A Sketch Of What You Mean To Me Part 14

'Were you thinking about something specific?'

'Writing and drawing. I can have a diploma in two years.' I kneaded my fingers.

'Yes, with your recent talent developments, I'd say that's a very good idea. Now, we have two things to cheers to.' She laughed and almost seemed young again. The way before the weight of my cancer had pressed down on her.

I laughed as well. 'I'm excited. For once I feel like I have a future again which I can be happy about.'

Although the deadline for one of the courses was already over, this time I played my cancer card and they turned a blind eye to it. I would also be a college student in September, but because it was so close from here, I would still be able to live at home and get enough rest if needed.

Summer approached and the doctors were very happy with me. My body was in a good shape considering what it had been through and to set an end to the longest year of my life my mom baked me a "Happy 1st year anniversary cancer survival cake".

One day, in early June I went to pick Lucy up to go to the city with her. When we left, her mother was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her chest and a concerned look in her eyes, like so many times before.

'I think your mom doesn't like me.' I said.

'What makes you a.s.sume that?'

'Have you seen how hostile she looks at me?'

'You imagine things. She just studies you. Where you could hide potential germs, you know.' Lucy smiled.

We drove to Central Park and I took her out in one of these small wooden boats on the lake.

I climbed into the boat first and held out one hand to help her inside. Lucy swayed a little so I grabbed her whole arm and supported her. Once she was in the boat I kissed her tiny, snow-white hand.

'My lady, lay back and enjoy the ride.' I rowed away from the sh.o.r.e. 'Now you just imagine lots of small bridges and colorful houses and it will be like we were in Venice.'

Lucy closed her eyes and laid her head back, so that the sun shone directly on her face.

'I'd love to go to Venice. Perhaps, I'll be born as an Italian in my next life.'

'How about you're going there in this life?' Fiona's going there this summer, I thought.

'That'd be wonderful. But I think I'll be happy already if I make it home alright today.' She gave me a weak smile.

She loved the day, she told me. But I could see that it had drained her a lot too. Yet, I always failed to accept how bad off she was. Even though I noticed how much care she put into every move she made and how skinny she had become, I thought that was just the low point before it would get better again. I mean, I was the living example that it worked.

In mid-June, Fiona got back for her summer vacation for two weeks before going to Europe. Eric was staying at college three more weeks to do a summer seminar.

I went to pick Fiona up at her house after she had unpacked a little.

'h.e.l.lo Kevin, nice to see you again.' Her mom smiled politely. 'I'm glad to hear that you are doing better.' Her words were sincere but I nonetheless felt an uneasy tension in the air. Her eyes hovered to my short hair and then quickly back to my eyes again.

'Yes, it has been a while. I'm glad I'll get to spend some time with Fiona now.'

In that moment, Fiona bounced down the stairs.

'Hey! Great to see you!' She gave me a hug and before I could start enjoying what was happening, it was already over.

'Do you want to come in or shall we go somewhere?' She asked.

'How about we go for an ice cream?' I suggested.

'Sure, let's go.' She slipped on her flip-flops and strode out the door, her ponytail bobbing.

'You are in a good mood.' I observed.

'I successfully finished my first year of college.'

'You are right; this calls for a celebration. This makes me think of something.'

'What?' She eyed me curiously.

'Wait and see.'

We drove to pick up a tub of ice cream and then I drove on to the parking lot of my high school. I had antic.i.p.ated that the place would be deserted now, during vacation.

'What are we doing here?' She asked when I turned off the engine.

'A party isn't a celebration without music and dancing and since I was kind of out of it the last time we had a chance to dance, perhaps we could have a second one now.' I put on some music on my phone and connected it to the car speakers. I walked around the car and opened her door.

'So, would you like to dance?' I held out my hand.

'Here?' She laughed.

'Why not?'

Her eyes glistered and with a smile, she hopped out of the car.

I let go of a breath before taking her into my arms and slowly starting to sway to the music. My heartbeat quickened when I breathed in the sweet and familiar smell of her hair.

'I missed you, Fiona.'

She didn't answer right away but she lay her head against my cheek.

'I missed you, too.'

When the song was over, I held on to her a little moment longer and pressed her against me a little tighter, as if to carve this feeling into my skin.

Then, we got back into the car and shared the slightly melted ice cream with the one spoon I took from the store.

'So, in your letters, you mention this Lucy a lot.' Fiona said when the tub was empty and sighed.

'She's just a friend from the hospital.'

'Really, just a friend?' She eyed me suspiciously.

'Yes, I need friends, too.' I said ruffled.

'I know. I just wished she wasn't a girl.'

'But you trust me that she is just a friend?'

'I guess, I have to.' She pressed her lips together.

'I never asked you about the guys in Florida. For one part because I rather don't want to know if you are spending time with somebody else and also, I think you wouldn't be here now if there were someone else.' I nodded in conclusion.

'You are right, there is no one.'

'So, why again aren't we kissing?' I laughed.

She kept quiet for a moment and my enthusiasm about my previous phrase subsided.

'I'm looking for something but actually, I don't know what it is. You crushed something last spring and I can't feel this yet. I'm still afraid that at some point you'll have another crazy idea and just leave me again.' Now she gave a shy laugh.

'I won't. I've learned from my mistakes.' I insisted.

Fiona gave me a weak smile. 'Can I meet Lucy?'

That wasn't a question I was expecting so I took a moment to think about it.

'Sure, I don't see why not. I have told her a lot about you so it's only fair if you get to know her as well.'

The three of us met at Starbucks for a coffee. Lucy and I exchanged a glance once we sat down because we had remarked how a curb between Fiona's eyes had appeared as soon as I introduced her to Lucy and we were both so used to this sign of pity. It then disappeared again but the damage of being reminded that you don't look normal is done.

'So.' I said to break the silence.

'Kevin has told me a lot about you.' Lucy offered.

'I hope only good things.' Fiona smiled at her and then looked at me as if she was looking for help.

'Only good things of course.' I said, not knowing what else to say. I felt so awkward sitting between the two most important people in my life at that moment while it was obvious that they were completely different and n.o.body knew how to start off with the other.

'You are going travelling?' Lucy asked.

'Yes.' Fiona said relieved. 'Four weeks. To Italy, Switzerland, Spain and some Balkan countries.'

'I've never been there, I wished I could see these places as well.'

Fiona swallowed and looked at me again.

'Me, too.' I said. 'It's on my list of things to do when I'm healthy, just so you know.' I said to Fiona.

We drank our coffees fairly quickly.

'I guess I won't see too much of you during the next days?' Lucy said when we were saying goodbye.

'I'll still make time for you.' I said, feeling Fiona's eyes on me.

Lucy nodded and smiled.

'How could I be mad at someone like her?' Fiona sighed when we were out of earshot.

'Why should you be mad at her?'

'Because I'm jealous.' She snorted. 'But jealousy is usually a good sign. It means that I care.' She smiled.

'Trust is also important if someone cares. But so, what are your plans during the next two weeks?' I asked. 'Because I would feel bad if I just dropped her aside until you are gone again, since she is here so many times when I need her and you aren't here.'

Fiona's shoulders sank. 'I wanted to visit my grandparents and have to do some other errands. You will have some free time.'

Good, that was easily organized.

When it came to the day of departure, I brought Fiona to LaGuardia, where she'd meet Amanda and from where they took off to Barcelona.

Without Lucy, I think I'd have been pretty sad and jealous while saying goodbye at the airport. I got Fiona back for lousy two weeks and now she'd be off to the biggest adventure of her life without me. But thanks to Lucy, I didn't feel that way. I knew I wouldn't be left alone here.

Fiona's first postcard arrived five days later. I treasured that piece of writing with personal words from her and locked myself into my room to not to be disturbed while reading it. It seemed as if she tried to make a compet.i.tion out of squeezing as many letters as possible onto one postcard.

Hey Kevin, The flight was uneventful and we arrived safely and on time here in Barcelona. I love this city already! We just quickly checked our bags into the hostel and then we were off to "La Boqueria" a market hall on Barcelona's main street. There's a market 'till noon every day and since we got to it at about 11 o'clock, we only had about an hour left. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. So many colors, fruits and dead animals. They were carrying half corpses of pigs or cows through all the people on the market. If I hadn't watched out, I'd have touched one of these disgusting things. I preferred the fruit stands. You can buy fresh juices of every fruit you can imagine. I had kiwi and this morning we went back again and I got a mango juice. It was delicious! We also visited Park Guell where you can find artwork from Antonio Gaudi. It was beautiful. And the fun thing was that they had outdoor escalators to get to the park. You think they built them for all the lazy American tourists :P ? I'm sad that our s.h.i.+p to Rome is leaving tonight already, I'd have liked to visit more places in this city... I already see that postcards won't ever have enough s.p.a.ce, so I'll probably simply write letters to you and enclose the cards.

Beso Fiona To answer her, I wrote an e-mail.

Subject: Thank you for your postcard Hey my dear It's good to hold this piece of paper from you in my hands, which tells me that you arrived in Europe safely. It's kind of amazing to think that this letter has just been in an entirely different part of the world. How much I wish to be there with you, it all sounds so good. I would love to try their food and bring back a few recipes.

Here, life is the usual business. You are missing though. It was more fun with you around. I'm going outside to mow the lawn now.

Take care and take lots of pictures for me.

Hugs, Kev Afterward, her letters started coming in almost every day and sometimes two per day. I couldn't complain about Fiona not making me a part of her travels.

Ciao Kevin!

This is our second day in Rome and I do like the old buildings and the Colosseum. I'm taking lots of pictures. I'll show them to you when I get back. But I strongly dislike Italian drivers. They are crazy, as a pedestrian your life is quite in danger here.

The night on the ferry was alright. We didn't have comfortable seats to sleep on. Everybody who didn't book a cabin just lay down somewhere where it was warm and where there was still s.p.a.ce. So, we woke up very early and witnessed a beautiful sunrise over the Mediterranean Sea. I really missed you then. It would have been so much better with you standing by my side.

At the hostel I had a bit of bad luck with the guy I had to sleep next to. The only two beds which still were available in the room were a single one next to the wall and one in the middle of two beds, touching one of them and separated from the other by a bed side table. I volunteered to sleep in the sandwich bed the first night and Amanda will take the second night. The bed with the bedside table is occupied by a nice German guy. He recommended a pizza place to us where we had dinner and I think it was the best pizza of my life. So, when we got back to the hostel at around 11 pm, an Asian couple was already sleeping and the guy was in the bed next to me. Unfortunately, it was rather a fat guy who liked to spread his arms and legs in every cardinal direction. I had to make myself extremely small and sleep on the brim of the bed in order not to accidentally get hit by him. When I think of it now, it was a bit like sleeping next to you =).

So, I'm looking forward to my single bed tonight and Amanda will have to see who her neighbor will be, for the Asian couple left early this morning.

I miss you xoxoxo Fiona The postcard from Rome showed St. Peter's Square and the Colosseum. On Barcelona's card was a picture of the Olympic grounds.

It used to be my dream to walk into such a stadium carrying the burning torch for my country. Yet, I don't think this is going to happen anymore since I'll most likely never get back to my old strength and endurance.

I hung up the postcards on the wall above my bed. If it continued like this, I'd have filled the whole length of my room until Fiona got back.

I wasn't too pleased to hear that she was sleeping next to random guys though. Aren't there rooms for females only? For all I knew she could be flirting with some hot Italian macho. Let alone do more. Then again, that wasn't in her nature.