Impetuous. Part 18

The sound was beautiful to his ears, so much like his old Carlie. He grinned at her, and to his besotted happiness, she actually grinned back. Then she shook her head and whispered for him to behave. He made no promises.

It quickly became a business meeting, just as Carlie had said. And surprisingly, Tyler enjoyed himself. He offered a lot of helpful input concerning the fundraiser, legal advice Carlie or Brad wouldn't have thought of, and some suggestions of his own which proved very sound.

Brad was clearly impressed with Tyler, and before they called it quits, he was behaving as if they were old friends. "Could I call on you at your office sometime to discuss any problems that might arise?"

Tyler felt smug, but he hid it behind a facade of graciousness. "Of course. Just tell me secretary I said it was fine. She's a real stickler about keeping out people without appointments."

Brad shook his hand. "I appreciate that. Well, I better be off. I'm sorry I can't stay and help with your project, but I'm running a little late."

"Think nothing of it." Tyler simply wanted him gone. "Carlie and I can muddle through."

"If you're sure, then?"

Carlie stood abruptly and went to the door, obviously tired of playing cat and mouse. "Thank you for coming by, Brad. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help."

She stood at the door, waiting until Brad had gotten into his car and driven away before closing it and facing Tyler.

He saw immediately that she was incensed. He forestalled her tirade by tossing out his own stack of papers. "I want to start a scholars.h.i.+p fund at your school."

Her mouth, already open to blast him, snapped shut.

"You could use it as you see fit. To pay for sports equipment, to help with school fees or lunches, or even to start special cla.s.ses. Whatever. I've been giving this some thought for a while now." He gave her a slightly sheepish look. "After our practices, I offered to help out a few of the parents who were having difficulties. It's a tough thing, trying to give a.s.sistance without making it look like charity. I sent papers to be typed up at one house, and then gave some plumbing business from our offices to another. But it wasn't enough. I didn't want to offend anyone, so I came up with the idea of a scholars.h.i.+p.

"Jason has agreed to pitch in, too, and I think some of the other businesses in the area will follow suit. It would be great publicity for their services. 'Caring for the community' and all that." He drew to a halt. "What do you think?"

Her expression blank, Carlie walked to the table where Tyler had tossed the doc.u.ments. She picked up the top sheet and scanned it. She looked staggered by the amount of his donation.

Raising her eyes to his, she whispered, "You're serious?"

"Of course. I have a contract ready. I hope you don't mind, but I left the distribution of my donation in your capable hands. As others come in, you could put them before a board of advisers if you want. But you already know the kids and their families so well, what they need and so forth, I thought you'd be perfect for the job."

Carlie was speechless. She stared at him.

"I think the contributing businesses would also agree to hire a few of the parents on a part-time basis. I know I always need papers transcribed and letters sent out. What do you-" He stopped mid-sentence. "Carlie? Is everything all right?"

She sat on the edge of the couch, his papers clutched in her hand, looking dumbfounded. "You're amazing, Tyler."

He actually felt himself blush. Gruffly, he said, "I'm just trying to help out. I have the money." He shrugged, dismissing her praise. "I wanted to surprise you."

Carlie laid her hand over his. "Thank you, Tyler. This means so much. I can already think of three families who will really benefit from this."

He grinned in satisfaction, retaining his hold on her hand. "There you go! Use it as you see fit. I'll see what I can do about getting some of the other businesses in on it. But in the meantime, if you need more money, let me know."

That did it. She looked near tears, overwhelmed with his generosity and goodness of spirit. And he felt not a single moment's guilt.

After all, he reasoned, he had donated the money. If the timing of his surprise seemed just a bit suspicious, it didn't matter. He needed all the help he could get.

Seeing her so obviously softened toward him, Tyler eased her into his arms. "You're not going to cry, are you? I can't abide watery women."

Pulling away as far as his arms would allow, Carlie gazed at him with a small smile. "I promise not to cry." But no sooner had she made that promise than she broke it, choking on a low sob.

Tyler shook his head. "So you really think I'm amazing?"

"I do."

The words were whispered with such sincerity, Tyler caught his breath. And then he smiled. "Excellent." His thoughts slowed to concentrate on one fact: he was with Carlie, and she still cared. But as he leaned toward her, she protested.

"Ah, Tyler, I didn't mean..."

"Shh. Kiss me again, Carlie."

"You kissed me! I didn't..."

"Don't argue semantics. I can think of better things to do." His tone was deep and suggestive as his arms slowly tightened around her.

With slightly narrowed eyes and a dangerously soft voice, she inquired, "Are you suggesting we have s.e.x?"

"I, ah, well, I suppose the thought had entered my mind." About a million times in the past hour, he silently added. But Carlie was suddenly looking so furious, he kept that little tidbit to himself.

"Because you donated money to needy children," she clarified, "you think I should sleep with you? That's despicable! How could you propose such a thing?"

Anger and frustration rushed through him, and he jumped to his feet. "All right, dammit! You don't like that proposition? Well, here's another one." He sucked in a deep breath. "Marry me."

CHAPTER ELEVEN.

Carlie stared at Tyler blankly. "Don't you think humor is a little misplaced at this point?"

"I..." He shut his mouth. Truth be told, he'd surprised himself as much as he had Carlie with that sudden command. Marry me. d.a.m.n, but it did seem the right thing to say at the right time.

He grinned. "I'm not joking. I want to marry you."

She eyed him warily. "Why?"

He gave her a mock frown of disapproval over her rude questioning. "You don't seem to know any more about accepting proposals than you did about dates. Let me instruct you. This is the part where you fall into my arms, tearfully showing your grat.i.tude and devotion, and shout a resounding, 'Yes!' You got all that?"

"Provided, of course, the answer would be yes?"

Tyler felt a moment's misgiving. "Don't toy with me, Carlie. I've never proposed to anyone in my life. I could have a major attack of insecurity here, if you're not careful." He hoped his teasing tone belied the truth behind his words. He felt almost sick with dread.

Carlie chewed her bottom lip and her eyes were dark with shadows. "Tyler, I don't want to get married. It's not just you. I don't want to marry anyone. Ever. I followed that route once, and as you know, it didn't go all that well."

Tyler sat beside her and took her hands in his. He needed to touch her, to make her understand. "It wouldn't be that way with me, Carlie. I'm not like him."

She went on, all brisk and businesslike. "Of course you're not. I told you, you're amazing. Kind and compa.s.sionate, and too attractive to be turned loose on polite society. But I value my independence. I don't intend to give it up."

It took him a minute to recover from her compliments. He was still beaming when the rest of what she'd said sank in. "I'm not asking you to give up anything."

She gave him a sardonic look. "Be honest, Tyler. Don't you think you'd start hounding me right away over how I dress? Or how I wear my hair?"

"Well," he hedged. She had a point. But a poor one. "You can't go on hiding the rest of your life, Carlie. You're a beautiful woman. That's something to be proud of. It's a part of you. And once we're married, there won't be any reason to look so shabby. I wouldn't let other men ogle you."

She tossed up her hands in exasperation. "There, you see? Not only are you changing me, but you'll be playing barbarian protector as well. I don't need a protector, Tyler."

"Not dressed like that you won't."

Carlie sighed, ignoring his provocation. "Please try to understand."

"I understand. You said you cared for me, but it wasn't exactly the truth." He stood, towering over her. He felt dejected, rejected and unbearably weary. He tweaked her chin, giving her a crooked smile. "You know something, honey? You're just a bit selfish."

Carlie raised an eyebrow at the criticism, but he continued.

"I've bent over backward, made all the concessions I can make, humiliated myself several times now trying to win you over. But you have a hard heart. I don't hold that against you. Considering your past, I suppose it's even expected. But d.a.m.ned if I know what else to do.

"It hurts, Carlie. It hurts to care so much about someone, and then have them turn you away again and again. I've been closer to you than I have to any other soul on earth, Jason included. And I was determined not to give up on you."

Carlie was staring down at her lap, and Tyler couldn't see her face. He decided it was just as well. He was spilling his guts, laying his heart on the table, and if she looked at him with pity, he might very well lose it. His tone was indifferent now, his expression impa.s.sive. "I can't do it anymore. You must be stronger than I am, because I can't take the rejections again. If you want to go on living in a coc.o.o.n, there's no way I can stop you. But I won't hang around indefinitely waiting for you to emerge, either."

She remained silent, and Tyler sighed in disgust. She wasn't making it any easier for him. "I won't be at the practice on Monday. I'll get Jason to fill in until you can find someone more permanent. Explain to the kids for me, if you will. And if you need any more money, let me know. You can leave a message with my secretary." He walked to the door and waited, but she didn't move. He nearly choked on his rage and frustration. d.a.m.n her, she had pulled him in, made him love her and now she didn't care.

He walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

Carlie waited on Monday, her stomach roiling, her head aching, her eyes burning. And true to his word, Tyler didn't come. She felt awful, even though she hadn't wanted to marry him, couldn't marry him. The idea was absurd.

So why had her heart threatened to burst when he'd proposed? And when he'd left, after such a touching speech, she'd felt like she was coming apart.

Oh G.o.d, she hurt.

Jason entered, dressed in an old college sweats.h.i.+rt and gym shorts that showed his hairy legs. He spared her a glance, then picked up a ball and began bouncing it. Carlie approached him.

"h.e.l.lo, Jason."

He inclined his head. "Carlie."

"I appreciate your filling in like this. On such short notice, I mean."

He looked at her. "Tyler needed me. I love him. He's my brother."

"I...I know." She hesitated, swallowing hard. Jason's mood was apparently not conducive to small talk. But she needed to know. "How is Tyler?"

Very casually, still bouncing the ball, Jason said, "Miserable. Thanks for asking."

Carlie flinched at his tone. "Jason, I never meant to-"

"Of course, you didn't. In your book, all men are jerks, right? Tyler certainly can't be any different."

She shook her head, then started to turn away. Jason held the ball. "Carlie? I'm sorry. It's not my place to..."

She didn't look at him. "It's okay, Jason. I understand."

"No. I don't think you do. But it's my opinion you never will, so I'm glad you broke things off with Tyler now, before he got even more involved. I'm the only person he's ever had care for him. His life hasn't exactly encouraged him to trust women. So when he does marry, I d.a.m.ned well want it to be to a woman who's capable of loving him. He deserves that much."

She was crushed by the hard words, but acknowledged the truth in them. Tyler did deserve the best. If only...

Oh, G.o.d. She really had done it this time. No matter how deep she buried the past, it always seemed to come back and torment her.

Or was she only tormenting herself?

After two weeks had pa.s.sed, Carlie knew it was time to face facts. She loved Tyler and always would. She missed him terribly, and with each day that went by, the feeling grew worse. When she was with him, she felt alive. Without him, she felt dull and drained.

She needed him, and even though she'd sworn never to need anyone again, she felt comforted by the admission. She no longer had to deny herself or her emotions. It wasn't a bad thing to need Tyler. He wouldn't take advantage of her feelings, wouldn't try to dominate her or weaken her to suit his own needs. She believed that. She trusted him.

But she had hurt him badly, and he might not forgive her.

Carlie knew she was too much the coward to call Tyler outright. She needed a reason for calling, and when more donations to the scholars.h.i.+p fund came in from various businesses, she decided that excuse would work well enough. She'd start out by thanking him, and work into telling him she loved him madly.

It was a bold plan, she thought, and would have worked, except that Tyler didn't answer the phone. She got a message saying he was out of the office for some time and all calls could be forwarded to Jason. When she tried him at home, his answering machine picked up. Concerned, she called Brenda.

What she discovered wasn't encouraging.

Tyler planned to take an extended vacation to Chicago, where he was considering joining a new firm. Jason, of course, was livid and blaming Carlie. Brenda was apologetic, but very upset by it all.

Carlie had a hard time breathing. She knew exactly what was happening. She'd done the same after her divorce. She'd tried to leave the pain behind.

She could have told Tyler it didn't work. Because right now, the pain was unbearable. Everything had gone wrong, and it was all her own fault. She was a miserable coward, and it was time she stopped hiding, just as Tyler had suggested.

She had to do something, and she had to do it now.

It was Jason who answered the door. Just the fact that Carlie was knocking at the front entrance, rather than entering through the kitchen, as usual, was indicative of her uneasiness. She had no idea if she'd be welcome, given the present situation. But Jason was polite. Painfully so. "h.e.l.lo, Carlie. Come in."

"Thanks. Ah, Tyler isn't here, is he?" Jason eyed her. "No. He's been avoiding us as much as you have."

Carlie flushed, but she refused to back down. "I'm sorry about that." She came in and Jason shut the door behind her. With her hands in her pockets, she looked around the room, "Is Bren around?"

"I'll get her for you. Make yourself at home."

It felt exceedingly odd for Jason to say such a thing. It had never been necessary before.

Brenda flew into the room, her eyes alight with expectation. "Carlie! I'm so glad to see you!"