason with me. Did I not before opening the letter, say to thee, that doubtless it was from some pretty young aunt or cousin?"

"Speak quick!--a cousin?"

"A cousin, Isabel."

"Yet, yet, that is not wholly out of the degree, I have heard. Tell me more, and quicker! more! more!"

"A very strange cousin, Isabel; almost a nun in her notions. Hearing of our mysterious exile, she, without knowing the cause, hath yet as mysteriously vowed herself ours--not so much mine, Isabel, as ours, _ours_--to serve _us_; and by some sweet heavenly fancying, to guide us and guard us here."

"Then, possibly, it may be all very well, Pierre, my brother--my _brother_--I can say that now?"

"Any,--all words are thine, Isabel; words and worlds with all their containings, shall be slaves to thee, Isabel."

She looked eagerly and inquiringly at him; then dropped her eyes, and touched his hand; then gazed again. "Speak so more to me, Pierre! Thou art my brother; art thou not my brother?--But tell me now more of--her; it is all newness, and utter strangeness to me, Pierre."

"I have said, my sweetest sister, that she has this wild, nun-like notion in her. She is willful in it; in this letter she vows she must and will come, and nothing on earth shall stay her. Do not have any sisterly jealousy, then, my sister. Thou wilt find her a most gentle, un.o.btrusive, ministering girl, Isabel. She will never name the not-to-be-named things to thee; nor hint of them; because she knows them not. Still, without knowing the secret, she yet hath the vague, unspecializing sensation of the secret--the mystical presentiment, somehow, of the secret. And her divineness hath drowned all womanly curiosity in her; so that she desires not, in any way, to verify the presentiment; content with the vague presentiment only; for in that, she thinks, the heavenly summons to come to us, lies;--even there, in that, Isabel. Dost thou now comprehend me?"

"I comprehend nothing, Pierre; there is nothing these eyes have ever looked upon, Pierre, that this soul comprehended. Ever, as now, do I go all a-grope amid the wide mysteriousness of things. Yes, she shall come; it is only one mystery the more. Doth she talk in her sleep, Pierre?

Would it be well, if I slept with her, my brother?"

"On thy account; wishful for thy sake; to leave thee incommoded; and--and--not knowing precisely how things really are;--she probably antic.i.p.ates and desires otherwise, my sister."

She gazed steadfastly at his outwardly firm, but not interiorly unfaltering aspect; and then dropped her glance in silence.

"Yes, she shall come, my brother; she shall come. But it weaves its thread into the general riddle, my brother.--Hath she that which they call the memory, Pierre; the memory? Hath she that?"

"We all have the memory, my sister."

"Not all! not all!--poor Bell hath but very little. Pierre! I have seen her in some dream. She is fair-haired--blue eyes--she is not quite so tall as I, yet a very little slighter."

Pierre started. "Thou hast seen Lucy Tartan, at Saddle Meadows?"

"Is Lucy Tartan the name?--Perhaps, perhaps;--but also, in the dream, Pierre; she came, with her blue eyes turned beseechingly on me; she seemed as if persuading me from thee;--methought she was then more than thy cousin;--methought she was that good angel, which some say, hovers over every human soul; and methought--oh, methought that I was thy other,--thy other angel, Pierre. Look: see these eyes,--this hair--nay, this cheek;--all dark, dark, dark,--and she--the blue-eyed--the fair-haired--oh, once the red-cheeked!"

She tossed her ebon tresses over her; she fixed her ebon eyes on him.

"Say, Pierre; doth not a funerealness invest me? Was ever hea.r.s.e so plumed?--Oh, G.o.d! that I had been born with blue eyes, and fair hair!

Those make the livery of heaven! Heard ye ever yet of a good angel with dark eyes, Pierre?--no, no, no--all blue, blue, blue--heaven's own blue--the clear, vivid, unspeakable blue, which we see in June skies, when all clouds are swept by.--But the good angel shall come to thee, Pierre. Then both will be close by thee, my brother; and thou mayest perhaps elect,--elect!--She shall come; she shall come.--When is it to be, dear Pierre?"

"To-morrow, Isabel. So it is here written."

She fixed her eye on the crumpled billet in his hand. "It were vile to ask, but not wrong to suppose the asking.--Pierre,--no, I need not say it,--wouldst thou?"

"No; I would not let thee read it, my sister; I would not; because I have no right to--no right--no right;--that is it; no: I have no right.

I will burn it this instant, Isabel."

He stepped from her into the adjoining room; threw the billet into the stove, and watching its last ashes, returned to Isabel.

She looked with endless intimations upon him.

"It is burnt, but not consumed; it is gone, but not lost. Through stove, pipe, and flue, it hath mounted in flame, and gone as a scroll to heaven! It shall appear again, my brother.--Woe is me--woe, woe!--woe is me, oh, woe! Do not speak to me, Pierre; leave me now. She shall come.

The Bad angel shall tend the Good; she shall dwell with us, Pierre.

Mistrust me not; her considerateness to me, shall be outdone by mine to her.--Let me be alone now, my brother."

IV.