Grass For His Pillow Part 21

"I'll send men to escort you up the mountain. I'll come to the women's rooms in the temple this evening. We have so much to plan. Don't look in my eyes," he added. "I don't want you to fall asleep."

"I don't mind," she replied. "Sleep rarely comes to me. Send me to sleep until this evening, then the hours will pa.s.s quickly. When I slept before, the White G.o.ddess came to me in a vision. She told me to be patient, to wait for you. I am here to thank her for it and for saving my life."

"I was told you were dying," he said, and could not continue. After a few moments he spoke with an effort. "Is Muto s.h.i.+zuka with you?"

"Yes."

"And you have a retainer from the Tribe, Kondo Kiichi?"

She nodded.

"They must be sent away. Leave your other men here for the time being. Do you have another woman to accompany you?"

"Yes," Kaede said. "But I don't think s.h.i.+zuka would do anything to harm you." Even as she spoke, she thought, But how do I know? Can I trust s.h.i.+zuka? Or Kondo, come to that. I have seen his ruthlessness. But how do I know? Can I trust s.h.i.+zuka? Or Kondo, come to that. I have seen his ruthlessness.

"I am under sentence of death from the Tribe," Takeo said. "Therefore any one of them is a danger to me."

"Isn't it dangerous for you to be out like this?"

He smiled. "I've never let anyone confine me. I like to explore places at night. I need to know the terrain, and if the Otori are planning to attack me across the border. I was on my way back when I saw Raku. He recognized me. Did you hear him?"

"He has been waiting for you too," she said, and felt sorrow uncurl in her belly. "Does everyone want your death?"

"They are not going to succeed. Not yet. I'll tell you why tonight."

She longed for him to hold her. She could feel her body leaning toward him. In the same moment he responded and took her in his arms. She felt his heart beat, his lips against her neck. Then he whispered, "Someone's awake. I must go."

She could hear nothing. Takeo pulled gently away from her. "Till this evening," he said.

She looked at him, seeking his gaze, half hoping to be plunged into sleep, but he had gone. She cried out in alarm. There was no sign of him in the courtyard or beyond. The wind chimes rang out sharply as if in the breath of someone pa.s.sing beneath them. Her heart was pounding. Had it been his ghost that had come to her? Had she been dreaming, and what would she find when she awoke?

"What are you doing out here, lady?" Manami's voice was shrill with concern. "You'll catch your death of cold."

Kaede pulled the robe around her. She was indeed s.h.i.+vering. "I could not sleep," she said slowly. "I had a dream..."

"Go inside. I'll send for tea." Manami stepped into her sandals and hurried away across the courtyard.

Swallows darted to and from the eaves. Kaede smelled wood smoke as the fires were lit. The horses whinnied as they were fed. She heard Raku's voice as she had heard it earlier. The air was sharp, but she could smell blossoms. She felt her heart swell with hope. It had not been a dream. He was here. In a few hours they would be together. She did not want to go inside. She wanted to stay where she was, remembering his look, his touch, his smell.

Manami came back, carrying a tray with tea and cups on it. She scolded Kaede again, and chivied her into the room. s.h.i.+zuka was getting dressed. She took one look at Kaede and exclaimed, "You've seen Takeo?"

Kaede did not reply immediately. She took a cup of tea from Manami and drank it slowly. She felt she had to be careful what she said: s.h.i.+zuka was from the Tribe, who had placed Takeo under sentence of death. She had a.s.sured Takeo that s.h.i.+zuka would not harm him, but how could she be certain of that? However, she found she could not control her expression, could not stop smiling, as if the mask had cracked and fallen away.

"I am going to the temple," she said. "I must get ready. Manami will come with me. s.h.i.+zuka, you may leave now to see your sons, and you can take Kondo with you."

"I thought Kondo was to go with you to Inuyama," s.h.i.+zuka said.

"I have changed my mind. He must go with you. And you must both leave at once, now."

"These are Takeo's orders, I suppose," s.h.i.+zuka said. "You cannot pretend to me. I know you have seen him."

"I told him you would not harm him," Kaede said. "You would not?"

s.h.i.+zuka said sharply, "Better not to ask that. If I do not see him, I cannot harm him. But how long do you intend to stay at the temple? Don't forget, Arai is waiting for you at Inuyama."

"I don't know. It all depends on Takeo." Kaede could not prevent herself from continuing. "He said we must marry. We must; we will."

"You must not do anything before you have seen Arai," s.h.i.+zuka said urgently. "If you marry without his approval, you will insult him. He will be deeply offended. You cannot afford to incite his enmity. He is your strongest ally. And what about Lord Fujiwara? You are as good as betrothed to him. Will you offend him too?"

"I cannot marry Fujiwara," Kaede cried. "He of all people knows that I can marry no one but Takeo. To all other men I bring death. But I am Takeo's life and he is mine."

"This is not the way the world works," s.h.i.+zuka said. "Remember what Lady Maruyama told you, how easily these warlords and warriors can crush a woman if they think that you question their power over you. Fujiwara expects to marry you: He must have already consulted Arai. It is a match Arai can only be in favor of. Apart from that, Takeo has the entire Tribe against him; he cannot survive. Don't look at me like that: It distresses me to hurt you. It's because I care so much for you that I must say this to you. I could swear to you never to harm him, but it would make no difference; there are hundreds out there who will try. Sooner or later one of them will succeed. No one can escape the Tribe forever. You have to accept that this will be his fate. What will you do after his death, when you have insulted everyone who takes your part? You will have no hope of Maruyama and will lose s.h.i.+rakawa. Your sisters will be ruined with you. Arai is your overlord. You must go to Inuyama and accept his decision on your marriage. Otherwise you will enrage him. Believe me: I know how his mind works."

"Can Arai prevent the coming of spring?" Kaede replied. "Can he order the snow not to thaw?"

"All men like to believe they can. Women get their own way by indulging this belief, not by opposing it."

"Lord Arai will learn differently," Kaede said in a low voice. "Make yourself ready. You and Kondo must be gone in an hour."

She turned away. Her heart was beating wildly, excitement building up in her belly, her chest, her throat. She could think of nothing other than being joined with him. The sight of him, his closeness, awoke the fever in her again.

"You are mad," s.h.i.+zuka said. "You have gone beyond reason. You are unleas.h.i.+ng disaster on yourself and your family."

As if in confirmation of s.h.i.+zuka's fears, there was a sudden noise; the house groaned, the screens rattled, the wind chimes sounded as the ground shook beneath their feet.

10.

As soon as the snow began to melt and the thaw came, word spread like running water that I was at Ter-ayama and was going to challenge the Otori lords for my inheritance. And like running water, first in a trickle, then in a flood, warriors began to make their way to the mountain temple. Some were masterless, but most were Otori who recognized the legitimacy of my claim as s.h.i.+geru's heir. My story was already a legend, and I seemed to have become a hero, not only to the young men of the warrior cla.s.s, but also to the farmers and villagers of the Otori domain, who had reached a state of desperation after the bitter winter, the increased taxation, and the ever-harsher laws imposed by Shoichi and Masahiro, s.h.i.+geru's uncles. The air was full of the sounds of spring. The willows put on their gold-green fronds. Swallows darted over the flooded fields and crafted their nests under the eaves of the temple buildings. Every night the noise of frogs grew louder, the loud call of the rain frog, the clacking rhythm of the tree frog, and the sweet tinkling of the little bell frog.

Flowers bloomed in a riot along the dikes: bitter cress, b.u.t.tercups, and bright pink vetch. Herons, ibis, and cranes returned to the rivers and the pools.

The abbot, Matsuda s.h.i.+ngen, made the considerable wealth of the temple freely available to me, and with his help I spent the early weeks of spring organizing the men who came to me, equipping and arming them. Smiths and armorers appeared fromYamagata and elsewhere and set up their workshops at the foot of the holy mountain. Every day horse dealers came, hoping to make a good sale, and they usually did, for I bought all the horses I could. No matter how many men I had and how well they were armed, my main weapons would always be speed and surprise. I did not have the time or the resources to muster a huge army of foot soldiers like Arai. I had to rely on a small but swifter band of hors.e.m.e.n.

Among the first to arrive were the Miyos.h.i.+ brothers, Kahei and Gemba, with whom I had trained in Hagi. Those days when we had fought with wooden swords now seemed impossibly distant. Their appearance meant a great deal to me, far more than they suspected when they fell to their knees and begged to be allowed to join me. Jt meant that the best of the Otori had not forgotten s.h.i.+geru. They brought thirty men with them and, just as welcome, news from Hagi.

"Shoichi and Masahiro are aware of your return," Kahei told me. He was several years older than me and had some experience of war, having been at Yaegahara at the age of fourteen. "But they don't take it very seriously. They feel it will only take one quick skirmish to rout you." He grinned at me. "I don't mean to insult you, but they've formed the impression that you're something of a weakling."

"That's the only way they've seen me," I replied. I remembered Iida's retainer, Abe, who had thought the same thing and had been taught differently by Jato. "They are correct in some ways. It is true that I am young and know only the theory of war, not its practice. But I have right on my side and am fulfilling s.h.i.+geru's will."

"People say you are touched by heaven," Gemba said. "They say you have been given powers that are not of this world."

"We know all about that!" said Kahei. "Remember the fight with Yos.h.i.+tomi? But he considered the powers to be from h.e.l.l, not heaven."

I had fought a bout against Masahiro's son with wooden swords. He was a better swordsman than I was then, but I had other skills that he thought cheating and I had used them to prevent him from killing me.

"Have they taken my house and land?" I asked. "I heard they intended to."

"Not yet, mainly because our old teacher, Ichiro, has refused to hand them over. He's made it clear he won't give in without a fight. The lords are reluctant to start a brawl with him and s.h.i.+geru's- your-remaining men."

It was a relief to me to know that Ichiro was still alive. I hoped he would leave soon and come to the temple, where I could protect him. Since the thaw I had been expecting him daily.

"Also, they are not certain of the townspeople," Gemba put in. "They don't want to provoke anyone. They're afraid of an uprising."

"They always preferred to plot in secret," I said.

"They call it negotiation," Kahei said dryly. "Have they tried to negotiate with you?"

"I've heard nothing from them. Besides, there is nothing to negotiate. They were responsible for s.h.i.+geru's death. They tried to murder him in his own house, and when that failed they handed him over to Iida. I cannot come to an agreement with them, even if they offer it."

"What will be your strategy?" Kahei asked, narrowing his eyes.

"There's no way I can attack the Otori in Hagi. I'd need far greater resources than I have now. I am thinking I must approach Arai... but I'll do nothing until Ichiro gets here. He said he would come as soon as the road was clear."

"Send us to Inuyama," Kahei said. "Our mother's sister is married to one of Aral's retainers. We can find out if winter has changed Arai's att.i.tude toward you."

"When the time is right, I will," I promised, glad to have a way to approach Arai indirectly. I did not tell them or anyone yet what I had already decided: to go first to Kaede, wherever she was, and marry her and then to take over the s.h.i.+rakawa and Maruyama lands with her, if she would still have me, if she was not already married...

With every spring day my restlessness increased. The weather was fickle, sun one day, icy winds the next. The plum trees blossomed in a hailstorm. Even when the cherry buds started to swell, it was still cold. But there were signs of spring everywhere-especially, it seemed, in my blood. The disciplined life of the past winter had left me fitter than I had ever been, physically and mentally. Matsuda's teaching, his unfailing affection for me, the knowledge of my Otori blood, had all given me new self-confidence. I was less ridden by my split nature, less troubled by conflicting loyalties. I made no outward show of the restlessness that tormented me. I was learning to show nothing to the world. But at night my thoughts turned to Kaede, and my desire followed. I longed for her, fearing that she was married to someone else and lost to me forever. When I could not sleep I slipped from the room and left the temple, exploring the surrounding district, sometimes going as far as Yamagata. The hours of meditation, study, and training had honed all my skills; I had no fear of anyone detecting me.

Makoto and I met every day to study together, but by silent agreement we did not touch each other. Our friends.h.i.+p had moved onto another plane, which I felt would last a lifetime. Nor did I sleep with any women. None was allowed in the temple itself, fears of a.s.sa.s.sination kept me from the brothels, and I did not want to start another child. I often thought of Yuki. I could not stop myself from pa.s.sing in front of her parents' house one moonless night late in the second month. The plum tree's blossoms gleamed white in the darkness, but there were no lights within and only one guard on the gate. I'd heard that Arai's men had ransacked the house in the autumn. Now it seemed to be deserted. Even the smell of the fermenting soybeans had faded.

I thought about our child. I was sure it would be a boy, brought up by the Tribe to hate me and in all probability destined to fulfil the blind woman's prophecy. Knowing the future did not mean that I could escape it: It was part of the bitter sadness of human life.

I wondered where Yuki was now-possibly in some distant secret village north of Matsue-and I often thought about her father, Kenji. He probably would be not so far away, in one of the Muto villages in the mountains, not knowing that the secret network of the Tribe's hiding places had all been revealed to me in the records that s.h.i.+geru had left and that I had spent the winter learning by heart. I was still not sure what I would do with this knowledge: whether I would take advantage of it to buy forgiveness and friends.h.i.+p from Arai, or use it myself to eradicate the secret organization that had sentenced me to death.

A long time ago Kenji had sworn to protect me as long as I lived. I discounted this promise as part of the deviousness of his nature, and I had not forgiven him for his part in s.h.i.+geru's betrayal. But I also knew that without him I would not have been able to carry out the work of revenge, and I could not forget that he had followed me back into the castle that night. If I could have chosen anyone's help, it would have been his, but I did not think he would ever go against the rulings of the Tribe. If we met it would be as enemies, each seeking to kill the other.

Once when I was coming home at dawn I heard an animal's sharp panting and surprised a wolf on the path. He could smell me but could not see me. I was close enough to see the bright reddish hair behind his ears, close enough to smell his breath. He snarled in fear, backed away, turned, and slipped into the undergrowth. I could hear him stop and sniff again, his nose as sharp as my ears. Our worlds of the senses overlapped, mine dominated by hearing, his by smell. I wondered what it would be like to enter the wolf's wild and solitary realm. In the Tribe I was known as the Dog, but I preferred to think of myself like this wolf, no longer owned by anyone.

Then the morning came when I saw my horse, Raku. It was late in the third month, when the cherry blossoms were on the point of flowering. I was walking up the steep track as the sky lightened, my eyes on the mountain peaks, still snow-covered, turning pink in the sun. I saw the unfamiliar horses on their lines outside the inn. No one seemed to be up, though I heard a shutter slide open from the other side of the courtyard. My gaze drifted over the horses as it always does, and at the same time as I recognized Raku's gray coat and black mane, the horse turned his head, saw me, and whickered in delight.

He had been my gift to Kaede; he was almost my only possession left after the fall of Inuyama. Could she have sold him or given him away? Or had he brought her here to me?

Between the stables and the guest rooms of the inn was a small courtyard, with pine trees and stone lanterns. I stepped into it. I knew someone was awake; I could hear breathing behind the shutters. I went toward the veranda, desperate to know if it was Kaede, and at the same time certain that in the next moment I would see her.

She was even lovelier than I remembered. Her illness had left her thinner and frailer, but it had brought out the beauty of her bones, the slenderness of her wrists and neck. The pounding of my heart silenced the world around me. Then, realizing that for a few moments we would be alone before the inn awoke, I went and knelt before her.

All too soon I heard the women wake inside the room. I took on invisibility and slipped away. I heard Kaede's gasp of fear and realized I had not yet told her about my Tribe skills. There was so much we needed to talk about: Would we ever have enough time? The wind chimes rang out as I pa.s.sed beneath them. I could see my horse looking for me, but he did not see me. Then my shape returned. I was striding up the hill, filled with energetic joy as if I had drunk some magic potion. Kaede was here. She was not married. She would be mine.

As I did every day, I went to the burial ground and knelt before s.h.i.+geru's grave. At this early hour it was deserted, the light dim beneath the cedars. The sun was touching their tips; on the opposite side of the valley the mist hung along the sides of the slopes, so the peaks seemed to be floating on foam.

The waterfall kept up its ceaseless babble, echoed by the softer trickle of water flowing through gutters and pipes into the pools and cisterns of the garden. I could hear the monks at prayer, the rise and fall of the sutras, the sudden clear peal of a bell. I was glad s.h.i.+geru dwelled in this peaceful place. I spoke to his spirit, asking for his strength and wisdom to be transferred to me. I told him what he no doubt already knew: that I was going to fulfill his last requests to me. And, first of all, I was going to marry s.h.i.+rakawa Kaede.

There was a sudden heavy shaking as the earth trembled. I was gripped by certainty that I was doing the right thing, and also by a sense of urgency. We must marry immediately.

A change in the note of the water made me turn my head. In the large pond, carp were thres.h.i.+ng and milling just below the surface of the water, a flickering mat of red and gold. Makoto was feeding them, his face calm and serene as he watched them.

Red and gold filled my eyes, the colors of good fortune, the colors of marriage.

He saw me looking at him and called, "Where were you? You missed the first meal."

"I'll eat later." I got to my feet and went toward him. I could not keep my excitement to myself. "Lady s.h.i.+rakawa is here. Will you go with Kahei and escort her to the women's guest house?"

He threw the last of the millet into the water. "I will tell Kahei. I prefer not to go myself. I don't want to remind her of the pain I caused her."

"Maybe you are right. Yes, tell Kahei. Let them bring her here before noon."

"Why is she here?" Makoto asked, glancing sideways at me.

"She came on a pilgrimage, to give thanks for her recovery. But now that she is here, I intend to marry her."

"Just like that?" He laughed without mirth.

"Why not?"

"My experience of marriages is very limited, but I believe in the case of great families like the s.h.i.+rakawa or, come to that, the Otori, consent has to be given: The clan lords have to agree."

"I am the lord of my clan and I give my consent," I replied lightly, feeling he was raising unnecessary problems.

"Your case is slightly different. But who does Lady s.h.i.+rakawa obey? Her family may have other plans for her."

"She has no family." I could feel anger beginning to simmer.

"Don't be a fool, Takeo. Everyone has family, especially unmarried girls who are the heir to great domains."

"I have both legal right and moral duty to marry her, since she was betrothed to my adopted father." My tone was hotter now. "It was s.h.i.+geru's express will that I should do so."

"Don't be angry with me," he said, after a pause. "I know your feelings for her. I'm only saying what everyone will tell you."

"She loves me too!"

"Love has nothing to do with marriage." He shook his head, looking at me as if I were a child.

"Nothing's going to stop me! She is here. I will not let her slip away from me again. We will be married this week."

The bell tolled from the temple. One of the older monks walked across the garden, looking disapprovingly at us. Makoto had kept his voice low throughout our exchange, but I had been talking loudly and forcefully.

"I must go to meditation," he said. "Maybe you should too. Think about what you are doing before you act."