The Mother And Her Child Part 56

FEAR OF DARKNESS

Consider for a moment the thousands of children who are early taught an abnormal fear of the dark. Even when the child is absolutely free from such a fear, when sent into a dark room some member of the family will thoughtlessly remark, "Do you think it is quite right to send that child into that dark room? Suppose something should happen." The child quickly catches the suggestion that something is supposed to be or happen in the dark, and in his mind is sown the seed of fear.

When our boy was about two years old he was carried one night to the window by a caretaker, and as they looked out into the darkness the young woman said, "Boo! dark!" The little fellow shuddered, drew back and repeated, "Boo! dark! Boo! dark!"

That night, as was our custom after the evening story, we tucked him in his little bed, turned out the light, and saying, "Sweet dreams, Darling," closed the door. Imagine our surprise to hear, "Mamma, Mamma, Willie 'fraid of dark, Willie 'fraid of dark," and it was with difficulty that he was induced to go to sleep in the dark. Immediate inquiry revealed the occasion of his fears, and the next night we set about to eradicate the fear of darkness from the little fellow's mind.

For ten successive nights we took his hand, and, leading him into a dark room, said, "Nice dark, restful dark; we go to sleep in the dark; we're not afraid of the dark, no." Each night, save one, we were met with, "No, no, naughty dark. Willie 'fraid of dark." On the tenth night as we entered the room as usual, repeating, "Nice dark, restful dark; we go to sleep in the dark; we're not afraid of the dark, no,"

his little mind responded. Suggestion had at last routed fear and given birth to faith. We had won! But it had taken ten nights of constant work to undo one moment's work of a thoughtless girl. Every night since he has gone to sleep in the dark without a murmur.

THE FOLLY OF MAKING THREATS

Threats only show weakness on the part of the disciplinarian. Most school teachers early learn the folly of making threats. When I was teaching school I recall that a number of slate pencils had been dropped on the floor one afternoon. Thoughtlessly I threatened, "Now the next child that drops a pencil will remain after school and receive punishment!" My fate! The weakest, most delicate girl in the room was the next to drop her pencil, and she was a pupil with a perfect record in deportment. The reader can imagine my embarra.s.sment.

I had threatened punishment, and so had to get out of the predicament as best I could. This experience effectually cured me of making such foolish threats.

Most of us live to regret the threats we make. "Your father will thrash you when he comes home tonight," or, "You'd better not let your father see you doing that," or, "You wouldn't behave that way if your father was here," etc., are common threats which we hear directed at headstrong and willful boys. What is the result? Do such threats cause the love of the child for his father to increase? They make the child actually afraid of his father.

"I'll 'bust' your brains out," said a four-year-old to his pet lion, because it wouldn't stand up. Now it should be remembered that these things do not originate in the minds of the boy and girl. They only repeat the things they hear others say. It betrays both cowardice and ignorance to undertake to secure obedience by such threats as "I will box your ears if you don't mind," etc.

Obedience that is worth anything at all is only secured by suggestion and love, never by promises of reward or threats of punishment.

CHILDREN WHO ARE CALLED "COWARDS"

Recently we overheard a little fellow say, "Father says I'm the only coward in the whole family." Looking him straight in the face we said to him: "You're not a coward. Such a fine boy as you couldn't possibly be a coward." The boy was greatly amazed, and, as we left him, he was saying over to himself, "I'm not a coward. She said I'm not a coward,"

finally adding, "She said I couldn't be a coward." This one thought, repeated to him several times and turned over and over in his mind, eventually overthrew the false fears instilled by his father.

A short time ago the daily papers contained the story of the ten-year-old son of a New York business man who drew his few dollars from the savings bank, boarded a train for Chicago, and, after three days of amus.e.m.e.nt and loneliness, his money all gone, was found in a hotel bitterly weeping. His ident.i.ty was revealed, the parents were notified at once, and the boy was sent on the first train back to his home. On the way to the station he sobbed out through his tears, "Well, my brother can't call me a coward any more, anyway." Who knows but that this everlasting taunting of the child with the accusation of being a baby or being a coward has much to do with many such escapades and other daring exploits on the part of the juveniles who are chafed by such unjust insinuations? Those of us who are acquainted with the vice and crime of a great city can imagine just what might have happened if this boy had been a little older, if his heredity had not been so good, if his money hadn't run out, if he had been able to remain in the big city long enough to make undesirable acquaintances.

Many criminals have confessed behind prison bars that when they were children they were called cowards. After a while they actually came to believe that they were cowards, and in their efforts to acquire courage and demonstrate their bravery they were led to desperate and even criminal acts. They prowled around the dark alleys just to convince themselves that they were not afraid, that they were not cowards, and there they made the acquaintance of the criminals who led them into new and dangerous paths. Even if a child enters this world handicapped by heredity, let us not lessen his chances of success by adverse suggestion.

Faith-thoughts, thoughts of bravery and of courage, may just as easily be instilled into the mind of the normal child as thoughts of fear and cowardice. A child should never have suggested to him that he is afraid. He should be constantly a.s.sured that he is brave, loyal, and fearless. The daily repet.i.tion of these suggestions will contribute much to the actual acquirement of the very traits of character that are thus suggested. This does not mean that a child should not be taught caution and forethought.

THE GIRL WHO WOULD "TURN OUT BAD"

Parents do not begin to realize how fearfully dangerous is this habit of constantly reiterated negative suggestion. Let me ill.u.s.trate by an actual incident: A beautiful girl in a near-by state grew up quietly in the little village until she was eighteen years of age, when suddenly she decided to run away from home, declaring she was old enough to do as she pleased. She confided in one of her girl friends that she was going to Chicago, and had made all arrangements to lose herself in the "redlight" district. All that this girl friend said had not the slightest influence. As the train bore her away to the city and to ruin, a social worker in Chicago was wired to meet her at a suburban station. The girl was met, taken from the train and whisked in a cab to the home of a Christian woman. So possessed was this girl with the idea of throwing herself away that the captain of police was asked to talk to her; but the combined efforts of the police captain, a magistrate, and several Christian people could not persuade her to recall her threat. She declared she would kill herself if her parents were notified. This siege lasted for ten days. Then she finally broke down, saying: "I simply can't help it. All my life my mother has told me that I was going to turn out bad. No matter what would happen at home, if I broke a dish or went out with the young people and remained away ten minutes later than I was told to, it would always be thrown up to me. 'Oh, some day you'll turn out bad.' I have heard it until I am sick of it, and something within seems to push me on and on, telling me I must turn out bad."

Of course the girl was persuaded to believe that these were only fear-thoughts; that she was a beautiful, virtuous girl, that she simply had received the wrong training, that she couldn't possibly turn out bad. She was thus saved by the sympathy and advice of understanding friends, was subsequently married and is today the mother of a splendid boy.

WHAT HEALTHY FAITH-THOUGHT WILL DO

Here is another story which ill.u.s.trates what healthy faith-thought will do. A young man was not long ago selected for the highest position within the gift of a large religious organization. When he was a lad his parents held this thought constantly before his mind: "David, if you will be a good boy, if you will do what is right, you may some day be President of the General a.s.sembly." He became a minister of the Gospel, a very successful one, and subsequently married a young woman who was also much interested in religious work.

She continued to encourage him in this ambition, saying: "David, preach the best sermons you can; make an effort to bring many souls to Christ, and some day I believe you will be President of the General a.s.sembly." The man presided over the General a.s.sembly of his denomination, not one term, but term after term. He kept his eye long fixed on that particular aim, and by faith he won it.

THE POWER OF SUGGESTION

To see how powerful suggestion may be in a child's life take this incident that every parent knows: The little one trips and tumbles.

Mamma says, "Oh, did you fall? Well, never mind; come here, I'll kiss it. There, now it's well." Immediately the child goes back to his play perfectly happy. One little fellow was taught that when he fell he should get up at once, rub the b.u.mp, and say, "That didn't hurt." All through his career the b.u.mps and the hards.h.i.+ps of life were met with the same pluck. On the other hand, a thoughtless caretaker will excitedly jump and catch up the slightly injured child, coddle it, rock it, pet it--and the crying continues indefinitely. This early training in meeting minor hurts and obstacles lasts throughout the lifetime. Pluck and grit are lacking. The behavior of the man in the face of difficulties is foreshadowed by the att.i.tude of the child toward his petty trials and b.u.mps.

Successful child training follows in the path of positive suggestion.

Impatient words and careless threats of punishment can only contribute to the wrong training of the young mind.

When is the best time to suggest to the child? Catch the little fellow when he is happiest, when he is overjoyed and filled with glee; for it is at such times that the suggestions offered will meet with the least resistance.

Teach the children through the spirit of play and through the medium of the story. The boy or girl in the story always can have a clean face, always close the doors quietly, and otherwise so conduct himself or herself as to const.i.tute a powerful positive suggestion for good.

The story-child always says, "All right, Papa," "All right, Mamma,"

when corrected.

BEDTIME A GOOD TIME TO SUGGEST

The "going-to-bed time" is the time _par excellence_ for suggestion in early childhood. After the play time, the study time, and the evening story, when all is quiet, in the peacefulness of the darkness, while you are seated in a low chair close beside the little bed, with your hand in his, repeat over and over again the positive suggestions which you desire to take root in the mind and bear fruit in the character.

Again and again tell the little fellow that he is the n.o.blest and bravest of boys, that he loves truth and hates deceit. No matter what disturbs him, if it is the lessons at school or a wrong habit, first think out exactly what you desire him to be or to do, and firmly, but quietly, tell it over and over to him.

As a concrete example: Suppose Henry, at three-and-a-half years of age has to be coaxed or almost forced to eat. Say to him: "Now, Henry, you are a good little boy. Papa and mamma love you dearly. If you are going to grow up to be a big man you must not forget to eat; so tomorrow when you go down to the table you will eat everything mamma or nurse puts before you. It won't be necessary for papa to feed you at all; you will eat the potatoes, the gravy, the toast, and the cereal, and drink your milk. You will make mamma very happy, and papa will be proud of you; and then after dinner we will have a good romp, and you will soon grow up to be big enough to have a velocipede and a watch." After two or three evenings of this suggestion you will be surprised to see there is a great difference in his eating.

Take the timid little girl who is unable to recite well at school, who is shy, and has great difficulty with her lessons. At the going-to-sleep time sit by the side of her bed and tell her that tomorrow she will have her lessons better, that she will not any more be afraid, that she will get up and recite without the least fear in her heart. By constantly repeating these suggestions she will be given confidence, and in most cases it will result in effecting the deliverance of the child from her bondage to fear. Never tell her that she is shy or that she cannot do things. Constantly tell her that she is a successful girl with a strong character, and that she is going to make a very useful and courageous woman. Hold high aims and ideals before her. Suggestion cannot atone for all the defects of character which may be inherited, but it can do much to help such unfortunate little ones gracefully bear their burdens.

NEVER ACCUSE CHILDREN OF DISHONESTY

Never tell children that you suspect they are dishonest or untruthful.

Be very slow to accuse and suspect them of falsehood or theft. Tell them over and over again they are the best boys and girls in the world; that they are going to make the n.o.blest of men and women; that they love honesty and truth. Even when you discover them in minor faults do not make the mistake of unduly magnifying and emphasizing the error. As soon as possible direct the thoughts and attention of the wrongdoer away from his error, and focus his thoughts and attention on the high goal you expect him to reach. This will not be construed as doing away with proper punishment for persistent faults after the more ideal methods seem to have failed.

A patient recently called us to see her little girl, and as we made ready to make the examination the mother said: "Now, Mary, stop your playing and come and be undressed and let the doctor look at you."

"I don't want to stop playing," murmured Mary.

"But you must come. You know you don't feel well at all, your cheeks are so red. Now swallow and see if it don't hurt. Now try again. I know you don't feel well." By the time we had begun our examination Mary began to succ.u.mb to her mother's suggestions, and began to feel a trifle indisposed. She was being made temporarily ill by the unwise and unfortunate suggestions of the overanxious mother. The examination revealed that there was nothing whatever the matter with her.

IT IS EASY TO FORM GOOD HABITS

Let us get the truth firmly into our minds as parents that it is just about as easy to form a good habit as a bad habit, just about as easy to acquire helpful, happy thoughts as those that are injurious; and we can do it, if we will but see to it that our children early form correct and proper habits of thinking and acting. While the children are taught proper respect for authority, let fear be an unknown word to them. Don't let a thought of the fear of insanity, of haunted houses, of drafts, of this and of that enter into your home. Instead, live in the glorious suns.h.i.+ne of strong, healthy, faith-thought, and a supreme happiness will come into your life, and you will give a legacy to your children for which they will "rise up and call you blessed."

CHIVALROUS SPIRIT

The love of mother and sister can naturally and happily be turned early to a chivalrous att.i.tude toward all women when it is developed by suggestion and other training. In giving up a chair or bringing one for a guest, in lifting the hat, in noticing ways to be polite and attentive to mother, a lifelong conduct may be ensured.

Each day gives us trying and sometimes shocking revelations of the prevalent lack of courtesy, or even humanity, on the street cars during the "rush" hours. The indifference to the comfort of women, even the aged, on the part of many men and boys in the matter of giving them seats or other care, indicates a dangerous social condition.

The mother, instead of exercising selfish concern for her boy, should make it her duty very early to suggest that he give his seat to a woman or girl, as he would be glad to have someone do for his mother or sister. Such unselfish service will become a habit of pleasure, and help the boy become a pure-minded, manly gentleman with that respect for womanhood without which a nation is doomed.