Treading Water: Coming Home Part 21

"Most likely, but there are some bright sides to it."

"Like what?"

"First of all, there's nothing overtly dirty about the video. From the brief bit I saw, it's more sensual than p.o.r.nographic. She's not screaming at him to 'do me, do me harder' or anything like that."

"That's a real blessing."

"Hear me out. Her fans will be happy to know she's happy. There'll be a ton of interest in her and in them as a couple. If you spin it the right way, it could turn out to be really good for her career."

Jill shook her head. "I know you're trying to make me feel better-"

"Right now, I'm talking to you as a fellow entertainment attorney, not as your lover."

His use of the word "lover" made her face flush with color, which pleased him greatly. "I've been around this business a long time, babe-a lot longer than you have. I grew up with Buddy Longstreet as my G.o.dfather. I was in the wedding party when he married Taylor Jones. I was weaned on country music. I promise you that once the dust settles, she'll be bigger than ever, especially if she's self-deprecating about the video. A couple of interviews with the right reporters, and she'll be back on top. She should play it off as a big "oops." Vacation brain. That kind of thing. Her fans will be outraged by the violation of her privacy rather than disgusted by the video."

She bit her lip as she thought about what he'd said. "You really think so?"

"I know so, but you have to act fast. Get her out ahead of the story before it spins any further out of control."

"Why are you giving me this advice when you hate her so much?"

"Aw jeez, Jill. I never hated her. I hated her and my dad as a couple, because of the age difference. But mostly because, for a very brief time, I thought I wanted her for myself, though I can see now it never would've worked between us."

Her eyes flashed with anger. At least they weren't dull or flat anymore. "Well, that's good to know. You l.u.s.ted after my sister. What am I? Second best?" She started to walk away, but he reached for her arm to stop her.

"Cut it out. I had a minor crush on her ten years ago. What I have on you is a major, all-consuming crush. No comparison." With his arms around her, he brought her in close to him. "And the reason I'm giving you this advice is because I want to help you. Not her. You."

"By helping me, you're helping her."

He shrugged, amused by her logic even if he didn't let her see that. "By-product."

She surprised him when she reached up to hook a hand around his neck to bring him down for a kiss that blew the top off his head. "It's good advice," she said many minutes of vigorous tongue activity later. "No, it's great advice. Thank you."

"If you're going to kiss me like that, I'll give you advice any time you need it-free of charge."

Her smile lit up her face and his world. And then he remembered he'd told her he loved her right before Buddy called earlier, and she hadn't returned the sentiment. "Jill-"

She tugged on his arm. "Let's go. I have a lot to do."

This wasn't the time to push her. She had too many other things on her mind. But soon, he decided. Soon he'd get her to admit she felt the same way about him, and they'd make a plan for a life together.

Kate had no idea where she was when she woke up alone in a dark room. And then it all came rus.h.i.+ng back to her. The video. The scandal. The move to Desi's house. Reid's guilt. The sick feeling in her stomach when she thought of strangers watching her have s.e.x.

After all the years of rumor and innuendo, she'd finally given them something to sink their teeth into. She could only imagine what was being said about her on the entertainment websites, the magazines, the TV shows. The thought of it made her shudder with revulsion.

Tears flooded her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She'd been so happy to be back with Reid, so caught up in the magic and the moment and the seclusion of the island that she'd let down her guard. Now she would pay for that mightily. As it occurred to her that Buddy's record company might dump her, her stomach began to ache.

And as quickly as she had that thought, she realized she didn't care anymore. Let them dump her. Let them turn her into a pariah in the business. Let them say whatever the h.e.l.l they wanted about her. She'd worked her a.s.s off for years. She'd sacrificed everything for this almighty career. She had five brothers who barely knew her, and until recently, she'd gone to bed every night alone.

For what? Another gold record? Another million in the bank? She had a wall full of gold and platinum, more millions in the bank than she could spend in a lifetime and very little else to show for all the hard work.

Enough was enough.

Filled with a new sense of purpose, she sat up and wiped the tears from her face. She'd be d.a.m.ned if she would shed another tear over her almighty career. Screw that. After a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up, she went to find Reid.

He was standing on the deck, staring intently into the darkness. In the distance, Kate could hear the cras.h.i.+ng of waves against the sh.o.r.e. The familiar sound-the sound of home-brought comfort and resolution as she stepped onto the porch.

He startled when she slipped her arms around him from behind. "Oh hey, you're up."

"Sorry to conk out on you like that."

His hands covered hers at his waist. "You needed the rest."

"That's not all I need." She released him and urged him to turn so she could see his face.

Brus.h.i.+ng the hair back from her face, he said, "What else do you need, honey? I'll get you anything."

"I want to go home."

She could tell she'd taken him by surprise. "To Nashville?"

"Yes."

His face set into a grim expression. "I can't say I blame you. This hasn't exactly been the vacation you were hoping for. St. Kitts is usually a lot more restful than it's been for you."

She placed her hands on his chest and went up on tiptoes to kiss him. "In all the most important ways, it was exactly the vacation I was hoping for."

"I gotta be honest with you, darlin'. You're confusing the h.e.l.l out of me."

"I'm sorry," she said, laughing.

"I didn't expect to hear you laugh tonight."

"I didn't expect to feel like laughing, but I've made a decision, and now I want to go home and make it happen."

"What decision have you made?"

"I'm quitting the business."

His mouth fell open in shock. "Wait. What?"

"I've had enough. I want to be a private citizen again. I want a life, a real, genuine life that doesn't include two hundred nights a year on the road. I want to get to know my brothers and, and..." She stopped herself from giving him the full list so as not to scare him away. "Well, there're a lot of things I want to do, and I can't do any of them as long as I continue to chase the music. I've done everything I set out to do in the business. I have almost everything I need. Now it's time for me."

"I, um... I don't know what to say. Is this because of the video?"

"That's part of it." Her entire body hummed with energy. Having made the decision, now she couldn't wait to implement it. "This has been a long time coming. My health has been s.h.i.+t for the last year. I'm exhausted all the time. I haven't been writing music the way I used to, which is one of the things I most love to do. I'm not doing any of the things I most love to do. I spend hardly any time with my family, other than Jill, my brothers are growing up way too fast. The twins are ten now. Ten! Did you know that?"

Reid shook his head.

Fueled by excitement, Kate paced the deck. "My mother and her husband have two young sons, too, Max and Nick. They're thirteen and ten, and they barely know me. I give more to my fans than I do to my own family. That's not right."

"Don't you have contracts?"

"I'll get out of them." Throwing her hands into the air, she spun around. "I feel free for the first time in longer than I can remember. I'm free. I can do whatever I want, and what I want has nothing to do with singing or performing. It has everything to do with the people I love."

He folded his arms and leaned back against the rail that surrounded the deck.

Kate stopped moving and zeroed in on him. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm listening to you."

"But what is it you're dying to say?"

He hesitated, seeming to choose his words carefully. "I'm thrilled to see you so happy. Really, I am. It's just that I worry this incident with the video has upset you more than you're willing to let on, and you're making a big decision while in the midst of a crisis."

"I know you'll find this hard to believe, but the video didn't cause me to make this decision."

"You weren't talking about quitting the business before this happened."

"No, but I was thinking about it. I've been thinking about it for quite some time, if I'm being honest. The one thing that's kept me going is my sister."

"How do you mean?"

"She works for me. If I quit, what happens to her?"

"It's not like you'd walk away and have nothing to do with the business ever again."

"I might not...have anything to do with it..."

"Kate, really, I fear you're being hasty. You're upset over what happened, and rightfully so, but to make a decision like this now-"

"I didn't make it today. That's what you're not hearing. I made it in a hospital room in Oklahoma City when I said I wanted to go home. I knew then that I didn't want to come back. I was done then. I didn't realize that entirely until I came here, but I get it now. I'm done. I've had enough of being accused of doing drugs when I've never touched a drug in my life. I'm sick of a different city every day but still feeling like I've never actually been anywhere. There's never time to see anything. Do you know I've been to London six or eight times, but I've never seen Buckingham Palace? What kind of life is that?"

The words, once she started, poured forth in a stream of thoughts she'd had over the last few months. Saying them out loud for the first time was liberating. "I haven't told anyone this," she said with a nervous laugh. "You're the first to know."

"Come here, darlin'." He held out his hands to her.

Kate crossed the deck to take what he offered. With her hands in his, she looked up to find him watching her guardedly. "I'm here."

"I'm honored to be the first to know how you've been feeling. But I'd be remiss if I didn't urge you to sleep on it before you tell anyone else. I don't want you to make a hasty decision that you'll regret in a month or two."

"I won't regret it. I'd regret not doing it. That much I know for sure." She tried to calm her racing heart. "I get that you think I'm being hasty, and I get why, but you don't know how it's been."

"Then tell me. Tell me how it's been."

As she searched for the words she needed, she stared out at the darkness. "When things between us fell apart, something in me shut down. I think it was the part of me that took chances, the part that risked the odds and didn't care what anyone thought of me." She smiled. "How else would you explain why I was willing to risk everything on an affair with a man twenty-eight years older than me?"

"And here I thought all this time I was irresistible."

Kate laughed, delighted by him. "Of course you were. But after this, after us, I wasn't like that anymore. I cared too much about what other people thought. It hurt me when they accused me of doing drugs and sleeping around. I played it safe with other guys. I picked people who I knew would never break through the huge wall I'd put up around me. They couldn't break my heart because they couldn't get to it." She shook her head. "I'm not making any sense."

"No, you are. I get what you're saying."

"I want a real life, Reid. I want an authentic life. Not some glitzed-up celebrity existence where my every word and action is scrutinized by people who don't even know me. I'm tired of my whole world revolving around the next show, the next city, the next arena full of nameless, faceless people."

"You should have what you want. You went right from your daddy's house to superstardom with almost nothing in between."

"This," she said, sliding her hands to his shoulders, "was not nothing." She pressed her lips to his and was comforted by the familiar taste and scent of him. "This was everything."

"Kate, G.o.d, you have no idea what you do to me when you say those things."

"I have some idea," she said, laughing as she rubbed against his arousal.

"Not just there, but in here, too." He took her hand and placed it on top of his fast-beating heart. "You touch me everywhere."

"Will you come back to Nashville with me and help me find that real life? A real life that absolutely must include you if it's to be truly authentic."

"You want me to come with you?"

She stared at him, incredulous. "What did you think I've been saying?"

"That you were quitting the business and setting out to find your life."

Kate threw her head back and laughed-hard-which seemed to annoy him. "You silly, silly man. You are my life. How did you miss that part?"

"Um, ah, I don't know, but it sure is good to hear. I thought..." He shook his head. "Never mind what I thought."

"Tell me. What were you going to say?"

"I thought you were telling me you were leaving. Without me."

"G.o.d, I'm such an a.s.s. I'm sorry. That wasn't at all what I was saying. The exact opposite."

He gathered her into his arms, holding her tight against him.

"So will you come home with me?"

"On one condition."

Kate drew back slightly so she could look up at him. "What's that?"

"If you want a real, authentic life, you're going to have to marry me. I can't see any other way-"

A squeak of surprise escaped from her lips the second before she kissed him.

He tipped his head and buried his hand in her hair, kissing her with an urgency he hadn't often shown her.

Kate clung to him, kissing him back with everything she had, everything she'd ever be. It was all his. It always had been, and now that she knew for sure where she belonged, she'd never let go again.